Quote from Forum Archives on May 17, 2006, 9:15 am

Posted by: bigguyhereagain <bigguyhereagain@...>

"THE DINNER PARTY"

 

    

 

A friend hosted a dinner party for people from work and
everyone was encouraged to bring their children. All
during the sit-down dinner one co-worker's three-year-old
girl stared at the man sitting across from her. The girl
could hardly eat her food from staring.

 

The man checked his tie, felt his face for food, patted
his hair in place, but nothing stopped her from staring
at him. He tried his best to just ignore her but finally
it was too much for him. He asked her,
"Why are you staring at me?"

 

Everyone at the table had noticed her behavior and the
table went quiet for her response.

 

The little girl said,
"I just want to see how you drink like a fish!"

 

 

"Money Worries"

 

  

 

Fresh out of business school, the young man answered a want ad for an accountant. He was being interviewed by a very nervous man who ran a three-man business.
"I need someone with an accounting degree," the man said. "But mainly, I'm looking for someone to do my worrying for me."

 

"Excuse me?" the young accountant said.

 

"I worry about a lot of things," the man said. "But I don't want to have to worry about money. Your job will be to take all the money worries off my back."

 

"I see," the young accountant said. "And how much does the job pay?"

 

"I will start you at eighty-five thousand dollars."

 

"Eighty-five thousand dollars!" the young man exclaimed. "How can such a small business afford a sum like that?"

 

"That," the owner said, "is your first worry."

 

    "911 calls"

     

     

 

   Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is your emergency?
   Caller: I heard what sounded like gunshots coming from
   the brown house on the corner.
   Dispatcher: Do you have an address?
   Caller: No, I have on a blouse and slacks, why?

 

   Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is your emergency?
   Caller: Someobne broke into my house and took a bite out of
   my ham and cheese sandwich.
   Dispatcher: Excuse me?
   Caller: I made a ham and cheese sandwich and left it on the
   kitchen table and when I came back from the bathroom,
   someone had taken a bite out of it.
   Dispatcher: Was anything else taken?
   Caller: No, but this has happened to me before and
   I'm sick and tired of it!

 

   Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is the nature of your emergency?
   Caller: I'm trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn't
   have an eleven on it.
   Dispatcher: This is nine eleven.
   Caller: I thought you just said it was nine-one-one
   Dispatcher: Yes, ma'am nine-one-one and nine-eleven
   are the same thing.
   Caller: Honey, I may be old, but I'm not stupid.

 

   Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What's the nature of your emergency?
   Caller: My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two
   minutes apart
   Dispatcher: Is this her first child?
   Caller: No, you idiot! This is her husband!

 

   And the winner is..........

 

   Dispatcher: 9-1-1
   Caller: Yeah, I'm having trouble breathing. I'm all out of
   breath. ....I think I'm going to pass out.
   Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from?
   Caller: I'm at a pay phone. North and Foster.
   Dispatcher: Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an
   asthmatic?
   Caller: No
   Dispatcher: What were you doing before you started having
   trouble breathing?
   Caller: Running from the Police.

 

Have a Blessed Day
Dave and Barbara

 

 

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