Quote from Forum Archives on June 23, 2005, 10:00 am

Posted by: bigguyhereagain <bigguyhereagain@...>

"The Good Old Days"

 

 

If my body were a car, this is the time I would be thinking about trading it in for a newer model.  I've got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish and my paint job is getting a little dull, but that's not the worst of it. 

 

My fenders are too wide to be considered stylish.  They were once as sleek as a little MG; now they look more like an old Buick. 

 

My seat cushions have split open at the seams.  My seats are sagging.  Seat belts?  I gave up all belts when Krispy Cremes opened a shop in my neighborhood.! 

 

Air bag's? Forget it.  The only bags I have these days are under my eyes.  Not counting the saddlebags, of course. 

 

I have soooooo many miles on my odometer.  Sure, I've been many places and seen many things, but when's the last time an appraiser factored life experiences against depreciation?

 

My headlights are out of focus and it's especially hard to see things up close. 

 

My traction is not as graceful as it once was.  I slip and slide and skid and bump into things even in the best of weather. 

 

My whitewalls are stained with varicose veins. 

 

It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed. 

 

My fuel rate burns inefficiently. 

 

But here's the worst of it -almost every time I sneeze, cough or sputter.....  either my radiator leaks or my exhaust backfires!

 

 

 

"Border Crossing"

 

 

An elderly couple was crossing the Canadian border to go to their winter recluse in Florida.  At the crossing they were stopped by an over-zealous border guard, on his first day at work.  He commenced to ask the couple a battery of questions.

 

The husband, on behalf of his almost deaf wife, answered the barrage of queries.

 

Officer: "Where are you going?"

 

Husband: "We're on vacation and going to Florida."

 

Wife: "What did he say?  What did he say?"

 

Husband: "He wants to know where we're going."

 

Officer: "How long will you be gone?"

 

Husband: "About one month."

 

Wife: "What did he say?  What did he say?"

 

Husband: "He wants to know how long we'll be gone."

 

Officer: "Where are you from?"

 

Husband: "We're from Toronto, Ontario."

 

Officer: "Toronto, huh.  I was there once.  Nice city.

 

Had the worst date experience in my life."

 

Wife: "What did he say?  What did he say?"

 

Husband: "He says he knows you!" 

 

From Brian

 

 

"Four Letter Word"

 

 

A man is recovering from surgery when a nurse asks him how he is feeling. "I'm O. K. but I didn't like the four-letter-word the doctor used in surgery," he answered.

 

"What did he say," asked the nurse.

 

"OOPS!"

 

 

Have a Blessed Day
Dave and Barbara

 

 

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