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The Light Bulb

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The Light Bulb

Q: How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One to change it and 15 to form a support group.

Q: How many Californians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Six. One to turn the bulb, one for support, and four to relate to the
experience.

Q: How many Oregonians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Five. One to change the bulb, and four more to chase off the Californians
who have come up to relate to the experience.

Q: How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A1: None of your darn business!
A2: 50. 50? Yeah, 50! It's in the contract.

Q: How many data base people does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three: One to write the light bulb removal program, One to write the light
bulb insertion program, and one to act as a light bulb administrator to make
sure that nobody else tries to change the bulb at the same time.

Q: How many Carl Sagans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Billions and billions.

Q: How many folk singers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two: One to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old
light bulb was.

Q: How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two: One to hold the giraffe, and the other to fill the bathtub with brightly
colored machine tools.

Q: How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Only one, but it sure takes a lot of light bulbs!

Q: How many doctors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Three: One to find a bulb specialist, one to find a bulb installation
specialist, and one to bill it all to Medicare.

Q: How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, the bulb will change itself when it is ready.

Q: How many managers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three: One to get the bulb and two to get the phone number to dial one of
their subordinates to actually change it.

Q: How many IBM types does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 100. Ten to do it, and 90 to write document number GC7500439-001,
Multitasking Incandescent Source System Facility, of which 10% of the pages
state only "This page intentionally left blank", and 20% of the definitions
are of the form "A ------" consists of sequences of non-blank characters
separated by blanks".

Q: How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.

Q: How many people from New Jersey does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three: One to change the bulb, one to witness, and the third to shoot the
witness.

Q: How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but the bulb has got to really WANT to change.

Q: How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. That's a hardware problem.

Q: How many Unix hacks does it take to change a light bulb?
A: As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.

Q: How many Bell Labs Vice Presidents does it take to change a light bulb?
A: That's proprietary information. Answer available from AT&T on payment of
license fee.

Q: How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Only one, but it may take upwards of five years for him to get it done.

Q: How many "Real Men" does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. "Real Men" aren't afraid of the dark.

Q: How many "Real Women" does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. A "Real Woman" would have plenty of real men around to do it.

Q: How many Jewish mothers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. ("That's all right... I'll just sit here in the dark...")

Q: How many Polacks does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Just one, but you need 6000 Russian troops in case he goes on strike!

Q: How many Marxists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None: The light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.

Q: How many Generals/Politicians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 1,000,001: One to change the bulb, and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to
the point where they need light bulbs again.

Q: How many med students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Five: One to change the bulb and four to pull the ladder out from under him.

Q: How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three, but they're really one.

Q: How many jugglers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One, but it takes at least three light bulbs.

Q: How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: That's not funny!

Q: How many supply-siders does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. The darkness will cause the light bulb to change by itself.

Q: How many supply-side economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. If the government would just leave it alone, it would screw itself in.

Q: How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 10: One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.

Q: How many strong men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 115: One to hold the bulb and 114 to rotate the house.

Q: How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. It turned itself in.

Q: How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Fifty-one: One to install the new bulb, and fifty to figure what to do with
the old one for the next 10,000 years.

Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: How many can you afford?

Q: How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!

Q: How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. There never *was* any light bulb.

Q: How many federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Sorry, that item was cut from the budget!

Q: How many brewers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One-third less than for a regular bulb.

Q: How many American Princesses does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two: One to get a Tab, and one to call Daddy.

Q: How many accountants does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: What kind of answer did you have in mind?

Q: How many economists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two: One to change the bulb, and the other to assume the ladder.

Q: How many civil servants does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 45: One to change the bulb, and 44 to do the paperwork.

Q: How many mystery writers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two: One to screw it almost all the way in and the other to give it a
surprising twist at the end.

Q: How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself
symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a
netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a cosmos of nothingness.

Q: How many consultants does it take to change a light bulb?
A: I'll have an estimate for you a week from Monday.

Q: How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 50: One to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him.

Q: How many technical writers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Just one, provided there's a programmer around to explain how to do it.

Q: How many editors of Poor Richard's Almanac does it take to replace a light
bulb?
A: Many hands make light work.

Q: How many Harvard students does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Just one. He holds the light bulb and the universe revolves around him.