The Moment u r in Tension Wednesday

#1 · March 23, 2005, 10:40 am

Quote from Forum Archives on March 23, 2005, 10:40 am
Posted by: bigguyhereagain <bigguyhereagain@...>
"The Moment u r in Tension"

The Moment u r in Tension
U will lose your Attenstion
Then U r in Total CONFUSION
And U'll Feel IRRITATION
This May Spoil Your Personal RELATIONS
Untimately, U won't get COOPERATION
And get things into COMPLICATION
Then U May Raise CAUTION
And U have to Take MEDICATION
Why not try understanding the SITUATION
And try to think about the SOLUTION
Many Problems will b Solved By DISCUSSION
Which will work out better in your PROFESSION
Don't think this is a free SUGGESTION
It is only for your PREVENTION
If u understand my INTENTION
U will never come in TENSION !!!!!!!!!

"Scratch"

My mother never let me help much in the kitchen. As a result, my cooking ability was practically non-existent when I got married. But, I did remember mother mentioning to her friends that she did make cakes, pies and other things from scratch. So my first priority after the honeymoon, was to locate some scratch.

With mother's delicious cakes in mind, my first trip to the supermarket was to buy some scratch. I found the aisle that read -- Baking Items. I spent a good 15 minutes looking at everything from vegetable oil, sugar, flour and chocolate without seeing a sign of scratch. I was sure it wouldn't be with the pickles or the meat. I asked the clerk if they carried scratch. He looked at me funny and finally said, "You'll have to go to the store on the corner."

When I got there, it turned out to be a feed store. I thought it rather strange, but I decided cakes were food. "Do you have scratch?" I asked the clerk.

He asked me how much I wanted. I suggested a pound or two. His reply was, "How many chickens do you have? It only comes in 20 pound bags." I really didn't understand why he mentioned chickens, but I had heard mother say she made chicken casserole from scratch. So, I bought 20 pounds and hurried home.

My next problem was to find a recipe calling for scratch. I went through every single page of my lovely "Better Homes and Gardens" Cookbook -- a wedding gift. I looked and looked for a recipe using scratch. There I was with 20 pounds and no recipe.

When I opened the scratch, I had doubts that a beautiful, fluffy cake would ever result from such a hard looking ingredient. I hoped with the addition of liquids and heat the result would be successful. I had no need to mention my problem to my new husband. He had suggested very early in our marriage that he liked to cook and would gladly take over anytime. One day he made a pie and when I told him how good it was, he said that he made it from scratch. That assured me that it could be done.

Being a new bride is scary and when I found out he made pies, cakes, and even lemon pudding from scratch ... well, if he made all those things from scratch, I was sure he had bought a 20 pound bag of scratch also. But, I couldn't find where he stored it, and I checked my supply. It was still full! At this point I was ready to give up because all the people knew about scratch except me. I decided to try a different approach. One day when my husband was not doing anything, I said, "Honey, I wish you'd bake a cake." He got out the flour, sugar, eggs, milk and shortening. But, not a sign of scratch. I watched him blend it together, pour it into a pan and slide it into the oven to bake. An hour later, as we were eating the cake, I looked at him and smiled and said, "Honey, why don't we raise a few chickens?"

"The Vincent Van Gogh Family"

After much careful research, it has been discovered that the artist
Vincent Van Gogh had many relatives.

His dizzy aunt: Verti Gogh.
The brother who ate prunes: Gotta Gogh.
The brother who bleached his clothes white: Hue Gogh.
The cousin from Illinois: Chica Gogh.
His magician uncle: Wherediddy gogh.
His Mexican cousin: Amee Gogh.
The nephew who drove a stage coach: Wellsfar Gogh.
The ballroom dancing aunt: Tan Gogh.
The birdlover uncle: Flamin Gogh.
His nephew psychoanalyst: E Gogh.
The fruit loving cousin: Man Gogh.
A sister who loved disco: Go Gogh.

Have a Blessed Day
Dave and Barbara

"A happy heart is like good medicine" (Proverbs 17:22)

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Posted by: bigguyhereagain <bigguyhereagain@...>

"The Moment u r in Tension"

The Moment u r in Tension
U will lose your Attenstion
Then U r in Total CONFUSION
And U'll Feel IRRITATION
This May Spoil Your Personal RELATIONS
Untimately, U won't get COOPERATION
And get things into COMPLICATION
Then U May Raise CAUTION
And U have to Take MEDICATION
Why not try understanding the SITUATION
And try to think about the SOLUTION
Many Problems will b Solved By DISCUSSION
Which will work out better in your PROFESSION
Don't think this is a free SUGGESTION
It is only for your PREVENTION
If u understand my INTENTION
U will never come in TENSION !!!!!!!!!

"Scratch"

My mother never let me help much in the kitchen. As a result, my cooking ability was practically non-existent when I got married. But, I did remember mother mentioning to her friends that she did make cakes, pies and other things from scratch. So my first priority after the honeymoon, was to locate some scratch.

With mother's delicious cakes in mind, my first trip to the supermarket was to buy some scratch. I found the aisle that read -- Baking Items. I spent a good 15 minutes looking at everything from vegetable oil, sugar, flour and chocolate without seeing a sign of scratch. I was sure it wouldn't be with the pickles or the meat. I asked the clerk if they carried scratch. He looked at me funny and finally said, "You'll have to go to the store on the corner."

When I got there, it turned out to be a feed store. I thought it rather strange, but I decided cakes were food. "Do you have scratch?" I asked the clerk.

He asked me how much I wanted. I suggested a pound or two. His reply was, "How many chickens do you have? It only comes in 20 pound bags." I really didn't understand why he mentioned chickens, but I had heard mother say she made chicken casserole from scratch. So, I bought 20 pounds and hurried home.

My next problem was to find a recipe calling for scratch. I went through every single page of my lovely "Better Homes and Gardens" Cookbook -- a wedding gift. I looked and looked for a recipe using scratch. There I was with 20 pounds and no recipe.

When I opened the scratch, I had doubts that a beautiful, fluffy cake would ever result from such a hard looking ingredient. I hoped with the addition of liquids and heat the result would be successful. I had no need to mention my problem to my new husband. He had suggested very early in our marriage that he liked to cook and would gladly take over anytime. One day he made a pie and when I told him how good it was, he said that he made it from scratch. That assured me that it could be done.

Being a new bride is scary and when I found out he made pies, cakes, and even lemon pudding from scratch ... well, if he made all those things from scratch, I was sure he had bought a 20 pound bag of scratch also. But, I couldn't find where he stored it, and I checked my supply. It was still full! At this point I was ready to give up because all the people knew about scratch except me. I decided to try a different approach. One day when my husband was not doing anything, I said, "Honey, I wish you'd bake a cake." He got out the flour, sugar, eggs, milk and shortening. But, not a sign of scratch. I watched him blend it together, pour it into a pan and slide it into the oven to bake. An hour later, as we were eating the cake, I looked at him and smiled and said, "Honey, why don't we raise a few chickens?"

"The Vincent Van Gogh Family"

After much careful research, it has been discovered that the artist
Vincent Van Gogh had many relatives.

His dizzy aunt: Verti Gogh.
The brother who ate prunes: Gotta Gogh.
The brother who bleached his clothes white: Hue Gogh.
The cousin from Illinois: Chica Gogh.
His magician uncle: Wherediddy gogh.
His Mexican cousin: Amee Gogh.
The nephew who drove a stage coach: Wellsfar Gogh.
The ballroom dancing aunt: Tan Gogh.
The birdlover uncle: Flamin Gogh.
His nephew psychoanalyst: E Gogh.
The fruit loving cousin: Man Gogh.
A sister who loved disco: Go Gogh.

Have a Blessed Day
Dave and Barbara

"A happy heart is like good medicine" (Proverbs 17:22)

Necessary Legal Information

We do not mail clean-hewmor unsolicited. If you are receiving this newsletter from us it's because you have subscribed to this mailing list. If you receive this newsletter and are not a subscriber then someone, other than us, has forwarded it to you.

Normal Subscribe: clean-hewmor-subscribe@welovegod.org
Normal Unsubscribe: clean-hewmor-unsubscribe@welovegod.org

Web Subscribe: clean-hewmor-allow-subscribe@welovegod.org
Web Unsubscribe: clean-hewmor-allow-unsubscribe@welovegod.org

Email Group Owner: clean-hewmor-owner@welovegod.org

No virus found in this incoming message.
Checked by AVG Anti-Virus.
Version: 7.0.308 / Virus Database: 266.8.1 - Release Date: 3/23/2005

  Clean-Hewmor is only as good as the humor YOU contribute.  Please take  a few moments to send something funny so we can all get a good laugh!  --  To unsubscribe, send ANY message to: clean-hewmor-unsubscribe@welovegod.org  To subscribe, send ANY message to: clean-hewmor-subscribe@welovegod.org>