Quote from Forum Archives on June 12, 2005, 9:26 am

Posted by: bigguyhereagain <bigguyhereagain@...>

"The Parrot"

 

 

One day, a lonely man went to a pet store in search of a parrot. Immediately, one caught his eye, and he bought it for an extremely good price. It was almost as if the store were trying to give the parrot away . However, the man thought nothing of it. When he arrived at his home, the parrot soon started saying incredibly mean and vulgar things. After days of being insulted by the disobedient bird, the man got tired of it and decided to try to show the parrot who was boss by putting it in the freezer for a few minutes. After being stuffed in the freezer, the bird said mean, insulting things for a couple minutes, then suddenly stopped. After several minutes of much needed silence from the bird, the man took the parrot out of the freezer and asked the parrot why he was suddenly so obedient. The parrot replied, "I am extremely and sincerely sorry for anything I may have said or done to hurt you in any way. I hope you will forgive me, but I will understand if you don't. I am truly sorry. May I ask what the turkey did?"
From Beth

 

 

"Cookie Recipe"

 

 

1... Look in cookbook for cookie recipe.
2... Get cup of coffee.
3... Get cat off of cookbook.
4... Find that special recipe.
5... Get cat's nose out of coffee mug.
6... Go to fridge and get eggs.
7... Get dry ingredients from cupboard.
8... Break eggs in small bowl.
9... Sift dry ingredients into a large bowl.
10.. Answer the phone.
11.. Cat ate eggs; get more from fridge.
12.. Get cat out of flour bowl and dust cat off.
13.. Get Band-Aids for scratches on hands.
14.. Throw flour out and get more.
15.. Preheat oven for cookies.
16.. Glare at cat with desire to bake cat now.
17.. Watch cat run for cover into bathroom.
18.. Flour the counter to roll out cookie dough.
19.. Run to bathroom to investigate loud crashing sound.
20.. Cat has toilet paper all over floor and your personal bathroom things have been knocked over

        on top of the counter.
21.. Yell at cat.  Cat falls in toilet bowl.
22.. Take cat out of toilet to dry cat off.
23.. Get bandages to cover more scratches on arms and legs.
24.. Clean up bathroom.
25.. Run to kitchen to see what cat is doing now.
26.. Get cat off floured counter in kitchen.
27.. Try to pick cat hairs out of flour.
28.. Step on cat's tail and get bitten in ankle.
29.. Get coat, car keys, cat, and drive to store to buy cookies.
30.. Squeeze cat through partially open window into a stranger's car at the store parking lot.
31.. Eat most of the cookies on the way home.
32.. Give the last cookie to the cat waiting at the front door as the cat has beaten you home
From Star

 

 

"Happy Birthday"

 

 

A couple phoned a neighbor to extend birthday greetings. They dialed the number and then sang "Happy Birthday" to him. But when they finished their off-key rendition, they discovered that they had dialed the wrong number.

 

"Don't let it bother you," said a strange but amused voice. "You folks need all the practice you can get."
From Brian

 

You are never fully dressed until you wear a smile.

 

 

Have a Blessed Day

Dave and Barbara

 

 

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