The Ten Commandments of Marriage

#1 · June 1, 2004, 8:19 am

Quote from Forum Archives on June 1, 2004, 8:19 am
Posted by: Bigguyhereagain <Bigguyhereagain@...>
The Ten Commandments of Marriage

Commandment 1

Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning.

Commandment 2

If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.

Commandment 3

Marriage is grand - and divorce is at least 100 grand!

Commandment 4

Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.

Commandment 5

When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: Either the car is new or the wife is.

Commandment 6

Marriage is when a man and woman become as one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

Commandment 7

Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say. After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish.

Commandment 8

Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, and a good cook. But the law allows only one wife.

Commandment 9

Marriage and love are purely a matter of chemistry. That is why the wife treats the husband like toxic waste.

Commandment 10

A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.

Bonus Commandment Story.

A long-married couple came upon a wishing well. The wife leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny. The husband decided to make a wish too. But he leaned over too far, fell into the well, and drowned. The wife was stunned for a moment, but then smiled; "It really works!"

A Good Way To Diet

Never a good dieter, my mother was in the "on-again" phase of her "on-again, off-again" diet plan. She loves sweets, and one day I caught her pouring chocolate syrup into a cup. "What are you doing?" I demanded. "I'm saving calories," she insisted. "I'm eating it without the ice cream."

Little Maury's

Little Maury's teacher gave the class a test covering everything they'd studied in math all year: Fractions, Percentages, and Portions of Whole Units.

Afterwards, shaking his head, he thought maybe he could have explained things a little better.

To the question, "What portion of a foot is six inches?"

Little Maury had answered, "The toes?"

Have a Blessed Day

Dave and Barbara

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Posted by: Bigguyhereagain <Bigguyhereagain@...>

Commandment 1

Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning.

Commandment 2

If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.

Commandment 3

Marriage is grand - and divorce is at least 100 grand!

Commandment 4

Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.

Commandment 5

When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: Either the car is new or the wife is.

Commandment 6

Marriage is when a man and woman become as one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

Commandment 7

Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say. After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish.

Commandment 8

Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, and a good cook. But the law allows only one wife.

Commandment 9

Marriage and love are purely a matter of chemistry. That is why the wife treats the husband like toxic waste.

Commandment 10

A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.

Bonus Commandment Story.

A long-married couple came upon a wishing well. The wife leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny. The husband decided to make a wish too. But he leaned over too far, fell into the well, and drowned. The wife was stunned for a moment, but then smiled; "It really works!"

A Good Way To Diet

Never a good dieter, my mother was in the "on-again" phase of her "on-again, off-again" diet plan. She loves sweets, and one day I caught her pouring chocolate syrup into a cup. "What are you doing?" I demanded. "I'm saving calories," she insisted. "I'm eating it without the ice cream."

Little Maury's

Little Maury's teacher gave the class a test covering everything they'd studied in math all year: Fractions, Percentages, and Portions of Whole Units.

Afterwards, shaking his head, he thought maybe he could have explained things a little better.

To the question, "What portion of a foot is six inches?"

Little Maury had answered, "The toes?"

Have a Blessed Day

Dave and Barbara

Necessary Legal Information

I do not mail clean-hewmor unsolicited. If you are receiving this newsletter from me it's because you have subscribed to this mailing list. If you receive this newsletter and are not a subscriber then someone, other than me, has forwarded it to you.

      Normal Subscribe: clean-hewmor-subscribe@welovegod.org
      Normal Unsubscribe: clean-hewmor-unsubscribe@welovegod.org

      Web Subscribe: clean-hewmor-allow-subscribe@welovegod.org
      Web Unsubscribe: clean-hewmor-allow-unsubscribe@welovegod.org

      Email Group Owner: clean-hewmor-owner@welovegod.org

  Clean-Hewmor is only as good as the humor YOU contribute.  Please take  a few moments to send something funny so we can all get a good laugh!  --  To unsubscribe, send ANY message to: clean-hewmor-unsubscribe@welovegod.org  To subscribe, send ANY message to: clean-hewmor-subscribe@welovegod.org>