Quote from Forum Archives on March 10, 2000, 10:38 am

Posted by: <@...>

From a San Diego Father who has identified 35 truths he learned from his
children:

1. There is no such thing as childproofing your house.

2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller
blades, they can ignite.

3. A 4-year-old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded
restaurant.

4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong
enough to rotate a 42-pound boy wearing pound puppy underwear and a
Superman cape.

5. It is strong enough, however, to spread paint on all four walls of a
20x20' room.

6. Baseballs make marks on ceilings.

7. When using the ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up
several times before you get a hit.

8. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on.

9. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long ways.

10. The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit
by a ceiling fan.

11. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh-oh", it is already
too late.

12. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke----------lots of it.

13. A 6 year-old boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a
60-year old man says it can only be done in the movies.

14. A magnifying glass can start a fire even on an overcast day.

15. If you use a waterbed as a home plate while wearing baseball shoes,
it does not leak. It explodes.

16. A king-size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2,000 sq. ft house
almost 4 inches deep.

17. Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year-old.

18. Duplos will not.

19. Play-Doh and microwave ovens should never be used in the same
sentence.

20. Super Glue is forever.

21. MacGyver can teach us many things we don't want to know.

22. So can Tarzan.

23. No matter how much Jell-O you put in the pool, you still can't walk
on water.

24. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

25. VCRs do not eject PB&J sandwiches, even though TV commercials show
they do.

26. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

27. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

28. You probably don't want to know what that odor is.

29. Always look in the oven before you turn it on.

30. Plastic toys do not like ovens.

31. The fire department in San Diego has at least a 5-minute response.

32. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms
dizzy.

33. It will, however, make cats dizzy.

34. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

35. A good sense of humor will get you through most problems in life.
(....unfortunately, mostly in retrospect)