Things You Don't Want to Overhear Over an Airline P.A. System
Posted by: bigguyhereagain <bigguyhereagain@...>
1. Ocean crossing flight: This is your Captain speaking, I just wanted to take this time to remind you that your seat cushions can be used as floatation devices.
2. Hey folks, were going to play a little game of geography trivia. If you can recognize where we are, tell your flight attendant and receive an extra pack of peanuts.
3. Our loss of altitude allows a unique close up perspective of the local terrain. I assure you that it's all part of our airlines new commitment to make your a flight a sight seeing extravaganza.
5. Ummmmmm....Sorry......(silence)
6. (As the plane turns around right after takeoff)....uhhhhh....we have to go back ....we ..we ....uhhhhhh ....forgot something.....
7. I'm sure everyone noticed the loss of an engine, however the reduction in weight and drag will mean we'll be flying much more efficiently now. (ironic note: this is actually true for prop aircraft!)
8. Fasten your seat belt. (same tone your friend with the suicidal driving tendencies uses when you get in the car)
9. This is your Captain speaking....these stupid planes are a lot different than the ships I'm used to.. so you'll have to give me some leeway...
10. It would be a good idea if right now everyone closed their shades and watched the in-flight movie.
11. We've now reached our cruising altitude of 20,000 feet and ... Oh s**t ...
12. Don't worry! That one is always on E...
13. Get the parachutes ready...
he was going to prove that there was not a God. He said, "God if you are
real, then I want you to knock me off this platform. I'll give you 15
minutes!"
Ten minutes went by. He kept taunting God,saying, "Here I am God, I'm still
waiting"
He got down to the last couple of minutes and a BIG... 285 pound football
player happened to walk by the door and heard what the professor said.
The football player walked in the classroom and in the last minute, he walked
up, hit the professor full force, and sent him flying off the platform.
The professor got up, obviously shaken and said, "Where did you come from,
and why did you do that?" The football player replied, "God was busy; He
sent me!"
all the rich-looking pastries displayed on trays in the
glass cases.
A clerk approached him and asked, "What would you like?"
He answered, "I'd like that chocolate-covered, cream-filled
doughnut, that jelly-filled doughnut and that cheese Danish."
Then with a sigh he added, "But I'll take an oat-bran muffin."
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