Third Grade
Posted by: bigguyhereagain <bigguyhereagain@...>
Hi, I'm in third grade but it's not easy, it's a jungle gym out there.
It's not school I mind, it's the principal of the thing.
My teacher is tough. In class we have to answer "Yes Sir" and "No Sir," and my teacher is a woman.
She's cross-eyed too, can't control her pupils.
In English she told us we couldn't use 2 words, one was cool and the other was lousy. I said, "Cool, tell us the lousy one first."
In science, she asked, "what would happen if one of the stars in Orion's belt went out?" I told her his pants would fall down.
She asked, "Why do astronauts wear space suits?" I said, "To cover their space underwear."
In geography she asked us to name 2 cities in Kentucky. I said "O.K., I'll name one Waldo and the other Heathcliff."
And I don't like math at all, there's just too many problems.
We eat in the cafeteria. For lunch yesterday we had Roast Beef, bread and butter. The roast beef was so tough it challenged me to a fight after school. The bread was so stale I took it to show and tell in history class. I'd tell you about the butter but I don't want to spread it around.
They gave us animal crackers for dessert. On the outside of the box it said "Do not eat if seal is broken." Of course ... (these are third grade jokes, try to keep up)
After lunch we had a test. I used to hate taking tests. The teacher told us to treat them as a game. Now I hate games.
I did get a 100 the other day, 50 in math and 50 in spelling.
My teacher is so forgetful she gave us the same test 3 weeks in a row. If she does that one more time I might pass it.
My teacher knows all the answers, of course, she makes up all the questions.
But I do better than my best friend, Mike, he made the P.T.A.'s Most Wanted list.
Mike's the biggest trouble maker in school, And his parent's never thought he'd amount to anything!
Mike kept telling the teacher his dog ate his homework. We didn't believe him until his dog graduated from Yale.
When I get home from school, it takes me about an hour to do my homework, 2 hours if my father helps.
I was having trouble in English. My Dad bought me a cheap dictionary but I couldn't find the words to thank him.
My dad bought me a thesaurus, too. I thought that was very nice, pleasurable, agreeable.
I was doing geography homework and I asked him where I would find the Catskills. He said, "I don't know, your mother puts everything away!"
When my father saw my report card, he said I was just like Abraham Lincoln, I went down in history.
Thanks, and have a good day at school !
History Lesson
The following were answers provided by 6th graders during a history test. Watch the spelling! Some of the best humour is in the misspelling.
1. It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented removable type and the Bible. Another important invention was the circulation of blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes and started smoking.
2. Sir Francis Drake circumsized the world with a 100-foot clipper.
3. The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much money and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies, comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter. Romeo and Juliet are an example of a heroic couple.
4. Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained.
5. Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the Declaration of Independence. Franklin discovered electricity by rubbing two cats backward and declared, "A horse divided against itself cannot stand." Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.
6. Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest Precedent. Lincoln's mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his own hands. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by signing the Emasculation Proclamation. On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theater and got shot in his seat by one of the actors in a moving picture show. They believe the assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a supposingly insane actor. This ruined Booth's career.
7. Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large number of children. In between he practiced on an old spinster which he kept up in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to the present. Bach was the most famous composer in the world and so was Handel. Handel was half German, half Italian, and half English. He was very large.
8. Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this.
Have a Blessed Day
Dave and Barbara
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