Thoughts On Children
Posted by: bigguyhereagain <bigguyhereagain@...>
Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the drive before it has stopped snowing.
"There is only one pretty child in the world... and every mother has it." - Chinese Proverb.
Mothers of teens know why some animals eat their young.
Children are natural mimics who act like their parents, despite every effort to teach them good manners.
Children will soon forget your presents. They will always remember your presence.
Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.
The main purpose of holding children's parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own.
Grandchildren are God's reward for not killing your kids.
"Who are these kids and why are they calling me Mom?"
Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your kids.
You can fool some of the people all of the time and all of the people some of the time, but you can never fool mom.
I love to give homemade gifts. Which one of my kids do you want?
A child's greatest period of growth is the month after you've purchased new school clothes.
Anyone who says "Easy as taking candy from a baby" has never tried it.
Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.
The best inheritance parents can give their children is a few minutes of their time each day
Heavenly Humor
This comes from a Catholic elementary school. Kids were
asked questions about the Old and New Testaments. The
following statements about the Bible were written by chil-
dren. They have not been retouched or corrected (i.e.,
incorrect spelling has been left in).
1. In the first book of the bible, Guinessis, God got tired of
creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off
2. Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah's
wife was called Joan of Ark. Noah built an ark, which the
animals come on to in pears.
3. Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by
night.
4. Christians have only one spouse. This is called monotony.
5. Samson was a strongman who let himself be led astray
by a Jezebel like Delilah.
6. Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the
Apostles.
7. Moses led the hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made
unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients.
8. The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. After-
wards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten
ammendments.
9. The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to
eat the apple.
10. The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit
adultery.
11. Moses died before he ever reached Canada. Then
Joshua led the hebrews in the battle of Geritol.
12. The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his
son to stand still and he obeyed him.
13. David was a hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He
fought with the Finklesteins, a race of people who lived in
Biblical times.
14. Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700
porcupines.
15. When Mary heard that she was the mother of Jesus,
she sang the Magna Carta.
16. When the three wise guys from the east side arrived,
they found Jesus in the manager.
17. Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate
contraption.
18. St. John the blacksmith dumped water on his head.
19. Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do
one to others before they do one to you. He also explained,
"a man doth not live by sweat alone."
20. It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and
managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.
21. The people who followed the lord were called the 12
decibels.
22. The epistles were the wives of the apostles.
23. One of the oppossums was St. Matthew who was also
a taximan.
24. St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy
acrimony, which is another name for marriage.
Have a Blessed Day
Dave and Barbara
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