Todays Clean Hewmor
Posted by: bigguyhereagain <bigguyhereagain@...>
'Twas the week before Christmas and all through the school
Not a pupil was silent, no matter what rule.
The children were busy with paper and paste;
The mess that they made with it couldn't be faced.
The teacher half frantic and almost in tears,
Had just settled down to work with her dears,
When out in the hall there arose such a clatter
up sprang the kids to see what was the matter!
Away to the door they all flew like a flash;
The one who was leading went down with a crash.
Then what to their wondering eyes did appear
But a green Christmas tree! (To decorate I fear!)
When the teacher saw this, she almost grew sick.
She knew in a moment it must be Old Nick!
She ran to the door (all her efforts were vain)
But she shouted, and stamped, and she called them by name;
"Now Tommy! Now Sandy, Now Judy and Harry!
Stop Billy! Stop Robert! Stop Donny and Sherry!
Now get to your places get away from the hall
Now get away! Get away! Get away all!
As leaves that before the wild hurricane fly
The pupils, pell mell, started scurrying by.
They ran to the blackboard and skipped down the aisle;
Their faces were shining and each had a smile.
First came a basket of popcorn to string
-Then came the Christmas tree (menacing thing).
As the tree was brought in there arose a great shout;
The pupils were merrily romping about.
The state they were in could lead to a riot;
The teacher was sure, if allowed, they would try it.
Her nerves how they jangled! Her temples were throbbing!
The rush of her breath sounded almost like sobbing!
The lines of her face were as fixed as a mask;
It was plain that she didn't feel up to her task.
The look in her eye would have tamed a wild steer,
But the children ignored it; they did every year.
A tear from her eye and a shake of her head
Soon led me to think that she wished she were dead.
She spoke not a word but went straight to her work,
Strung all the popcorn which broke with a jerk.
But at last it was finished and placed on the tree;
Then came the bell and the children were free.
Their shrill little voices soon faded away
And peace was restored at the end of the day.
As she looked at the Christmas tree glistening and tall,
She smiled as she whispered, Merry Christmas to all!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~ Pumpkin Pie ~~~
Some neighbors of my grandparents gave them a pumpkin pie as a holiday
gift. As lovely as the gesture was, it was clear from the first bite
that the pie tasted bad. It was so inedible that my grandmother had to
throw it away. Ever gracious and tactful, my grandmother still felt
obliged to send the neighbors a note. It read: "Thank you very much for
the pumpkin pie. Something like that doesn't last very long in our
house."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~ Why Kids Ask Questions ~~~
I was in the kitchen preparing dinner for my family. My
eight-year-old daughter was at the counter watching my every move. She begin asking a lot of questions about the food I was preparing. I told her that she was asking an awful lot of questions for being so young.
She quickly replied, "Well, kids have to ask questions,
that's why we are smarter than adults 'cause ya'll don't ask questions and don't know all the answers."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~ Abram And The Rabbi ~~~
Abram went to his Rabbi and said, "Rabbi, I have a greatest sorrow to
tell you. I had a son, nice Jewish boy, as you know, and I rased him by
the laws of Tora and he went to Jerusalem, but he grew up, baptized and
became Christian."
The Rabbi said, "Abram, you are not going to believe this, but I also
had a son, nice Jewish boy, and I raised him by the laws of Tora and he
went to Jerusalem and he grew up, baptized and became Christian. Let us
pray."
So they knelt down and started to pray. All of a sudden there was
thunder and lightning and they heard a deep voice from above, "You're a
not going to believe this guys, but I also had a son, a nice Jewish
boy..."
Have a Blessed Day
Dave and Barbara
Necessary Legal Information
I do not mail clean-hewmor unsolicited. If you are receiving this newsletter from me it's because you have subscribed to this mailing list. If you receive this newsletter and are not a subscriber then someone, other than me, has forwarded it to you.
Normal Subscribe: clean-hewmor-subscribe@welovegod.org
Normal Unsubscribe: clean-hewmor-unsubscribe@welovegod.org
Web Subscribe: clean-hewmor-allow-subscribe@welovegod.org
Web Unsubscribe: clean-hewmor-allow-unsubscribe@welovegod.org
Email Group Owner: clean-hewmor-owner@welovegod.org