TOP IDIOTS 2001
Posted by: root <root@...>
at the poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because
she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the
ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the
hospital. She calmed down and at the end of the conversation happened to
mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill
the ants. I told her that she better bring her daughter into the emergency
room right away. Here's your sign, lady. Wear it with pride.
Idiot # 2 Seems that a year ago, some Boeing employees on the airfield
decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in
getting it out of the plane and home. When they took it for a float on the
river, a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them surprised them. It turned
out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator beacon that
activated when the raft was inflated. They are no longer employed at Boeing.
Here's your sign, guys. Don't get it wet; the paint might run.
Idiot # 3 - A true story out of San Francisco: A man, wanting to rob a
downtown Bank of America, walked into the branch and wrote "this iz a
stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag." While standing in line, waiting to
give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him
write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller's
window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo.
After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo
teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't
the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his
stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and
that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back
to Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK" and left.
He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank
of America. Don't bother with this guy's sign. He probably couldn't read it
anyway.
Idiot # 4 A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that
measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later received in
the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead of payment, he sent
the police department a photograph of $40. Several days later, he received a
letter from the police that contained another picture, this time of
handcuffs. He immediately mailed in his $40. Another sign (though this guy
might be onto something worth thinking about)!
Idiot # 5 Guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded
all of the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a
bag, the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the counter on
the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier
refused and said, "Because I don't believe you are over 21." The robber said
he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because he didn't
believe him. At this point, the robber took his driver's license out of his
wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over and agreed that
the man was in fact over 21 and he put the Scotch in the bag. The robber then
ran from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly called the police and
gave the name and address of the robber that he got off the license. They
arrested the robber two hours later. Remind me to have more signs printed up.
Give this guy his!
Idiot # 6 A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving
revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner moved, the
startled first bandit shot him. This guy doesn't need a sign; he probably
figured it out himself.
Idiot # 7 Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided
that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some
booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at
the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the
head, knocking him unconscious. Seems the liquor store window was made of
Plexi-Glass. The whole event was caught on videotape. Oh, that smarts. Give
him his sign!
Idiot # 8 Ann Arbor: The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man
walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 12:50 A.M., flashed a gun
and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't
open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion
rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man,
frustrated, walked away.
(Please note that these people are allowed to vote!)
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