Top Ten Reasons God Created Eve Thursday
Posted by: bigguyhereagain <bigguyhereagain@...>
9. God knew that one day Adam would require someone to locate and hand him the remote.
8. God knew Adam would never go out and buy himself a new fig leaf when his wore out and would therefore need Eve to buy one for him.
7. God knew Adam would never be able to make a doctor's dentist's or haircut appointment by himself.
6. God knew Adam would never remember which night to put the garbage on the curb.
5. God knew if the world was to be populated, men would never be able to handle the pain and discomfort of childbearing.
4. As the Keeper of the Garden, Adam would never remember where he left his tools.
3. Apparently, Adam needed someone to blame his troubles on when God caught him hiding in the garden.
2. As the Bible says, "It is not good for man to be alone."
1. When God finished the creation of Adam, He stepped back, scratched his head, and said, "I can do better than that!"
First Baptist: It has been there too long.
Second Baptist: The people didn't like First Baptist.
Third Baptist: The people didn't like First and Second Baptist.
Ana-Baptist: The people didn't like First, Second, Third or Fourth Baptist, and didn't want to call themselves Nth Baptist because they want to be the first on the list alphabetically.
Calvary Baptist: The people crucify their pastor regularly.
Community Baptist: It is a social community club.
Conservative Baptist: The people don't talk to strangers.
Cooperative Baptist: They compromise with anybody and anything.
Free Will Baptist: They draft wills for everybody for free, but the church must be the primary beneficiary.
Fundamental Baptist: Fund a mental Baptist.
Grace Baptist: They say grace at every meal, no exceptions, not even one, and don't you forget it!
Immanuel Baptist: They are in manual mode: Church leaders must push them to serve.
Independent Baptist: The people don't depend on God.
Memorial Baptist: It is dead.
Monument Baptist: It is history.
Missionary Baptist: They send out missionaries who are sick and tired of fellowshipping with people who don't do anything.
Open Door Baptist: They lock the doors after Sunday morning services.
Pentecostal Baptist: It is for people who work for the Pentagon.
Primitive Baptist: They don't divide or multiply among themselves.
Progressive National Baptist: They are members of NASCAR.
Seventh Day Baptist: The other six days are for party.
Southern Baptist: The people hate cold weather.
Third World Baptist: The people love the world so much they don't mind coming in third.
Tabernacle Baptist: Hmmm ... it doesn't LOOK like a tent.
United Baptist: The people are union members.
Your bedroom isn't cluttered; it's "passage-restrictive."
Kids don't get in trouble anymore. They merely hit "social speed bumps."
You're not shy. You're "conversationally selective."
You don't talk a lot. You're just "abundantly verbal."
It's not called gossip anymore. It's "transmission of near-factual information."
Your homework isn't missing; it's just having a "out-of-notebook experience."
You're not sleeping in class; you're "rationing consciousness."
You don't have smelly gym socks; you have "odor-retentive athletic footwear."
You weren't passing notes in class. You were "participating
in the discreet exchange of penned meditations."
You're not being sent to the principal's office. You're
going on a mandatory field trip to the administrative building.
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