Truckers Monday
Posted by: Bigguyhereagain <Bigguyhereagain@...>
their own. Some colorful examples of big-rig lingo:
Strips of rubber tire on the road ahead, to be
avoided: Alligators
Semi with a big sleeper: Condo
Flatbed truck with a tarp: Covered wagon
Scale and/or weigh station: Chicken coop
Cars: Four-wheelers
Car-transport truck: Parking lot
Rest area: Pickle park
Snowplow salt trucks: Saltshakers
Bus: Stagecoach
Second trailer hauled by one semi tractor: Wiggle wagon
on ones enemies. Modern hammers are used to inflict pain on
oneself.
Screwdriver - The drink ordered at the local bar after you
call in a professional repairman to undo the $500 in damage
you did while trying to change out a light socket with your
handy screwdriver.
Phillips Screwdriver - The bar drink that you order when the
damage estimate is over $1,000. Contains twice the vodka.
Pliers - A device used to extend your reach the necessary few
inches when you drop a one-of-a-kind screw down behind the
new wall it took you two weeks to install.
Multi-Pliers - Contain a handy assortment of sharp and dangerous
tools. Best left in its leather sheath and worn on a homeowners
belt to increase testosterone levels.
Electronic Stud Finder - An annoying device that never goes
off when you point it at yourself.
Halogen Light - A worklight that lights up your backyard with
the incandescence of a football stadium, causing you to cast
a heavy shadow over the area you're working on so that you need
to use a flashlight anyway.
Cordless Drill - A device that lessens your chance of electrocution
90% over a standard plug-in tool.
Cordless Telephone - The handyman's 911.
Air Compressor - A mechanical device similar in principal to
harnessing the power of your mother-in-laws nagging complaints
and using the resulting airflow to blast old paint off the side
of the house.
Chain saw - Allows you to cut your way out of the shed that you
accidentally built completely around yourself.
Vise Grips - A pair of helping hands that doesn't critique the
job you're doing or offer advice.
standing in the middle of a huge field of grass. He pulls the
car over to the side of the road and notices that the farmer
is just standing there, doing nothing, looking at nothing.
The man gets out of the car, walks all the way out to the farmer
and asks him, "Ah excuse me mister, but what are you doing?"
The farmer replies, "I'm trying to win a Nobel Prize."
"How?" asks the man, puzzled.
"Well I heard they give the Nobel Prize . . . to people who
are out standing in their field."
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