Wedding Rehearsal
Posted by: bigguyhereagain <bigguyhereagain@...>
At a wedding rehearsal, the minister told the father of the bride,
"As you give your daughter's hand to the bridegroom, you should
say something nice to him."
The father, a grocery-store manager, took the advice. During the
wedding ceremony, he placed the bride's hand on his son-in-law's
arm and said, "No deposit, no return."
X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X
*** Priest's Collar ***
A priest was walking along the corridor of the parochial school near
the preschool wing when a group of little ones were trotting by on
the way to the cafeteria. Little Johnny stopped and looked at him in
his clerical clothes and asked, "Why do you dress funny?"
He told him he was a priest and this is the uniform priests wear.
Little Johnny pointed to the priest's plastic collar tab and
asked, "Do you have an owie?"
The priest was perplexed till he realized that to him the collar tab
looked like a band-aid. So the priest took it out and handed it to
Little Johnny, to show him. On the back of the tab were raised
letters giving the name of the manufacturer.
Little Johnny felt the letters, and the priest asked, "Do you know
what those words say?"
"Yes I do," said Little Johnny, who was not old enough to read.
Peering intently at the letters he said, "Kills ticks and fleas up
to six months!"
X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X
***Shaved by Grace ***
Setting: A small rural community, so small, in fact, the
only church in town is a small Baptist church whose pastor
must also double up as the local barber to make ends meet.
There happened to be a man in this small community who had
invested wisely and was enjoying his newfound comfort.
This man got out of bed one day to go through his daily
routine. He looked into the mirror as he was about
to shave and decided, "I make enough money now, I don't
have to shave myself. I'll go down to the barber and let
him shave me from now on." So he did.
He walked into the barber shop and found the preacher/barber
was out calling on the shut-ins. His wife, Grace, said "I
usually do the shaves anyway ... sit down and I'll shave you."
So he did. She shaved him and he asked, "How much do I owe
you?" "$25," Grace replied. The man thought that was
somewhat expensive and that he may have to get a shave every
other day. Nonetheless, he paid Grace and went on his way.
The next day, he woke up and found his face to be just as
smooth as the day before. No need for a shave today, he
thought, well, it was a $25 shave.
The next day he awoke to find his face as smooth as a baby's
bottom. Wow! he thought. That's amazing, as he normally
would need to shave daily to keep his clean-shaven business
look.
Day 3, he woke up and his face was still as smooth as the
minute after Grace had finished. Now, somewhat perplexed,
the man went down to the barber shop to ask some questions.
This particular day the pastor was in and the man asked him
why his face was as smooth as it was the first day it was
shaven.
The kind old pastor gently retorted, "Friend, you were
shaved by Grace ... and once shaved, always shaved."
X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X
***Purse ***
As the bus pulled away, I realized I had left my purse
under the seat. Later I called the company and was
relieved that the driver had found my bag. When I went
to pick it up, several off-duty bus drivers surrounded me.
One man handed me my pocketbook, two typewritten
pages and a box containing the contents of my purse.
"We're required to inventory lost wallets and purses,"
he explained. "I think you'll find everything there."
As I started to put my belongings back into the
pocketbook, the man continued, "I hope you don't mind
if we watch. Even though we all tried, none of us could fit
everything into your purse. And we'd like to see just how
you do it."
Have a Blesses Day
Dave and Barbara
Necessary Legal Information
I do not mail clean-hewmor unsolicited. If you are receiving this newsletter from me it's because you have subscribed to this mailing list. If you receive this newsletter and are not a subscriber then someone, other than me, has forwarded it to you.
Normal Subscribe: clean-hewmor-subscribe@welovegod.org
Normal Unsubscribe: clean-hewmor-unsubscribe@welovegod.org
Web Subscribe: clean-hewmor-allow-subscribe@welovegod.org
Web Unsubscribe: clean-hewmor-allow-unsubscribe@welovegod.org
Email Group Owner: clean-hewmor-owner@welovegod.org