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What to give Husband For Christmas

Posted by: bigguyhereagain <bigguyhereagain@...>

 
*** What To Give Husband For Christmas ***
 
I thought about giving my husband a barbecue grill. Sounds good, right?
An excuse to have him do the cooking! But don't expect to have a relaxing
evening as he hooks up to the gas line. Men see the imminent danger and
get a rush. Women wait by the phone with "9" and "1" pre-dialed. The
distinct possibility of living for months with a man who has no eyebrows
somehow takes the fun out of the promise of barbecue. No--no grill.

How about tickets to the sporting event du jour? Yeah, that sounds good.
But before you rush out to purchase tickets, remember that you might be
expected to actually attend the event. Picture watching some team go back
and forth until some loud person behind you spills beer on your shoes. I
try to have quality conversation with my husband through it all, but I'm
amazed when he shows absolutely no interest in the bad accessory choices
made by the lady three rows down. "White shoes in this season? And with a
brown purse? Please!" For some reason, he rarely appreciates those gross
atrocities, so I'm always willing to be a sport and try a new topic: "Why
do you suppose they didn't color coordinate the seats and the walls?" Can
you believe my husband would rather watch some game than explore all
those possibilities? Nope, not sports, thank you.

A tool is always a good gift choice. Even better, a ladder. But if you
give him a tool, he'll try to fix something. If you give him a ladder,
he'll want to climb it. "9-1-..." sound familiar? I'd like to get him
something that wouldn't come with the wifely warning, "Be careful,
that'll put your eye out."

Gift-giving for men has been a problem since the beginning. Eve obviously
didn't get it. She gave Adam a used apple. We know where that led.

The good news is that whatever I give my husband, he is always gracious
and appreciative--even if it's yet another bottle of aftershave. I don't
have to earn his love with gifts. What a relief!

The rest of the good news is that despite Eve's gift and the fall, I
still don't have to earn God's love, either. The Bible says that God
loved me long before I was lovable. Me--a sinner- yet Christ died for me!
The Bible also tells us that the gift of God is eternal life through
Christ.  Now there's a gift!

As for my poor husband, looks like it's another tie. Next time I might
find something he likes just as well--like a gift certificate for gum
surgery or a free upper GI.

 

*** Camping ***
 
     
 A very proper lady began planning a weeks' camping trip for her church group.  She wrote to a campground for reservations.  She wanted to make sure that the campground was fully equipped and modern, but couldn't bring herself to use the word TOILET in her letter.
 She decided to use the term Bathroom Commode, but still wasn't comfortable. Finally she decided  on  the abbreviation B.C. and asked in the letter if the campground had its  own B.C.  When the campground manager received the letter, he couldn't figure out what the writer meant by B.C.  He showed the letter to several campers, one of whom suggested the lady was obviously referring to a  Baptist Church.
The campground manager sent this reply:

 Dear Miss Olson,

 The B.C. is located 9 miles from the campground in a beautiful grove of  trees.  I admit it is quite a distance if you are in the habit of going regularly.  No d! oubt you will be pleased to know that it will seat 350 people at one time, and it is open on Tuesday, Thursday and Sunday each week.  Some folks take their lunch and make a day of it.  The acoustics are very good, so everyone can hear even the quietest passages.  It may interest you to know that my daughter met her husband there.

  It is unfortunate that my wife has been ill and has not been able to attend regularly.  It's been a good 6 months since she last went.

 It pains her very much not to be able to go more often.  As we grow older, it seems to take more of an effort, especially in cold weather.

 Perhaps I could accompany you the first time that you go, sit with you, and introduce you to all the other folks who will be there.   I look forward to your visit.  We offer a very friendly campground!

Jack ! Freedman, Camp Manager

 

*** Dear Santa ***

     

Timmy, age 4 went to see Santa for the first time, and he asked Santa for lots of toys.  The next day, his mother and Timmy had to go out and do some more shopping. They saw Santa again and Timmy sat on Santa's lap a second time.

When Santa asked Timmy what he wanted for Christmas, he said in a questioning voice "But I told you what I wanted yesterday!?"

Santa quickly covered himself by quickly saying that he thought Timmy might have thought of something else to add to his list.

When they went out again a few days later, Timmy asked his mother if Santa was going to be there. She promptly told him he would.

Timmy thought a bit then said, "I thought of something else to add to my list then."

What is that?" asked Mom.

"Why an elf, of course."  replied Timmy.

"An elf? Whatever do you want an elf for?" queried Mom.

"Why ask for toys when I can ask for elves,"  replied Timmy, "and have them build me all the toys I'll ever need?"

Dave and Barbara

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