Today’s postmodernists use cultural pluralism as a pretext for relativism, as if the existence of many cultures implied the existence of many truths.
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What You May Not Know 'Bout Noah Friday

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#1 · July 15, 2005, 5:53 pm

Posted by: bigguyhereagain <bigguyhereagain@...>

"What You May Not Know 'Bout Noah"
 
   
 
Why couldn't they play cards on the ark?
Noah was sitting on the deck
 
What did Noah say as he was loading the Ark?
"Now I herd everything"
 
Why did the people on the ark think the horses were pessimistic?
They kept saying neigh
 
What animal could Noah not trust?
The cheetah
 
What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark?
Flood lights
 
Who was the first canning factory run by?
Noah - he had a boat full of preserved pairs
 
Was Noah the first one out of the Ark?
No, he came forth out of the ark.
 
 
"The 10 Commandments"
 
 
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honor thy father and thy mother," she asked, "is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"
 
Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family of seven) answered, "thou shall not kill."
 
 
"Church Football"
 
       
Did you know church can be just like football?
Quarterback Sneak - Church members quietly leaving during the invitation.
 
Draw Play - What many children do with the bulletin during worship. 
 
Half-time: - The period between Sunday School and worship when many choose to leave.
 
Benchwarmer - Those who do not sing, pray, work, or apparently do anything but sit.
 
Backfield-in-Motion - Making a trip to the back (restroom or water fountain) during the service.
 
Staying in the Pocket - What happens to a lot of money that should be given to the Lord's work.
 
Two-minute Warning - The point at which you realize the sermon is almost over and begin to gather up your children and belongings.
 
Instant Replay - The preacher loses his notes and falls back on last week's illustrations.
 
Sudden Death - What happens to the attention span of the congregation if the preacher goes into "overtime."
 
Trap - You're called on to pray and are asleep.
 
End Run - Getting out of church quick, without speaking to any guest or fellow member.
 
Flex Defense - The ability to allow absolutely nothing said during the sermon to affect your life.
 
Halfback Option - The decision of 50% of the congregation not to return for the evening service.
 
Blitz - The rush for the restaurants following the closing prayer.
 
Have a Blessed day
Dave and Barbara
 
 
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