Quote from Forum Archives on October 31, 2004, 3:02 pm

Posted by: bigguyhereagain <bigguyhereagain@...>

"Where Professionals Go On Vacation"  

 

 

Artists:  Painted Desert, Arizona

 

Athletes:  Olympia Heights, Florida

 

Candy Makers:  Carmel,Indiana

 

College Professors:  University City, Missouri

 

Firefighters:  Smokey Mountains

 

Geologists:  Stone Mountain, Georgia

 

Home Builders:  New Castle, Pennsylvania

 

Jewelers:  Pearl City, Hawaii

 

Landscapers:   Garden City, Michigan

 

Manicurists:  Finger Lakes, New York

 

Pianists:  Florida Keys

 

Sailors: Marina, California

 

Sheriffs:  Marshalltown, Iowa

 

Tree Trimmers;  Long Branch, New Jersey

 

TV Evangelists:  Paradise, California

"As They Grow Old"   

 

 

- Old doctors never die, they just lose their patience.

 

- Old electricians never die, they just lose contact.

 

- Old farmers never die, they just go to seed.

 

- Old garagemen never die, they just retire.

 

- Old hackers never die, they just go to bits.

 

- Old hardware engineers never die, they just cache in their
  chips.

 

- Old hippies never die, they just smell that way.

 

- Old horticulturists never die, they just go to pot.

 

- Old hypochondriacs never die, they just lose their grippe.

 

- Old investors never die, they just roll over.

 

- Old journalists never die, they just get de-pressed.

 

- Old knights in chain mail never die, they just shuffle off
  their metal coils.

 

- Old laser physicists never die, they just become
  incoherent.

 

- Old lawyers never die, they just lose their appeal.

 

- Old limbo dancers never die, they just go under.

"Special Poem For Seniors"   
 

 A row of bottles on my shelf
 Caused me to analyze myself.
 One yellow pill I have to pop
 Goes to my heart so it won't stop.
 A little white one that I take
 Goes to my hands so they won't shake.
 The blue ones that I use a lot
 Tell me I'm happy when I'm not.
 The purple pill goes to my brain
 And tells me that I have no pain.
 The capsules tell me not to wheeze
 Or cough or choke or even sneeze.
 The red ones, smallest of them all
 Go to my blood so I won't fall.
 The orange ones, very big and bright
 Prevent my leg cramps in the night.
 Such an array of brilliant pills
 Helping to cure all kinds of ills.
 But what I'd really like to know...........
 Is what tells each one where to go!

 

"New Age Grandma"  

 

                            
Grandma's on the net again, the kitchen's not
her home.

 

She used to make us cherry pies, and call us on
the phone

 

She would talk to us for hours; now she leaves
us all alone.

 

We miss her homemade biscuits, and I'll make
this little bet,

 

If you want to contact Grandma, you'll have to
surf the net.

 

Grandma's surfing on the net, you bet,

 

She is surfing on the net.

 

We've been calling her all morning, and we
haven't got her yet.

 

She's on the E-mail network, with her electronic
friends...

 

If you want to talk to Grandma, you'll have to
surf the net.

 

She's never surfed at Malibu, or caught a wave
at Waikiki,

 

She's never seen a surfboard: hang ten doesn't
mean a thing.

 

She's never met a beach-bum--Moon Doggie is just
a pup.

 

But when she heads for her computer, you know
the surf is up.

 

Grandma's getting older and her eyes are getting
dim

 

Her random access memory, is half of what its
been.

 

When Grandpa comes to call on her, She'll say I
cant go yet.

 

He'll have to wait for Grandma, cause she's
surfing on the net.

Have a Blessed Day 
Dave and Barbara  

 

 

Necessary Legal Information

 

I do not mail clean-hewmor unsolicited. If you are receiving this newsletter from me it's because you have subscribed to this mailing list. If you receive this newsletter and are not a subscriber then someone, other than me, has forwarded it to you.

 

Normal Subscribe: clean-hewmor-subscribe@welovegod.org
Normal Unsubscribe: clean-hewmor-unsubscribe@welovegod.org
       
Web Subscribe: clean-hewmor-allow-subscribe@welovegod.org
Web Unsubscribe: clean-hewmor-allow-unsubscribe@welovegod.org
       
Email Group Owner: clean-hewmor-owner@welovegod.org

  Clean-Hewmor is only as good as the humor YOU contribute.  Please take  a few moments to send something funny so we can all get a good laugh!  --  To unsubscribe, send ANY message to: clean-hewmor-unsubscribe@welovegod.org  To subscribe, send ANY message to: clean-hewmor-subscribe@welovegod.org>