Quote from Forum Archives on April 19, 2005, 12:45 pm

Posted by: bigguyhereagain <bigguyhereagain@...>

"Why Did God make Mother's"

 

 

From kids in Elementary school

 

She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
Mostly to clean the house.
To help us out of there when we were getting born.
*********************

 

"How did God make mothers"

 

He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
God made my mom just the same like he made me.  He just used bigger parts.
*********************

 

"What ingredients are mothers made of"

 

God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
They had to get their start from men's bones.
Then they mostly use string.  I think.
*********************

 

"Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom"

 

We're related.
God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's moms like me.
*********************

 

"What kind of little girl was your mom"

 

My mom has always been my mom and none of that other stuff.
I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
They say she used to be nice.
*********************

 

"What did mom need to know about dad before she married him"

 

His last name.
She had to know his background.
Like is he a crook?  Does he get drunk on beer?  Does he make at least $800 a year?  Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores.
*********************

 

"Why did your mom marry your dad"

 

My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world.  And my mom eats a lot.
She got too old to do anything else with him.
My grandma says that mom didn't have her thinking cap on.
*********************

 

"Who's the boss at your house"

 

Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dad's such a goofball.
Mom.  You can tell by room inspection.
She sees the stuff under the bed.
I guess Mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.
*********************

 

"What's the difference between moms and dads"

 

Moms work at work and work at home, and dads just got to work at work.
Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
Dads are taller and stronger, but moms have all the real power cause that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friend's.
*********************

 

"What does your mom do in her spare time"

 

Mothers don't do spare time.
To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.
*********************

 

"What would it take to make your mom perfect"

 

On the inside she's already perfect.
Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
Diet.  You know, her hair.  I'd diet, maybe blue.
*********************

 

"If you could change one thing about your mom, what would it be"

 

She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean.  I'd get rid of that.
I'd make my mom smarter.  Then she would know it was my sister who did it and not me.

 

"TIPS ON RAISING BOYS"

 

 

LEARNED FIRST HAND BY A MOTHER WHO WISHES TO
REMAIN ANONYMOUS

 

"Things I've learned from my Boys" (honest and not kidding):

 

1.) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. foot house
4 inches deep.
2.) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller
blades, they can ignite.
3.) A 3-year old boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded
restaurant.
4.) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong
enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman
cape. It is strong enough, however if tied to a paint can, to spread paint
on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.
5.) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When
using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times
before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
6.) The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by
a ceiling fan.
7.) When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it's already too
late.
8.) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
9.) A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a
36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies.
10.) Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old
boy.
11.) Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence
12.) Super glue is forever.
13.) No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool, you still can't
walk on water.
14.) Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
15.) VCR's do not eject "PB &J" sandwiches even though TV commercials show
they do
16.) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17.) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
18.) You probably DO NOT want to! know what that odor is.
19.) Always look in the oven be fore you turn it on; plastic toys do not
like ovens.
20.) The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.
21.) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
22.) It will, however, make cats dizzy.
23.) Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
24.) 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.
25.) Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or
without kids.

 

"HOW TO CLEAN THE HOUSE"

 

 

1. Open a new file in your PC.

2. Name it "Housework."

3. Send it to the RECYCLE BIN

4. Empty the RECYCLE BIN

5. Your PC will ask you, "Are you sure you want to delete Housework permanently?"

6. Answer calmly, "Yes," and press the mouse button firmly...

7. Feel better?

Works for me!

 

 

"A happy heart is like good medicine" (Proverbs 17:22)

 

 

Have a Blessed Day
Dave and Barbara

 

 

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