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WHY GOD CREATED CHILDREN Thursday
#1 · November 3, 2004, 1:43 pm
Posted by: bigguyhereagain <bigguyhereagain@...>
*** WHY GOD CREATED CHILDREN ***
WHY GOD CREATED CHILDREN (AND IN THE PROCESS GRANDCHILDREN)
To those of us who have children in our lives, whether they are our own, grandchildren, nieces, nephews, or students...here is something to make you chuckle. Whenever your children are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God's omnipotence did not extend to His own children After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve. And the first thing he said was "DON'T!"
"Don't what?" Adam replied.
"Don't eat the forbidden fruit." God said.
"Forbidden fruit? We have forbidden fruit? Hey Eve..we have forbidden fruit!!!!!"
"No Way!"
To those of us who have children in our lives, whether they are our own, grandchildren, nieces, nephews, or students...here is something to make you chuckle. Whenever your children are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God's omnipotence did not extend to His own children After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve. And the first thing he said was "DON'T!"
"Don't what?" Adam replied.
"Don't eat the forbidden fruit." God said.
"Forbidden fruit? We have forbidden fruit? Hey Eve..we have forbidden fruit!!!!!"
"No Way!"
Yes way!"
"Do NOT eat the fruit!" said God.
"Why"
"Because I am your Father and I said so!" God replied, wondering why He hadn't stopped creation after making the elephants. A few minutes later, God saw His children having an apple break and He was ticked! "Didn't I tell you not to eat the fruit?" God asked.
"Uh huh," Adam replied.
"Why"
"Because I am your Father and I said so!" God replied, wondering why He hadn't stopped creation after making the elephants. A few minutes later, God saw His children having an apple break and He was ticked! "Didn't I tell you not to eat the fruit?" God asked.
"Uh huh," Adam replied.
"Then why did you?" said the Father.
"I don't know," said Eve.
"She started it!" Adam said
"Did not!"
"Did too!"
"DID NOT!"
Having had it with the two of them, God's punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own. Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed.
BUT THERE IS REASSURANCE IN THE STORY! If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give children wisdom and they haven't taken it, don't be hard on yourself. If God had trouble raising children, what makes you think it would be a piece of cake for you?
THINGS TO THINK ABOUT!
1. You spend the first two years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next sixteen telling them to sit down and shut up.
2. Grandchildren are God's reward for not killing your own children.
3. Mothers of teens now know why some animals eat their young.
4. Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.
5. The main purpose of holding children's parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own.
6. We childproofed our homes, but they are still getting in.
THINGS TO THINK ABOUT!
1. You spend the first two years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next sixteen telling them to sit down and shut up.
2. Grandchildren are God's reward for not killing your own children.
3. Mothers of teens now know why some animals eat their young.
4. Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.
5. The main purpose of holding children's parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own.
6. We childproofed our homes, but they are still getting in.
ADVICE FOR THE DAY: Be nice to your kids. They will choose your nursing home one day.
AND FINALLY:
IF YOU HAVE A LOT OF TENSION AND YOU GET A HEADACHE, DO WHAT IT SAYS ON THE ASPIRIN BOTTLE:
AND FINALLY:
IF YOU HAVE A LOT OF TENSION AND YOU GET A HEADACHE, DO WHAT IT SAYS ON THE ASPIRIN BOTTLE:
"TAKE TWO ASPIRIN" AND "KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN"!!!!!
*** Teacher Arrested ***
At New York's Kennedy airport today, an individual later
discovered to be a public school teacher was arrested
trying to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a
protractor, a set square, a slide rule, and a calculator.
discovered to be a public school teacher was arrested
trying to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a
protractor, a set square, a slide rule, and a calculator.
At a morning press conference, Attorney general John
Ashcroft said he believes the man is a member of the
notorious Al-Gebra movement.
Ashcroft said he believes the man is a member of the
notorious Al-Gebra movement.
He is being charged by the FBI with carrying weapons
of math instruction.
of math instruction.
"Al-gebra is a fearsome cult," Ashcroft said. "They desire
average solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes
go off on tangents in a search of absolute value. They use
secret code names like 'x' and 'y' and refer to themselves
as 'unknowns', but we have determined they belong to a
common denominator of the axis of medieval with
coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer
Isosceles used to say, 'there are 3 sides to every triangle'."
average solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes
go off on tangents in a search of absolute value. They use
secret code names like 'x' and 'y' and refer to themselves
as 'unknowns', but we have determined they belong to a
common denominator of the axis of medieval with
coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer
Isosceles used to say, 'there are 3 sides to every triangle'."
When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush
said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of
math instruction, He would have given us more fingers
and toes!!
said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of
math instruction, He would have given us more fingers
and toes!!
*** Ten Reasons When Men Should Join The Choir ***
10. Rehearsals are every Wednesday night. Which means that for those few hours, you will significantly reduce your risk of contracting tendonitis from nonstop operation of a television remote control or computer mouse.
9. Because you wear a choir robe every Sunday, you are liberated from a task many men find quite challenging: finding clothes that match properly.
8. From your special vantage point every Sunday, in which you look out at the entire congregation from the choir seats, you will develop interesting new hobbies. Among these is a little guessing game called "Who's Praying, Who's Sleeping?"
7. On the other hand, sitting in full view of 400-500 people on a weekly basis makes it much less likely that you yourself will give in to a chronic lack of sleep. Although it has been known to happen.
6. If you think your singing in the shower sounds good now, just wait till you've been singing with us for a few weeks.
5. Singing in a choir is one of the few activities for men that does not require electronic equipment or expensive power tools. This could be good for the family budget.
4. For the fitness buffs, singing in the Choir is not only heart healthy, it's soul healthy. But there are no monthly membership fees, and it's a lot easier on the knees than jogging.
3. If you think you've done everything there is to do, and there are no great challenges left in life, try singing with us and staying on pitch, guys.
2. Choir rehearsal lasts half as long as a professional football game, but is at least twice as satisfying. (Don't worry, though, the rehearsals are on Wednesday, not Monday Nights.)
1. When people ask you whether you've been behaving yourself, you can say with the utmost sincerity, "Hey, I'm a Choir Boy."
Have a Blessed Day
Dave and Barbara
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