Why The Enthusiasm Tuesday
Posted by: Bigguyhereagain <Bigguyhereagain@...>
Mrs. Johnson the elementary school math teacher was
having children do problems on the blackboard that day.
"Who would like to do the first problem, addition?"
No one raised their hand. She called on Tommy, and
with some help he finally got it right.
"Who would like to do the second problem, subtraction?"
Students hid their faces. She called on Mark, who got
the problem but there was some suspicion his girlfriend
Lisa whispered it to him.
"Who would like to do the third problem, division?"
Now a low collective groan could be heard as everyone
looked at nothing in particular. The teacher called on
Suzy, who got it right
"Who would like to do the last problem, multiplication?"
Johnny's hand shot up, surprising everyone in the room.
Mrs. Johnson finally gained her composure in the stunned
silence.
"Why the enthusiasm, Johnny?"
"The Bible says to go forth and multiply!"
When Stacey returns with her mother, her friend is staring curiously into the vase. "Oh, those are my father's ashes," Stacey informs her new friend. However, this startles her so that she drops the vase with a -- ashes and broken vase scattering all around.
After turning three shades of red she stammers out, "Oh, no... I'm, oh!... I, can't... didn't mean to.."
"It's OK dear," the mother says. "The vase was just from Wal- Mart."
The new friend catches her breath enough to say, "But... but your husband's ashes..."
"Well," the mother says, "looks like he'll just have to get off his lazy butt and get the ashtray from the kitchen from now on!"
"I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience."
"I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 computor and spreadsheet progroms."
"Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year."
"Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave."
"Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions."
"Failed bar exam with relatively high grades."
"It's best for employers that I not work with people."
"Let's meet, so you can 'ooh' and 'aah' over my experience."
"You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time."
"Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details."
"I was working for my mom until she decided to move."
"Marital status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No commitments."
"I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse."
"I am loyal to my employer at all costs...Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voice mail."
"I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely no one and absolutely nothing."
"My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training in meterology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage."
"I procrastinate, especially when the task is unpleasant."
"As indicted, I have over five years of analyzing investments."
"Personal interests: donating blood. Fourteen gallons so far."
"Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store."
"Note: Please don't miscontrue my 14 jobs as 'job-hopping'. I have never quit a job."
"Marital status: often. Children: various."
"Reason for leaving last job: They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 a.m. every morning. Could not work under those conditions."
"The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous employers."
"Finished eighth in my class of ten."
"References: None. I've left a path of destruction behind me." 
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