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Why We Love Kids Tuesday
2,360 Posts
#1 · June 7, 2005, 10:23 am
Quote from Forum Archives on June 7, 2005, 10:23 amPosted by: bigguyhereagain <bigguyhereagain@...>
"Why We Love Kids"1. NUDITYI was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening
when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved.She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my
5-year-old shout from the back seat, "Mom! That lady isn't wearing a
seat belt!"
2. HONESTYMy son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me
he'd dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So I fished it out and
threw it in the garbage. Zachary stood there thinking for a moment,
then ran to my bathroom and came out with my toothbrush. He held it
up and said with a charming little smile, "We better throw this one out too then, cause it fell in the toilet a few days ago."3. OPINIONSOn the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note
from his mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by this
child are not necessarily those of his parents."4. KETCHUPA woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During
her struggle the phone rang, so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to
answer the phone. "It's the minister, Mommy," the child said. Then
she added, "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now.
She's hitting the bottle."5. MORE NUDITYA little boy got lost a t the YMCA and found himself in the women's
locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with
ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched
in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter, haven't you ever
seen a little boy before?"6. POLICE # 1While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I
was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and
down at my uniform, she asked, "Are you a cop?""Yes," I answered and continued writing the report."My mother said if I ever needed help, I should ask the police. Is that right?""Yes, that's right," I told her."Well, then," she said as she extended her foot toward me, "would you please tie my shoe?"7.POLICE # 2It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the
station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, wasbarking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me. "Is that a dog you
got back there?" he asked. "It sure is," I replied. Puzzled, the
boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally
he said, "What'd he do?"8. ELDERLYWhile working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly
shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon
rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances ofold age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day
I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As Ibraced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merelyturned and whispered, "The tooth fairy will never believe this!"9. DRESS-UPA little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she
saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn'twear that suit.""And why not, darling?""You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning."10. DEATHWhile walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our
minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar
wilt. Apparently his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had
secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made
ready for the disposal of the deceased. The minister's son was
chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity
intoned his version of what he thought his father always said:"Glory be unto the Faaaaaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into the hole he gooooes."11. SCHOOLA little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm just
wasting my time," she said to her mother. "I can't read, I can't
write and they won't let me talk."12. BIBLEA little boy opened the big family bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the
Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was
an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages. "Mama,
look what I found," the boy called out."What have you got there, dear?"With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, "I think it's Adam's underwear.""Greatest Hitter"A little boy was overheard talking to himself as he strutted through the
backyard, wearing his baseball cap and toting a ball and bat."I'm the greatest hitter in the world," he announced.Then, he tossed the ball into the air, swung at it, and missed."Strike One!" he yelled.Undaunted, he picked up the ball and said again,"I'm the greatest hitter in the world!"He tossed the ball into the air. When it came down he swung again and
missed."Strike Two!" he cried.The boy then paused a moment to examine his bat and ball carefully. He spit on his hands and rubbed them together. He straightened his cap and said once more,"I'm the greatest hitter in the world!"Again he tossed the ball up in the air and swung at it. He missed."Strike Three!""Wow!" he exclaimed. "I'm also the greatest pitcher in the world!"Have a Blessed Day
Dave and BarbaraNecessary Legal InformationWe do not mail clean-hewmor unsolicited. If you are receiving this newsletter from us it's because you have subscribed to this mailing list. If you receive this newsletter and are not a subscriber then someone, other than us, has forwarded it to you.Normal Subscribe: clean-hewmor-subscribe@welovegod.org
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Posted by: bigguyhereagain <bigguyhereagain@...>
"Why We Love Kids"
1. NUDITY
I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening
when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved.
when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved.
She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my
5-year-old shout from the back seat, "Mom! That lady isn't wearing a
seat belt!"
5-year-old shout from the back seat, "Mom! That lady isn't wearing a
seat belt!"
2. HONESTY
My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me
he'd dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So I fished it out and
threw it in the garbage. Zachary stood there thinking for a moment,
then ran to my bathroom and came out with my toothbrush. He held it
up and said with a charming little smile, "We better throw this one out too then, cause it fell in the toilet a few days ago."
he'd dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So I fished it out and
threw it in the garbage. Zachary stood there thinking for a moment,
then ran to my bathroom and came out with my toothbrush. He held it
up and said with a charming little smile, "We better throw this one out too then, cause it fell in the toilet a few days ago."
3. OPINIONS
On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note
from his mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by this
child are not necessarily those of his parents."
from his mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by this
child are not necessarily those of his parents."
4. KETCHUP
A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During
her struggle the phone rang, so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to
answer the phone. "It's the minister, Mommy," the child said. Then
she added, "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now.
She's hitting the bottle."
her struggle the phone rang, so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to
answer the phone. "It's the minister, Mommy," the child said. Then
she added, "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now.
She's hitting the bottle."
5. MORE NUDITY
A little boy got lost a t the YMCA and found himself in the women's
locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with
ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched
in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter, haven't you ever
seen a little boy before?"
locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with
ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched
in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter, haven't you ever
seen a little boy before?"
6. POLICE # 1
While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I
was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and
down at my uniform, she asked, "Are you a cop?"
was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and
down at my uniform, she asked, "Are you a cop?"
"Yes," I answered and continued writing the report.
"My mother said if I ever needed help, I should ask the police. Is that right?"
"Yes, that's right," I told her.
"Well, then," she said as she extended her foot toward me, "would you please tie my shoe?"
7.POLICE # 2
It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the
station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was
station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was
barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me. "Is that a dog you
got back there?" he asked. "It sure is," I replied. Puzzled, the
boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally
he said, "What'd he do?"
got back there?" he asked. "It sure is," I replied. Puzzled, the
boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally
he said, "What'd he do?"
8. ELDERLY
While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly
shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon
rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of
shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon
rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of
old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day
I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I
I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I
braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely
turned and whispered, "The tooth fairy will never believe this!"
9. DRESS-UP
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she
saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't
saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't
wear that suit."
"And why not, darling?"
"You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning."
10. DEATH
While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our
minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar
wilt. Apparently his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had
secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made
ready for the disposal of the deceased. The minister's son was
chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity
intoned his version of what he thought his father always said:
minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar
wilt. Apparently his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had
secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made
ready for the disposal of the deceased. The minister's son was
chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity
intoned his version of what he thought his father always said:
"Glory be unto the Faaaaaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into the hole he gooooes."
11. SCHOOL
A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm just
wasting my time," she said to her mother. "I can't read, I can't
write and they won't let me talk."
wasting my time," she said to her mother. "I can't read, I can't
write and they won't let me talk."
12. BIBLE
A little boy opened the big family bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the
Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was
an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages. "Mama,
look what I found," the boy called out.
Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was
an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages. "Mama,
look what I found," the boy called out.
"What have you got there, dear?"
With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, "I think it's Adam's underwear."
"Greatest Hitter"
A little boy was overheard talking to himself as he strutted through the
backyard, wearing his baseball cap and toting a ball and bat.
backyard, wearing his baseball cap and toting a ball and bat.
"I'm the greatest hitter in the world," he announced.
Then, he tossed the ball into the air, swung at it, and missed.
"Strike One!" he yelled.
Undaunted, he picked up the ball and said again,
"I'm the greatest hitter in the world!"
He tossed the ball into the air. When it came down he swung again and
missed.
missed.
"Strike Two!" he cried.
The boy then paused a moment to examine his bat and ball carefully. He spit on his hands and rubbed them together. He straightened his cap and said once more,
"I'm the greatest hitter in the world!"
Again he tossed the ball up in the air and swung at it. He missed.
"Strike Three!"
"Wow!" he exclaimed. "I'm also the greatest pitcher in the world!"
Have a Blessed Day
Dave and Barbara
Dave and Barbara
Necessary Legal Information
We do not mail clean-hewmor unsolicited. If you are receiving this newsletter from us it's because you have subscribed to this mailing list. If you receive this newsletter and are not a subscriber then someone, other than us, has forwarded it to you.
Normal Subscribe: clean-hewmor-subscribe@welovegod.org
Normal Unsubscribe: clean-hewmor-unsubscribe@welovegod.org
Web Subscribe: clean-hewmor-allow-subscribe@welovegod.org
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Email Group Owner: clean-hewmor-owner@welovegod.org
Normal Unsubscribe: clean-hewmor-unsubscribe@welovegod.org
Web Subscribe: clean-hewmor-allow-subscribe@welovegod.org
Web Unsubscribe: clean-hewmor-allow-unsubscribe@welovegod.org
Email Group Owner: clean-hewmor-owner@welovegod.org
Clean-Hewmor is only as good as the humor YOU contribute. Please take a few moments to send something funny so we can all get a good laugh! -- To unsubscribe, send ANY message to: clean-hewmor-unsubscribe@welovegod.org To subscribe, send ANY message to: clean-hewmor-subscribe@welovegod.org>
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