Quote from Forum Archives on November 2, 2000, 9:58 pm

Posted by: masinick <masinick@...>

Dear friends,

You undoubtedly realize that divorce is an ugly thing. Many of you may
have already faced it, and know firsthand. Virtually all of us know someone
who has been divorced; a disturbing number of us have been affected by one
or more divorces within our families.

What about pastors? Do you think they ever get divorced? Well, pastors
are human, they have the same weaknesses that all of us have to deal with.
The answer is, "Yes".

In this week's edition of Sowing Seeds of Faith, Larry Davies introduces
the topic. In the weeks to come, he will offer us some insights. I
encourage you to read this.

My friends, we all know people who have been divorced. We all know that
divorce is not good, we all know it is not right. These messages are
NOT about that. This is about caring and loving those who hurt, INCLUDING
pastors who have had to endure divorce. If you know anyone who has been
divorced or faces divorce, just be their friend, OK? They already know
the rules. They don't need a lecture from any of us. Just be someone
there to listen. Maybe, just maybe, it will be possible to save some
marriages by being willing to listen and care, instead of judge. But
even if it does happen, our job is to encourage those we know and love.
God hates divorce, yet His love endures forever. Can we do any less?

Brother Brian

From: "Sowing Seeds Ministry" <sowseeds@nesbeonline.com>
Subject: "Divorce: When It Strikes Your Pastor"
Sowing Seeds Devotion 11/2/2000

This may be the most difficult column I've ever written. Clergy
divorce may be the toughest issue facing pastoral leadership yet
we seldom hear about it. As always, I hope this devotion will
stimulate discussion and prayer. Your comments and concerns are
welcome. I hope to use a few of them next week. If you want to
read more about divorce and divorce ministry... you can click
here: www.sowingseedsoffaith.com/divorce.htm

If you want to explore other ways to use Sowing Seeds Devotions
click here and check out other materials that are available. As
always if you are a ministry, feel free to email and let me know
how I can help. We are a non-profit ministry so we are eager to
serve. Click here for futher information:
www.sowingseedsoffaith.com/order.htm

Sowing Seeds of Faith

Divorce: When It Strikes Your Pastor? Part one

Larry Davies

"Pastor Kills Wife and Himself!" was the shocking headline of a
newspaper article. "A pastor fatally shot his estranged wife
yesterday before turning the gun on himself, authorities said."
The article mentioned frequent arguments and the pastor's
unwillingness to accept the divorce. I noticed one comment by a
church member: "They were such good people. I don't know what
went wrong."

No one is immune to the tragedy of marital distress and divorce,
not even the men and women who devote their livelihood to
serving God. The same pastor who is depended upon to provide
God's loving grace during a crisis often has no place to turn
when the family experiencing calamity is his/her own. This is
especially true when the predicament involves separation or
divorce. I know! I've been there!

"I'm leaving you. I don't like this town or this life and I
don't love you!" The conversation took longer but it was what
she meant. Within a few days, my wife of fifteen years had
packed her clothes, half of our furniture and many of our
memories in a borrowed pickup truck and moved away to start
over. Left behind were two crying children, an emotionally
wrecked husband and a confused church community.

So many questions come to mind during an experience like this
and I remember asking them all. "Why is she leaving me? Am I
really that hard to live with? How will I care for my children?
Will she come back? What if I lost weight? What if I changed
my attitude? Oh Lord? why me?"

I also had to deal with questions about my career. "How can I
stand in front of my congregation and admit being a failure?
Will they let me continue as their pastor? Do I even want to
continue? Is this what God had in mind when I changed careers
to serve the church? Again, Oh Lord? why me?"

A Newsweek article states: "In recent years the divorce rate for
protestant clergy has risen to match the general population."
In other words, clergy and their families are not immune to the
human tragedies that infect us all. The Bible explicitly
describes how pastors should treat their families: "You must
manage your own family well, with children who respect and obey
you. For if you cannot manage your own household, how can you
take care of God?s church?" (1 Timothy 3:4-5) G ood question!

Keith Madsen examines the problem in: Fallen Images:
Experiencing Divorce in the Ministry. "One view is that a
minister cannot show any major flaw or failure. The minister
has to project the image of a person who has been strong enough
to resist the evils with which others struggle." Perfection is
an impossible image to live up to and attempts can lead to
serious trouble.

Divorce explodes the perfect pastoral image. In addition to the
excruciating personal pain of a marital break-up there is also
the public humiliation of having your leadership abilities
challenged before the church and community. So clergy divorce
becomes a dual tragedy, personally and professionally, causing
severe emotional damage to the pastor and his/her family.

What about the former husband or wife of a pastor? Because most
ministers live in church housing the spouse is always forced to
move. What happens to the children? Where do they go? Who do
they turn too? The church that was once a source of emotional
and financial support is now unavailable.

And the news gets worse? Clergy divorce also divides the
church. Some members will rally around the pastor offering
sympathy and encouragement. Others will demand an investigation
and maybe a resignation. Most church members will quietly
grieve for the family. Some will say, "I told you so!"
Meanwhile, much of the ministry and work of the church grinds to
a screeching halt.

God says it best, "For I hate divorce?" (Malachi 2:16)

What should the church do? Consider clergy divorce a private
matter and quietly offer family counseling? Should church
authorities automatically require divorcing pastors to resign?

Next week I'll try to give you reasonable and Biblical answers.
Meanwhile, let your pastor know how much you love him or her and
offer support and prayers. They really need it. Don't we all?

=====
--
Brian Masinick, "The Mas", mailto:masinick@yahoo.com
Home page: www.geocities.com/masinick/
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