Quote from Forum Archives on November 23, 2004, 11:04 pm

Posted by: masinick <masinick@...>

Dear friends,

I received this as a prayer request. As we approach Thanksgiving, we all have
so much to be thankful for, but there are those for which this time of year
sharply contrasts with what others of us know. I've experienced both ends, for
I have come from a loving, caring family, and Thanksgiving has always been a
wonderful time for us. Moreover, I've had a church family, and sharing thanks
with the people of God always brings hope and perspective.

However, I did experience a few years in which I did not want to share holidays
or joyful times with anyone because I was not experiencing any kind of joy
myself at that time in my life. If you have had such an experience or you feel
that way today, this message is for you, and I am praying for you now.

I will say that God is the One person who truly knows and understands, for He
actually has been there. For one thing, God knows all things and He knows
things we don't even know about ourselves. For another thing, God became man -
the God man Jesus Christ, and He experienced rejection and hatred, loneliness
and loss, just as many of us have experienced. Yet He did it all without sin.
Today, He is our One advocate who can honestly say "I have been there..." and
it will be true.

MY own experiences pale in comparison to the one that follows and they also
pale compared to what Jesus Christ faced, for you, for me.

Please use this message to identify with the hurting around us. Give thanks,
but also be sensitive to those who have a great deal of difficulty being
thankful about anything right now. Pray for them, love them... who knows, we
may get a turn to be in a similar place.

Yours in Christ,
Brian

Please pass this on for me. Thank you, Kathy

I have been receiving pray request for almost a year and everyone touches my
heart. Two weeks ago I received a prayer request to e mail someone who was
thinking about suicide and Not only was my heart touched but my whole body was
filled with the spirit.

My only brother killed himself in February of 1998, our parents where already
gone and NOW by brother. Why God, Why...I have a very close personal
relationship with our Lord and I knew I would get my answers in His time.

My brother's suicide has changed my life forever. I miss him so much and I to
know all about overwhelming pain but I know that everything is in the Lord's
hands, sometimes the Lord and I play catch because I keep trying to be in
control but WOW when you finally give it up, He takes it and replaces it with
peace.

My brother left a suicide note, it was addressed to me but because every
suicide has to be investigated for homicide it was about two weeks before I was
able to pick the letter up. My brother had two boy's that where 10 and 14, I
was baby-sitting them when I finally got the call. My brother had several
health problems and at the age of 37 he was unable to work. My father, who died
when I was twelve, owned a construction company and my brother was on heavy
equipment with our dad before he was two. My brother was a hard worker, we came
from a family of hard workers so it was almost expected.

The week before my brother left this world his wife of seventeen years dropped
there boys off at wrestling and never came back. My brother seemed to be
handling it so well, the people who where close to my brother where very
surprised. I was living alone with my two boys, my sixteen year marriage had
just ended. I remember wondering why my brother was going to have the pain of
losing someone again, I knew how badly it hurt me.

I had my nephews overnight so my brother could go to a doctors appointment the
next morning. It was in the afternoon when I began wondering why I had not
heard from my brother yet, he should have been out of the his appointment. I
called and left a message, a few hours later I called and left another message,
I think I must have left around twenty message's. After my divorce I moved and
now was living almost an hour from my brother so I called his best friend and
asked if he could take a ride over to check on Mike. I knew in my heart before
calling his friend that something was not right, something was wrong. I started
to pray, my prayers where everywhere because my thoughts where everywhere, when
I look back I see God holding me in his arms but at the time I don't even
remember what I was exactly praying for. It is not our words that he listens to
it's our hearts.

When people ask me how I told my nephews I always say with such peace, by the
Grace of God. My life, along with so many others has been hard, and painful. I
grew up going to a Catholic church with my grandmother and then my Aunt until I
was twenty-six. No one made me go I just wanted to go. When my mom died there
was a Pastor that attended the service and as he spoke I felt the presence of
the Holy Spirit (I did not know it was the Holy Spirit back then), that was it
I was re baptized a year later!

Because of all the loses in my life I have formed such a personal relationship
with God and I have His strength to carry me.

I saw this saying at my Surviving Suicide group and it is the truth: 'Those who
commit suicide die one death, those they leave behind die a thousand.' That
saying would have meant nothing to me if I was not a survivor of suicide.

Suicide left me with so many unanswered questions, so much pain, it is a lonely
place to be when you are left with such huge pain, a pain that you just cannot
understand unless you have lived it.

Looking back on most of my life I see only one set of Footprints and they are
not mine. When life seems so hard and so painful that you want to die don't
give in just keep taking those steps that seem so hard, remember to talk God
even if you don't know what you are saying. The lord knows what we mean. All He
wants from us is to keep our hearts open and know that he is there no matter
how dark it seems.

I will pray for all those who are thinking about ending there live and I will
pray for the families and friends that love them so much.

=====
--
Brian Masinick, mailto:masinick@yahoo.com
Home page: www.geocities.com/masinick/

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