Word for Today, Thu, 3 Aug 2000: Dealing with Despair
Posted by: masinick <masinick@...>
A while back, before this message came out in a devotional, I
received a copy of this same Email that Larry Davies shares with
us in this week's devotional. As it did for Larry, it pretty
much froze me in my seat. I wanted to say or do anything I could
to encourage this person.
I can relate to Janice. I have felt despair in my life before,
even to the point she shares in her letter. So I wrote to her,
and told her that. I also told her that there were people who
cared about me and prayed for me. I told Janice that I wanted to
do that for her.
I cannot feel exactly what Janice feels, or someone like her.
But I *do* know what discouragement is like, even to the point of
hopeless despair.
The good news is that I also have a new hope, and my new hope has
never failed me. I cried out to the Lord. Some of you have
heard that phrase before. The writers of the Psalms use that
phrase a lot. Well, I personally tried it.
I am a living testimony that serves as a reminder that God is
still in the business of caring about individual people --- all
people. It is we, the people, who have made all kinds of claims
about God, who He is, what He does (or does not do), and what He
is like. In my experience, I have found that each time we do
that, we tend to limit the power and wonder of our God.
I ache for people who do not understand what God can do. I
believe that Janice believes in God. Is that God able to handle
this depth of despair? I say, emphatically, "YES"!
Stay tuned. I have a feeling that our good friend, Larry Davies,
will share more with us about suicide and sowing seeds of faith.
Meanwhile, please pray for Janice and people like her. If you
see someone like this, please don't tell them what to do, but do
offer a listening ear, and DO pray --- continually!
Brother Brian
Subject: "Suicide & Janice" Sowing Seeds Devotion August 3, 2000
Sowing Seeds of Faith...
"Suicide and Janice"
Her first email sent cold chills down my spine: Please pray. I
know God is my Savior. I know nothing is impossible without Him
but I am overwhelmed and knowing just isn't enough right now. I
know suicide is a sin but I hope that God will know my heart and
forgive me. I hold the pill bottle in my hand knowing it is
wrong but not having the strength or courage to live. I have a
good husband and a teenage son who need me but right now that
isn't enough. I just want to die and go home to my Savior. Please
pray God will forgive me and take me home. She gave me her name:
Janice (changed) but no address.
The second email arrived minutes after the first, again from
Janice: I know I just sent in a prayer request but I am scared. I
am not afraid to die. I am afraid to live!
I responded immediately telling her about the suicide that had
occurred within my own family and how much we were all devastated
by the tragedy. Later that evening Janice sent me a reply:
I know the devastation I will leave behind. I know my child;
husband and friends may never forgive me. I just can't put into
words the pain inside: Both emotional and physical. I have seen
God use me even in my darkest moments. I have felt the blessing
that he would choose someone as unworthy as myself to reach
someone in need. But I am just so tired. I cannot find the hope
that once gave me the will to trust in God. To really believe he
will take care of me. My life and self-esteem are scattered in
pieces and I cannot find the strength or courage to let God
finish what was started. I am tired and alone and I just don't
want to die without knowing people will pray for my husband and
child. I have a wonderful counselor who has been with me through
these dark nights of my soul. He promises to stay with me until
God finishes but I have taken so much and given nothing back. I
am so broken. It hurts so deep inside and all hope is buried in
darkness. I wrote this poem but I can't seem to finish it. It
describes what it feels like inside:
It's in the silence of the night that I hear my heart cry
When I wish the days of life would just pass me by
I don't know what I'm feeling... just emptiness inside
The place where lies of darkness go to run and hide
It's a sadness that comes over, a fear of things unknown
I pray to God my Father "Let Your light be shown!"
Yet the darkness all around me, the shadows of the night
Overtake the truths I know in my mind to be right
My intense desire to live... to continue to try
Is now overpowered by a longing to die
Can I trust in You completely to carry me along
Can I believe what You say "In You I am strong"
I'm so afraid to believe that You are standing right there
With Your arms stretched out saying "My child I care!"
That kind of love my empty heart just can't begin to hold
I'm told that I'm unlovable, broken and cold
I long to wrap my arms around you, climb up upon Your knee
To find the strength within to say that I am free.
I want to finish saying I can give God all of me, give him my
life, that I trust Him, that I am worthy of His love but I feel
none of these. I just feel dark and empty. I want to take the
pills. I'm tired. I want to finish and go home. I don't
understand why this is a battle. Why can't I just die? It's like
I can't even do this right. Please help me. Pray for me. Pray
with me.
A real person seeking real help wrote these letters and there are
thousands of people around the world who feel the same way. As
Christians... what should do? How can we help? What should we
say? Next week: "Suicide and Janice... Answers." Meanwhile, say
an extra prayer for Janice.
Larry E. Davies
http://www.SowingSeedsofFaith.com
A Christian Devotional website with ATTITUDE, humor, great
stories and a down-to-earth Bible study.
=====
--
Brian Masinick, "The Mas", mailto:masinick@yahoo.com
Home page: http://www.geocities.com/masinick/
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