Wrapping presents with dogs
Posted by: bigguyhereagain <bigguyhereagain@...>
1. Gather presents, boxes, paper, etc. in middle of living room floor.
2. Get tape back from puppy.
3. Remove scissors from older dog's mouth.
4. Open box.
5. Take puppy out of box.
6. Remove tape from older dog's mouth.
7. Take scissors away from puppy.
8. Put present in box.
9. Remove present from puppy's mouth.
10. Put back in box after removing puppy from box.
11. Take scissors from older dog and sit on them.
12. Remove puppy from box and put on lid.
13. Take tape away from older dog.
14. Unroll paper.
15. Take puppy OFF box.
16. Cut paper being careful not to cut puppy's foot or nose that is getting in the way as he "helps."
17. Let puppy tear remaining paper.
18. Take puppy off box.
19. Wrap paper around box.
20. Remove puppy from box & take wrapping paper from its mouth.
21. Tell older dog to fetch the tape so he will stop stealing it.
22. Take scissors away from puppy.
23. Take tape older dog is holding.
24. Quickly tape one spot before taking scissors from older dog & sitting on them again.
25. Fend off puppy trying to steal tape & tape another spot.
26. Take bow from older dog.
27. Go get roll of wrapping paper puppy ran off with.
28. Take scissors from older dog who took them when you got up.
29. Give pen to older dog to hold so he stops licking your face.
30. Remove puppy from present & hurriedly slap tape on to hold the paper on.
31. Take now soggy bow from puppy & tape on since the sticky stuff no longer sticks.
32. Take pen from older dog, address tag & affix while puppy tries to eat pen.
33. Grab present before puppy opens it & put it away.
34. Clean up mess puppy & older dog made playing tug-of-war with remnants of wrapping paper.
35. Put away rest of wrapping supplies & tell dogs what good helpers they are.
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~~~ A dog's Christmas promises ~~~
Christmas is for humans, and I will not ruin the surprises by opening all their presents.
Christmas light bulbs, Christmas ornaments, Christmas stockings, and tinsel from the Christmas tree are not food.
I am the alpha dog, therefore I do not need to protect my new Christmas rawhide from the omega dog by taking it outside to eat when the wind chill is -10 F.
I will not demolish the Christmas tree and drag the string of lights out into the backyard through the doggy door.
I will not dive into the Christmas tree to get the candy canes (which I will eat -- paper and all).
I will not eat my Christmas doggie treats until after they're out of the stocking!
I will not even THINK about going underneath the Christmas tree and piddling on the dining room rug.
I will not get into a fight with the bigger dog next door, making my human have to call the vet's at Christmas.
I will not get tangled up in the Christmas tree lights and pull the tree down while trying to get at a cat through the conservatory window.
I will not pee on Grandma's Christmas presents that are under her tree as soon as we enter her house.
I will not pee on the Christmas tree.
I will not steal the neighbor's Christmas light bulbs.
The bowl underneath the Christmas tree is not a dog dish. I will not drink from it. It will make me sick.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~ What not to get your dog for Christmas ~~~
1. A CD of cats meowing popular Christmas songs.
2. A chew toy with the head already gnawed off by his canine brother who chewed his way into the gift box around the 15th of the month.
3. A chew toy shaped like a shoe which he is immediately going to confuse with the right sneaker of your favorite pair.
4. Central A/C for his Dogloo when you're still using individual wall units that are barely up to cooling a small close-size area in your house.
5. Anything Garfield.
6. A remote control for the refrigerator door.
7. A knitted pink sweater that makes your macho doberman look like a poodle.
8. A deluxe pre-packaged treat-filled Christmas stocking that's large enough for you to use as a sleeping bag.
9. Doggie antlers when your near-sighted hunting relatives will be spending the holidays with you.
10. A stuffed toy dog with an angel's halo as a hint as to what he has to do to get more presents next year.
11. A doggie door between you and the suspicious butcher next door.
12. An audition for a diet dog food commercial where they feed him so much during retakes that he actually gains weight.
13. A piece of jewelry featuring a ceramic dog of his breed for you to wear.
14. His own Petsmart credit card.
15. A cat.
Have a Blessed Day
Dave and Barbara
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