Your Job Thursday
Posted by: bigguyhereagain <bigguyhereagain@...>
The patrol officer stopped a motorist for a traffic
violation.
Standing outside his expensive foreign car, the
red-faced driver
frantically waved his hands and jumped up and down.
"I'll have your job for this!" he shouted at the top
of his lungs.
"Sir, you wouldn't want my job," replied the unruffled
officer as
he wrote out the citation.
"The hours are long, the pay is low, and you meet some
of the
nastiest people."
***********************
"Two Sweaters"
My mother once gave me two sweaters for Christmas. The
next time we visited, I made sure to wear one.
As we entered her home, instead of the expected smile,
she
said, "What's the matter? You didn't like the other
one?"
***************************
"Chocolate Christmas"
'Twas the night before Christmas and all round my hips
Were Fannie May candies that sneaked past my lips.
Fudge brownies were stored in the freezer with care,
In hopes that my thighs would forget they were there.
While Mama in her girdle and I in chin straps,
Had just settled down to sugar-borne naps.
When out in the pantry there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the kitchen I flew like a flash,
Tore open the icebox then threw up the sash.
The marshmallow look of the new-fallen snow
sent thoughts of a binge to my body below.
When what to my wandering eyes should appear:
A marzipan Santa with eight chocolate reindeer!
That huge chunk of candy so luscious and slick
I knew in a second that I'd wind up sick.
The sweet-coated Santa, those sugared reindeer,
I closed my eyes tightly but still I could hear;
On Pritzker, on Stillman, on weak one, on TOPS;
A Weight Watcher dropout from sugar detox.
From the top of the scales to the top of the hall
Now dash away pounds; now dash away all.
Dressed up in Lane Bryant from my head to nightdress,
My clothes were all bulging from too much excess.
My droll little mouth and my round little belly
they shook when I laughed like a bowl full of jelly.
I spoke not a word but went straight to my work -
Ate all of the candy - then turned with a jerk!
And laying a finger beside my heartburn,
Gave a quick nod toward the bedroom I turned.
I eased into bed, to the heavens I cry,
"If temptation's removed, I'll get thin by and by!"
And I mumbled again as I turned for the night,
"In the morning I'll starve...'til I take that first
bite!"
***********************
Have a Blessed Day
Dave and Barbara
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