ZIMBOES
Posted by: root <root@...>
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A humorous look at the situation in Zimbabwe.
THE ADVANTAGES OF BEING A ZIMBABWEAN:
1. No need trying to keep up with the Jones', they emigrated last week.
2. You can eat half dried meat and not be considered disgusting.
3. Nothing is your fault, you blame it all on colonialism.
4. You get to buy a new car every 3 months and the insurance company even
pays for it.
5. You can experience bad service in four official languages.
6 Where else can you get oranges with 45% alcohol content at soccer matches
7. It's the only country in the world where striking workers show how angry
they are by dancing.
8. You're considered clumsy if you cannot use a cell phone (without a car
kit), change CDs, drink and smoke, all at the same time while driving
a car at 100 kph.
9. Burglar bars become a feature, and a great selling point for your house.
10. You can decorate your garden walls with barbed wire..
11 The police are the first on the scene for most major crimes, without
being called.
YOU KNOW YOU'RE IN ZIMBABWE WHEN:
a) Votes have to be recounted until the right party wins..
b) When illegal immigrants leave the country because the crime rate is too
high
c) The police ask you if they must follow up on the burglary you've just
reported.
d) The police stations have panic buttons to call armed response when they
are burgled.
e) Police cars are fitted with immobilizes and gear locks!
YOU KNOW YOU'RE FROM ZIMBABWE IF:
1. You've never met any celebrities.
2. Your idea of a traffic jam is three cars waiting to pass a tractor on the
main road.
3. "Vacation" means going to the family rural home.
4. You've seen all the biggest bands ten years after they were popular.
5. You measure distance in buses.
6. You know several people who have hit a donkey.
7. Your school classes were cancelled because of floods.
8. Your school classes were cancelled because of a political rally.
9. You've had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.
10. Stores don't have bags; they have sacks.
11. You see people wear PTC, ZESA, BCC, skanska, or JOHNSON & FLETCHER
overalls at funerals.
12. You use "fix" as an adverb. Example: I am fixing to go to the store.
13. All the roads across the town are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain,
animal or a dead war vet.
14. You install security lights on your house and garage and only switch
them on when you go to bed.
15. You think of the major four food groups as beef, chicken, sadza (maize
meal), and tea.
16. You carry jumper cables in your car.
17. You know what "queue cheating" and "petrol hoarding" is.
18. You only own 3 spices: salt, pepper and tomango.
19. You think everyone from another country is better than you.
20. You think sexy lingerie is a tee shirt and boxer shorts.
21. The local paper covers national and international headlines on one page
but requires 6 pages for the land issue, Jonathan Moyo and Zanu-PF.
22. You know which leaves make good toilet paper.
23. You know all 4 seasons: Almost Summer, Summer, Still Summer and
Christmas.
24. You know if another Zimbabwean is from southern, middle or northern
Zimbabwe as soon as they open their mouth.
25. You actually understand this and forward it to other MaZimbos
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