Part Two – Adultery: Is Anybody Committed Anymore?
by Kathy on 2001-03-30 17:26:01
Day six: the first marriage: “And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of man. Therefore shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.” Gen. 2:23-24
Last week I wrote to you concerning adultery and the contrast between the relationship my grandparents had and my first marriage. I was young and very naive when I met my first husband. He was almost 13 years older than I. I was almost 19 when we met. Due to a stringent, religious upbringing, my dating experiences had been few and my mother refused to discuss anything with me concerning male and female relationships. Now, at 36, if I were to meet the same man for the first time, I would have no trouble seeing the truth of his character.
As I said previously, I had an idea of what marriage should be using my grandparents for an example. However, today’s society seems to teach and condone the idea that marriage is not sacred and not to be viewed as a firm commitment.
A few days ago, I had dinner with a woman I just met through some mutual contacts. She needed someone to talk to and confide in, so God put me in her path. She met a guy on the internet. They happened to live in the same town, and soon met in person. Immediately they decided to live together. Things seemed to be going smoothly for a while, but then she discovered that she was not the only woman in his life. In fact, there were several other women in his life. He had quite a telephone and internet scam going on. She was just one of many. Now, she has to decide whether to stay and work on the relationship or let it go.
Even though it is popular on all the talk shows, sitcoms, and soap operas, the idea of sex before marriage and living together without a commitment can be very detrimental and damaging. “Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.” (I Cor. 7:1-2) The first mistake this woman made was to begin an intimate relationship with someone she had just met and allow him to become part of her daily life. She confided in me that they never became friends–just straight to the bedroom. She found herself paying all the bills, while he kept his money and financial affairs to himself, as well as his continued involvement with other women.
I know I will be extremely unpopular with some when I say this, but if a man or woman is not committed enough to marry the person they are having a relationship with, they should also not be permitted to enjoy the privileges of an intimate relationship without the marriage commitment. As a woman, I respect myself and I care about my relationship with God. It was never God’s way or His intention that men and women should have sexual relationships outside of marriage. Even when a couple involved in a sexual relationship eventually does marry, for most it is not the same. I know of several couples who lived together before marriage, some for as long as 15 years, and were divorced within a year of the wedding. Why? Because the true commitment was never there.
Many years ago I met a young man who was about to marry. He said he was going to give it a “30 day trial basis,” and if he didn’t like the way things went, he would get out. Ladies and gentlemen, I have something to tell you. When you get married, it’s time to stop dating! It’s time to stop acting like you are single. It’s time to be committed, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health. If you begin a marriage with the idea that you will seek a divorce if you find somebody else you like better, you might as well not get married and stop using the one you’re with for your own satisfaction. There is no hurt like the hurt caused by adultery.
Did my grandparents, married more than 50 years, ever feel like giving up? I’m sure they did, but once upon a time they committed their lives to each other and they meant what they promised and vowed to God and to each other.
If you are a married person contemplating adultery or divorce, think again. You may be about to give up the best thing God ever gave you. What did you say at the altar on your wedding day? Your spouse should NEVER be given a reason to doubt your love for them or your commitment. God will help you when you both want to make the marriage work and are willing to honor your commitment to one another. That said, there are times when a spouse in a marriage is not willing to work it out, and then there are Biblical grounds for divorce and sometimes it’s the only option for the believing spouse (I Cor. 7:15).
There is no perfect marriage or one without occasional dissention, but where there is a will, there is a way.
In the next couple of weeks, I will continue with other aspects of this subject. If you need prayer or advice regarding your specific situation, please contact me either by commenting to this article or you may e-mail me directly: kredwood65@integrity.com.
May His peace be yours today,
Kat
Disclaimer: Kathy Redwood is not a secular, professional counselor. The nature and purpose of her ministry is discipleship,
not professional/secular counseling, and she has not been trained in medicine or psychology, nor has she been trained in any
type of secular counseling. Kathy Redwood’s emphasis is in the direction of the Word of God, and she trains people to search
the scriptures (the Bible) for answers to life’s problems. Neither Kathy Redwood nor welovegod.org nor any of its owners,
members, or representatives are responsible for, and cannot be held liable for, any harm, injury, or loss occurring in the lives
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decide to do in the future.