SelfEsteem
SELF-ESTEEM
“They hid from the Lord God among the trees of the garden … I was afraid … so I hid.”
Here begins the fall of man, the loss of his self-esteem. Man, the noblest of all God’s creations, cowering in fear, hating himself and hating what he had done. He had lost his most important relationship, his relationship with God. When that became severed, he was set adrift in a sea of confusion; his security gone; his very identity lost.
Today, the same condition remains, as man has separated himself farther and farther from God, his creator, he has suffered a multitude of results from this separation: fears, anxieties, disabling physical conditions, split personalities, mental disorders of all kinds, and terrifying diseases. The loss of his identity and his self-worth may be the most serious product of this alienation of all the disastrous results.
Man’s Remedies
To find his lost identity, man has looked to other men for the answers rather than to God. Still determined to go his independent way, man has exchanged the Word of God for the word of man. But man’s answers are often confusing and conflicting. There are thousands of self-help books all offering a different way. There are more than 200 methods of counseling procedures, much of it proclaiming itself as the only way and debunking all other theories.
Man has looked to others for help and man has also looked within himself for help. Man has looked to drugs to give him that special experience whereby his identity and gaols will become clear. Man has meditated, isolated himself in caves and punished himself all to no avail. Man has decided to reform himself, making vows that he can never keep. He has attempted to clean up his own life so that he will feel better about himself, but he finds little power to do this.
Often he has sought to be a perfectionist, watching and evaluating his every move so that others will see his value and worth, thereby reflecting back positive feeling to elevate his worth. Yet man despairs at the attempt, man can never be perfect. He destroys all that he gains, he finds maintaining a record of perfection beyond his grasp.
Man puts on masks so others will not see his imperfections. Man has been told that if he is in control, that is, if he dominates, intimidates others, his identity will not be challenged and his worth assured. He tries to see himself as a ‘take charge’ person, unaffected by emotions; the macho-man; able to defend himself in all situations. But this bubble eventually bursts. It is inevitable that he will come face to face with others who also have a heavy investment in their facade and someone must lose.
The masks become too heavy to bear, providing more problems than they solve. Some seek a passive way of life, seeing themselves as generous, giving people. They believe that through giving they can obtain the affirmation, compliments, and praise so badly needed. But they serve others with wrong motivation. They want full repayment. If this is not forthcoming (and one can never receive full payment for every act of kindness), resentment and a bitter spirit set in. Self-worth can never be purchased.
Some men, fearful of competing with peers, surrender their manhood, hating their maleness, they buy into the deception that God made some great error in their formation, that they are not part of the male sex, but trapped in a misformed body. Others recognise their maleness, but find that this identity requires more than they can cope with. They look for a ‘great protector’ to shelter them from the contempt found in this world. The homosexual world is built around the theory that there is one special person ‘out there’ that is going to make everything all right.
God’s Way
God has a plan for man to recapture his lost identity. But God is very particular about how one follows His plan. He has said that His way is narrow and that few find it. He demands that we come in surrender and brokenness, freely admitting that we have failed and cannot save ourselves or restore our lost identity. He requires that we approach Him in a state of repentance. We must be willing to accept change in our lives, a change of heart and a change of direction. It is to be His way all the way, or it is no way at all.
God will never allow Himself to be the ‘FORCE’ behind our plans. He sees the folly of our plans and will not be a party to such nonsense. His ways are higher than our ways. To Him, our plans and our ways are foolishness, childish, and immature. God has a better way!
Does God Have A Rule Book?
It is said that Jesus identified 144 commandments that we must follow. If we follow all of these, we will arrive at perfection, right? Wrong!. It is not that easy. Although Jesus gave us commandments, He was the very One Who spoke out against following legalistic demands. What then are we to do? Jesus gave us an out, one simple law that supersedes all the others and brings all the others to completion.
Is it an easy way? No, perhaps it is even harder than following all the 144 laws given, yet it brings a peace and fulfilment that is unknown to those who simply follow the laws. His great commandment is to love. Love will conquer all. It is the solution to all problems, bringing rest to the weary, identity to those who have lost their identity and worth to the worthless.
What Does Love Require?
The love chapter, 1st Corinthians 13, reveals the requirements of love. Love is patient, kind, bears the burdens of others, endures all things, believes the best, defends others, protects others, trusts others, and takes advice from others. Love does not brag, insist on it’s own rights, does not delight in evil or injustice, and it does not remember the wrongs others have committed. A tall order, just as difficult as following all 144 commandments. Now where are we?
A Love For God
The first commandment is first for a very good reason, we cannot love others, we cannot fulfil the requirements of love, or to follow all the commandments until we first love God. Here is what Jesus said:
“Love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment.” Matthew 22:37.
Until we develop a two-way love relationship with God, we will have nothing to give to others, our motivation for giving will be wrong and the results will bring only evil in return. But how does one love God? What does it mean to love God? How can you love the great unseen God; the invisible God?
Approaching God In Humility and Brokenness.
God requires everything from us: we are left with no rights, no defense, nothing. If we meet His requirements, His plan for our lives goes into effect. He requires of us complete honesty. He requires on our part a desire to know Him and to love him. All those who seek Him will surely find Him. This is a fact, it is not a ‘sometime’ thing. God wants us in communication with Him. We can never love someone that we are not in communication with. Love is built on intimacy. We must become intimate with God. He actually must become a part of our life moment by moment. He must be the friend to whom we bring every thought, every problem. He must be that trusted friend that we know will never fail us. We must see God as good! He has only good things for us. He is not bent on punishment or retaliation, but only wants to pour out His best for us.
A Love Affair With God.
It is a fact that we love to do what we love to do. Sound strange? Think it over. Do you do things voluntarily that you don’t want to do? No, you avoid those things you dislike or have no interest in. Once you love God, once your love begins to affect your life, you will begin to see things through His eyes. You will want to serve Him and have a desire to do the right thing. Those who are walking uprightly with God have their identity and self-esteem restored. The fall is bridged. We once again are able to walk with God, unashamed and feeling no necessity to hide from Him. It will be His love for us, and our receiving that love, that provides our proper and intended identity. We are to find our identity in Christ, our restored identity. Those who walk with God have a new nature, the new nature wants to please God and hates those things that God hates and loves what God loves.
“walk in the Spirit and you will not fulfil the desires of the flesh.” Galatians 5:16.
- Frank Worthen
For further information about homosexuality or about other areas of sexual brokenness, please contact:
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This article is reprinted by permission from:
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