Sue_Donaldson
“Somehow I knew Jesus loved me, and wouldn’t hurt me, and I could always cry about my problems to Him without creating any more.”
I am a born and bred Annapolitan (Annapolis, MD), raised Catholic. My mother struggled to send me, my sisters and brother to Catholicschools. I might not have appreciated it then, but I do now, if for noother reason than a better education than public schools here have tooffer.
The product of a broken home (I was 7 years old when my parentsdivorced), we had to grow up pretty quickly. We didn’t hear much frommy father – financially or socially – for the first few years. With mymother thrust into a position of working 12-15 hour days, we took careof the house – the cooking and cleaning. My eldest sister Nancy, then12, was in charge.
The first two years following the divorce was, for me, full of avariety of kinds of abuse from assorted family members (not immediatefamily). The safest thing to do was to withdraw from life, frompeople. But that didn’t stop the pain. Not hearing from my fatherserved to worsen things for me; I had always been “daddy’s girl.”
Maybe that was the reason I got so involved in the YoungLife groupas a freshman in high school, when I was 13. Somehow I knew Jesusloved me, and wouldn’t hurt me, and I could always cry about myproblems to Him without creating any more. I felt accepted, withoutbeing judged. Safe.
The people I met – the priests associated with the school and theothers involved in the group – felt like a *real* family to me. It wasincredible how close the feeling was. People’s pasts didn’t matter;the present and the future were important. Most important was our lovefor the Lord and the fellowship in Christ we had together.
The next two years were filled with a spiritual growth the likes ofwhich I’d have never thought possible! There were no limits on ourrejoicing, and I would never have thought a prayer life could have beenany fuller than it was at that point.
As I entered my junior year, the majority of the group hadgraduated, and YoungLife disbanded. Guess I felt sort of abandoned(again).
At 15 years of age I was working about 25 hours a week – anddrinking pretty heavily. At 16 I started smoking pot. My freshman yearin college, I met – and started dating – a dealer, and was sooninvolved with cocaine, speed, LSD, mushrooms, hash, opium and probablya couple other drugs I can’t recall at the moment.
Four years later, I broke it off with the dealer, but still hungonto the drugs. Hey – they were security…a way to “cope.”
During those 13 “wasted years, ” a lot happened…failedrelationships, lost friendships, a lot of turmoil. Suicide entered mymind, as it probably enters the minds of a lot of people involved indrugs to that degree. And while I didn’t actively seek it, my actionsleaned in a different direction. I’d go for days without eating orsleeping. I *had* to stay on the speed, I rationalized; after all, Iwas taking 15 credits in college and working 35 hours a week.
A friend – whose opinion I valued more than life itself at thatpoint – said to me “Sue. You’ve gotta stop this. You *have* to slowdown. Lay off the speed, get some rest and eat something. If youdon’t, you’re gonna kill yourself.” I smiled at Scott and said “I don’tcare.” And I meant it.
I’m not sure what happened to change that attitude, and I can’tpoint to a specific time that it happened, but I found myself feelingout of control. Gradually, I broke out of the addictions and got awayfrom the drugs. Pot was the hardest thing give up, though. My lastround with it was in July, 1988.
Even before I gave that up, though, I felt a tug from Above; aburning desire…no, a NEED…to regain that relationship with Christthat I had once, what seemed like a lifetime ago. And I startedseeking that relationship, albeit fairly feebly and in the wrongplaces. I began by talking with people, hoping to maybe rekindle aspark that I believed was still there, somewhere.
Months passed and I wasn’t sure I was going to be able to find whatI sought. I wasn’t sure I deserved to have that back again. Throughthe bulletin boards I met a fellow in Baltimore who told me to relaxabout it and not be as worried as I had been; that things would happenin their own time.
Less than two months after that, I found myself calling SMCIS. Tothis day, I do not know where I got the phone number for the board. With that first call, a series of amazing “coincidences” began tohappen…
..I do not call long distance boards, but I began to call SMCIS. Every day.
..Buggs Bugnon invites me to a CBMC outreach dinner, which Iattended.
..In response to a message to someone else, Buggs told me he couldput me in touch with a couple here in Annapolis who might be able tohelp me regain the degree of faith I once enjoyed. While Annapolis isnot a huge city, it’s not very small, either. The couple he put me intouch with – Andy & Sheila Buist – live less than 2 miles from me.
..Sheila and I were discussing the importance of reading the Bible. I told her I was having difficulty doing that, probably because I foundthe language in the KJV a little archaic, and that was all I had at thetime. Three days later in a class in Ellicott City, the group broke forlunch (which we NEVER do), and walked across the highway for somethingto eat. This was the first day in seven it had not rained. On our wayback, the teacher spied a book in the ground, bent over and picked itup. Smiling, he handed it to me and said “Here. This *must* be foryou.” It was a (NIV) Ryrie Study Bible…soaking wet, but otherwiselooked brand new. Three days later it was dry and in perfect workingorder.
..Buggs and the Buists started telling me about the CBMC confereneat Sandy Cove. As it turned out, I had already put in for that exactweek off, but had no plans at that point.
There are other “coincidences” too numerable to mention. SinceMarch, my faith and relationship with our Lord has grown and blossomedlike flowers in springtime. Praise the Lord, my entire life haschanged! I’ve gone from worrying about scoring drugs to getting up at5:30 in the morning so I can read the Bible and pray before I have togo to work! My concerns aren’t with “fitting in with the crowd” or”trying to escape reality, ” but with making sure I live a life thatwill give tribute to our Father.
No, it’s not all peaches and cream. It’s not all roses. There arestill concerns, worries and troubles. Trying to figure out if I reallybelong in the Catholic Church is a pressing question for me right now. Trying my best to help others and perhaps bring another person to thepoint I enjoy now weighs heavily. Being a witness is very important.It’s not easy. But it’s a real, honest, joy!!
And the future will no doubt be filled with more problems and morequestions. After all, we *all* are engaged in that spiritual warfare.And with renewed faith comes a battle which is even more heated thanbefore. But the joy is in knowing Christ is with me, and with us all. And that through Him, all things can be accomplished. As I look backat the last 14 years of my life, I know He was by my side all the way. I certainly could not have lived through that without Him.
Sue Donaldson.- – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
My wife Ann and I are very proud to call Sue Donaldson our friend.Although we are mentioned above, we had nothing to do with how the Lordhas worked in the life of Sue Donaldson and how He will continue towork in her life as she continue to let go and let God.
..Buggs Bugnon