Testing the True Christian

Introduction:
The following article is written by a man who is a witch (one aided by the devil). He has observed christians and has concluded that there are both 'true' and 'false' christians. He proposes a series of "tests" that will help the unbeliever determine whether any christian is a "True Christian" or not.

Preface:
The word "test" has three applications that should be of interest here: First, men are known to "test" other men (1 Kings 10:1 ...she [Sheba] came to test him [Solomon] with hard questions.), and spirits (1 John 4:1 ...but test the spirits to see whether they are of God...).

Second, God tests mankind (Deuteronomy 13:3 ...for the Lord your God is testing you, to know whether you love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul.) Note here, that God tests men with an intent to persuade them to turn to Himself - to bring them good.

The third application of the word "test" is actually conducted with evil intent. Many people would agree that Satan 'tested' Jesus in the wilderness. In fact, Satan tempted Jesus. To tempt is "to put to the test in a venturesome way" - to bring evil. (Psalms 78:18 They test God in their heart... and 78:56 Yet they tested and rebelled against the Most High God... and Matthew 4:7 ...'You shall not tempt the Lord your God.')

Now, with reference to "TEST THOSE CHRISTIANS", the idea of testing God's people is not new. The book of Job in the Bible tells the story of God allowing Satan to test (from God's purpose, with good intent - but from Satan's purpose, with evil intent) his servant Job:

Job 1:8 And the Lord said to Satan, "Have you considered my servant Job, that there is none like him on the earth, a blameless and upright man, who fears God and turns away from evil?"

In this case, God was aware that Job was strongly devoted to Him, and was willing to allow Satan to learn this as well. In comparison, there is the story of Jesus' temptation in the desert for 40 days and nights:

Matthew 4:1 Then Jesus was led up by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil.

After studying this passage, the reader could easily conclude that Satan was trying to find the weak point in Jesus so that he could destroy His ministry. This is evidence that "Satan comes to steal, kill, and destroy."

Recognize that anyone who serves Satan (witches, warlocks, etc.) will attempt to destroy the christian who serves God. Satan is directly opposed to God. Where God seeks to bring peace and healing, Satan seeks to bring dissension and hurt.

What do you stand for? Who do you serve? Will you take a stand and determine to serve God?
TEST THOSE CHRISTIANS:
A Non-believer's Guide For Testing The True Christian.

The Event

There I was busily working at my desk when the interruption
occurred. "Hi, are you Ammond?" "Yeah," I replied. "What can I do
for you?" "I'm Hezikah Brown, and I'd like a couple minutes of your
time." Being the nice guy that I am I agreed to a few minutes. It
seems Hezikah is a Born Again1 Christian with a mission from God2.
He told me how he believed that Jesus was his personal Lord and
Savior, how his life had been changed for the better, how he spoke
in tongues and that he heard I was a witch. "The rumor in the
office is that you're a witch." "It's true," I answered. "How can
that be," he retorted. "Don't you know that witches are going to
hell3." And off we went...

The Question

So what is a non-believer to do today with all these seemingly
dizzy4 people claiming to be Christians. It seems you meet these
people everywhere. You just can't get away from them5. They are in
the office, swinging through the restaurant, on your computer
network, cruising the beach and parading in that crowded john. Just
when you get home for a private, intimate interlude with your lover6
comes the event stopping knock-knock of the True Christian. What
the hell7 is a normal sane person to do? Go crazy, scream, defecate
nude on the floor while in full view of the True Christian? No. We
test them. As I presume that like me you are a non-believer too we
can have a little fun.

Jesus says "Beware of false prophets, who come to you in
sheep's clothing, but inwardly are ravening wolves."8 Matt 7:15

and 9"Then if any man shall say to you Lo, here is the Christ,
or, Here, believe it not. For there shall arise false Christs and
false prophets and shall show great signs and wonders, so as to
lead astray, if possible, even the very elect." Matt. 24:23-24

John says "Beloved, believe not every spirit, but prove the
spirits, whether they are of God: because many false prophets are
gone out into the world." 1st John 4:1

There are many different types of Christian you know10. And they
all claim to be True Christians. How is the non-believer to know
which is which? After all we want the real thing, a True Christian,
not a demon from hell disguised as an angel of light. No Jim
Bakkers or Jimmy Swaggarts will do11. We want a real fool for Christ.
How do we tell the True Christian from the disguised demon? The
real fool from the money grabbers? We can do that with a little
help. And this help comes from a very unexpected source. You see
these Christian critters have a role model they follow. And they
can't deviate from the model too much and hope to get to the
heavenly entertainment park. Jesus, their role model has stated...

"Therefore by their fruits shall you know them. Not everyone
who says to me Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven.
Many will say to me in that day Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy by
your name and by your name cast out demons, and by your name do
many mighty works? And I will profess to them, I never knew you. Go
away from me you who work evil." Matt 7:22-23

So you can see that not every person who claims to be
Christian will make it to that starry, wonder filled entertainment
park they call heaven12. True Christians tell me that only 10 percent
of those who claim to be True Christians are Christians at all.
There's just a little rivalry. It seems they are all in competition
with each other for that last 144,000 condos-in-paradise13. Now God
knows how much real estate He has and how much it costs.
Overpopulation being what it is today He has to oust some.
Otherwise garbage over runs the golden streets, airborne pollution
covers the crystal walls and the sewers back up. Yech!14

As our volunteer testee saunters up visually apprise them. Do
they look serious? Are their clothes nice? Do they look like they
own property? Good. We're ready to start, but don't rush. We don't
want the testee to suspect our motives.

Much of the Christian religion is emotional15. As the
conversation starts let the testee know just where you stand. You
don't want to be duped. You want to talk to a true Christian. None
other than a true Christian will do.

Ask our testee if they are a Christian? Are they a True
Christian? Do they love Jesus? Is Jesus their Personal Lord and
Savior? Yes? Good. Ask them how much they love Jesus, God and the
Holy Spirit. Are they Spirit filled? Do they display any of the
fruits, love, joy, peace, happiness, etc. of the Spirit as
described in Gal. 5:22-23?

Next we have to verify that they believe in the Bible. Without
this we won't have any fun. Ask our volunteer if they believe in
the Bible. Do they believe that it is the Word of God? Is it
infallible? Is the Bible as appropriate for today as it was two
thousand years ago? If the answer is yes, even if not infallible,
fun is to be had in short order.

The Money Test

Here's how we start... Our trick is to confront the testee
with moral absolutes and performance tests. Here is the first
performance test that we can enjoy.

"Give to everyone that asketh thee; and from him that taketh
away thy goods ask not again." Luke 6:30

"Give to him that asketh thee, and from him that would borrow
of thee turn not thou away." Matt. 5:42

Luke 6:35 sums it all up...

"But love your enemies, and do them good, and lend never
despairing; and your reward shall be great, and ye shall be Sons of
the Most High: for he is kind toward the unthankful and evil."

True Christians are so fond of moral absolutes that I think we
should give them every opportunity to experience those absolutes as
real, upfront and personal events. In your next testing session,
when you hear the True Christian extolling the Rock of Moral
Absolutes upon which they stand, go for the cash. It has a nice
sobering effect that should in the long run benefit the True
Christian.

Ask for their money, all of it. Just ask for their wallet.
Have them show it to you. Any money inside? Good. Ask for it. You
don't want their credit cards. That would be a crime. If there's no
money, ask for an article of clothing. Coats and cloaks are good.
How about car keys? Do they have a big cross with them? Ask for it16.

When they refuse have them reread the previous verses, then
ask again. Should they still refuse call them a fraud, for that's
exactly what they are. Just like Jesus send them away into
darkness. They aren't a True Christian.

Now should they give you everything in their wallet, the cloak
on their back and the cross too, we get to have more fun...

The Swill Test

Next we proceed with more subjective questions. One of their
obsessive traits is to compare their past performance with the
actions of those in the Bible. How is their walk with their Lord?
Do they follow Jesus closely? Do they want to follow more closely?
Yes? Good. Now we start with the serious tests.

In Matthew 10:18 Jesus sends out his True Disciples with the
commandments to "heal the sick, cleanse the lepers, raise the dead
and cast out devils." Take a skeptical attitude about their status
as a True Christian. Again let them know that you want only the
real thing. No substitutes will be allowed.

"And these signs shall accompany them that believe: in my name
they shall cast out demons, they shall speak with new tongues. They
shall take up serpents and if they drink any deadly thing, it shall
in no wise hurt them; they shall lay their hands on the sick, and
they shall recover." Mark 16:17-18

On this you gotta' be a little careful not to let the cat out
of the bag. Ask your friend if they have cast out demons. Do they
speak with tongues? Have they laid their hands on sick persons who
were healed?17

If so take a bottle from storage prepared especially for the
test. It should be filled with (non)toxic, pukey looking stuff that
smells to high heaven. Urine and excrement should do. Cap the
bottle tightly while in storage. And for heavens sake wrap it in
something to hide the mess from sight. In the Bible read Mark
16:17-18 which says that True Christians can pick up serpents and
drink harmful things without suffering. Ask our unsuspecting testee
to chug the whole bottle. If they object saying "thou shalt not
test God" respond by saying that you are testing them18, not God. God
is not around to be tested anyway19. If they don't chug-the-jug you
can safely assume they are not a True Christian, only a fraud. Send
them away.

A note of warning... Be sure to inform the True Christian the
drink is toxic. Let them pick up the bottle for themselves. If they
drink the potion they take the test of their own free will.

Now some might protest that the last part of Mark is a 'late
addition' not found in the earlier texts. Perhaps they have
confessed to you previously that the Bible is the word of God and
is infallible20. What happened?21 Didn't they believe the Bible? Tell
them they aren't a True Christian; they are frauds. Send them home
with their tails between their legs.

Conclusion

As we can readily see it's not healthy to be a True Christian22.
A True Christian is equivalent to being a Bibliolater--one who
worships the Bible23. Now being a Christian is ok. But being a
Bibliolater is a form of mental illness. And it's great fun to let
the Bibliolater know of their problem when they interrupt your day.

I have about ten other performance tests but the
aforementioned are the most exciting. Please feel free to
experiment with Jesus' moral absolutes and performance tests. You
may find some that are just a much fun as these.

Permission is given to reproduce or retransmit this article
providing the article is complete, and with the author's name and
copyright notice fully intact.

Closing Remarks:
When I first read the original 'Test Those Christians' I was challenged by the strength of the author's arguments, but also concerned for those who might read them. There is a tendency to think that salvation can come through works (what you do to please God). Nothing could be further from the truth.

There is only one step to becoming a christian - ASK with a repentant heart. That's it! Here's an example from Luke 23:39-43:

'One of the criminals who were hanged railed at him, saying, 'Are you not the Christ? Save yourself and us!' But the other rebuked him, saying, 'Do you not fear God, since you are under the same sentence of condemnation? And we indeed justly; for we are receiving the due reward of our deeds; but this man has done nothing wrong.' And he said, 'Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom.' And he said to him, 'Truly, I say to you, today you will be with me in Paradise.'

I hope the footnotes I have inserted will provide proper insight to deal with the questions that come to mind. If not, please call me at The Association BBS, 313-695-6744 and leave me e-mail.

What does christianity have to offer, anyway?
Peace: I know I have put my future in the hands of someone I can trust - God.
Hope : God has given me a purpose for life - to tell others what he's done for me.
Joy : The weight of my sins is gone. I'm forgiven and at rest inside - no turmoil.
Companionship: I can turn to God any time I need help.
Acceptance : God takes me as I am.
Responsibility: I'm trusted to carry on with Jesus' work.
Love: From the kind of God who gave up everything to rescue me from what I was, and is caring enough to help me be someone much better

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Have a VERY MERRY Christmas!

Glen Stewart, Dec. 22, 1991