If I see aright, the cross of popular evangelicalism is not the cross of the New Testament. It is, rather, a new bright ornament upon the bosom of a self-assured and carnal Christianity. The old cross slew men, the new cross entertains them. The old cross condemned; the new cross amuses. The old cross destroyed confidence in the flesh; the new cross encourages it.
A.W. Tozer

The Homosexual Condision

The Homosexual Condision

THE HOMOSEXUAL CONDITION Most people think of homosexuality simply in terms of the sexual act. This includes Christians as well. Reaction will, therefore, range from a lack of understanding to often repulsion. Debate on the issue of homosexuality has traditionally focussed therefore on whether homosexual acts were legitimate or not. In our society, the underlying structure once provided moral guide-lines which would not even entertain the idea of this expression of sexuality; has now moved into a more subjective approach if “if you `love’ the other person it is alright”. This has provided the climate whereby homosexuality, although still not readily understood, has become more acceptable as a life-style. In recent times however, this approach has been subjected to question with the onslaught of AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases.
Traditional Christian thought has drawn a clear distinction between homosexual orientation and its expression in homosexual activity. Whilst this has been a useful and significant distinction, it has still been used with the objective of defining what can and can’t be done, whilst avoiding the real issue and providing a more positive approach. The real question which we should be asking is: … “What Is The Type Of Personality Structure That Underlies The Possibility Of Homosexual Behaviour?”
The latest scientific research has clearly established that a homosexual orientation does not depend on a genetic predisposition or on a hormonal imbalance. However, many claim to be `born gay’ and are quite genuine in their convictions. The question quite rightly posed is: “Why the apparent contradiction?” Upon closer examination, what is really being said is, that as long as they can remember they have been `that way’, that from earliest memory there was something `different’ about them. I propose that, whilst there is a multiplicity of factors involved in the causation of homosexual orientation, the real roots lie in the difficulties experienced in the parent-child relationship, particularly in the early years of life.
The homosexual – whether man or woman – has suffered from some deficit in the relationship with the parent of the same sex; and that there is a corresponding drive to make good this deficit – through the medium of samesex, or homosexual relationships.
To place this concept within a Biblical perspective, we need to examine God’s intention and purpose with regards to the family. Historically, until about 180 years ago, the family unit was much larger than exists today. Then it consisted of Grandparents, all their male offspring with their spouses and perhaps some single female offspring, and all the grandchildren all living together as one family. Then came the Industrial Revolution, and with it came into existence what is known as the Nuclear Family of Father, Mother, and Children. Then in the 1970’s came the Sexual Revolution and with it has come into prominence the Single-parent Family. Certainly, what has been happening has been a breaking down of the family structure. Yet it is this structure which God has purposed in which children are to be raised. The Bible clearly outlines an authority structure which places responsibility for the children with the parents. The way a child perceives his parents, with the consequent bonding and relationship that is established is critical to the way that child in later life as an adult, perceives God and establishes a relationship with Him. Within that family structure, any lack in relationship between the child and the parent of the same sex does not always imply wilful maltreatment by the parent in question. Hurt experienced in it’s relationship with the parent can often be quite unintentional or accidental. However, in each situation, something of a traumatic nature, whether ill-treatment, neglect, or sheer absence, has in these particular cases led to a disruption in the normal attachment.

This in turn implies that certain drives/needs that are normally met through the child’s relationship to the parent are left unfulfilled and still require fulfilment.
It is important that no parent of a homosexual should necessarily blame himself or herself on account of this disruption of the relationship. Allocation of responsibility can be particularly complex. Sometimes there will be direct culpability, i.e. a father makes little time for his son, or belittles him or ill-treats him. A divorce may damage a child’s relational capacity without the parents wanting this to happen – although the parents must accept some responsibility, as any hurt experienced by the child is a consequence of their actions. However, sometimes separation from the child may occur for good reasons i.e. employment, prolonged illness, or hospitalization.
Causation Of Homosexuality
Any incident that happens to place a particular strain on the relationship between the child and the parent of the same sex is potentially causative. At the same time, the effect may not always be actualized. A child may genuinely get over a hurtful situation. Or alternatively, other damage may result rather than a disruption in the child’s relationship to the same sex parent.
Whatever the particular incident may be, it is something that has been experienced as being hurtful by the child. Difficulties arise when such hurt is accompanied by an unwillingness to relate any longer to the lovesource that has been experienced as being hurtful. This implies then, a continuing defect in the child’s relationship with that parent, and subsequent behaviour by that parent will be completely irrelevant. Even if love is offered, it cannot be received. It must be emphasized that this relational defect may not be evident at the conscious level, an adjustment may be made leaving few or no signs of disturbance. This is why family relationships in families of homosexuals seem good; indeed at the surface level they are. Homosexuality is not an independent entity or condition caused by difficulties in the parent-child relationship. Rather, the homosexual condition itself a deficit in the child’s ability to relate to the parent of the same sex, which is then carried over to members of the same sex in general.
God has placed within each one of us needs for love, affirmation, security and identity. They are placed there in us so that ultimately we are drawn into a personal relationship with God, Who is the original source for all these things. They are intended to be met within the family. Indeed, in the very early years of it’s life, a child’s only concept of God is it’s parents. Only as it grows older is it able to look further than the natural realm to have some idea of God. However, if these needs / drives are abnormally left unmet, the fact is that they still need to be fulfilled. Then, as the child grows into an adult, it will begin to look to other sources in order to have these needs / drives met and this will involve a rejection of God and His provision, as well as a rejection of it’s parents, in particular, the parent of the same sex. These `other sources’ can be as simple as a preoccupation with certain interests or hobbies, or a career; or more extreme such as drugs, alcohol, criminal activities, or sexual relationships. This can include homosexual behaviour.
Needs for love and dependency on, and identification with the parent of the same sex are met through the child’s relationship to the parent. If the relationship is disrupted, the needs that are normally met through the medium of such a relationship remain unmet. This has two consequences: 1. A resistance to restoration of that relationship which is then generalized to all members of the same sex. This is what marks the abiding effect in the person’s actual relational capacity, that long outlasts the initial occasion of the hurtful event.
2. A corresponding drive towards restoration of the relationship. It is this that is involved in the homosexual impulse, that is that this impulse is essentially motivated by the need to make good earlier deficits in the child’s relationship; i.e., the unmet needs of love and identification which the person was unable to receive, whether it was offered for not. The Healing Process
The healing process involves …
1. Undoing the root cause(s) of the disruption in the parent / child relationship which were experienced as being hurtful. 2. Meeting the unmet love needs from the parent / child relationship, i.e., restoration of missing growth.
Areas Of Ministry

  1. Authority problems Outworkings include defiance, hatred, and competitiveness. The Male Homosexual A resistance to restoring of relationship from the parent of the same sex will be marked by hostility – either hidden or plainly obvious, towards the same-sex love source which will then be generalized towards all other members of the same sex i.e., male. Such other persons would include authority figures as obvious father substitutes, and also homosexual partners. This will happen, particularly in cases where the father had actually been hostile towards his son i.e., physical or verbal abuse. However, this is not necessarily always the case – if a father is apathetic or indifferent towards his son, this is seen as being hurtful and naturally anger is experienced. All figures of authority (including homosexual partners) will invariably be identified with the father who has been hated and feared. This is the underlying cause for many male homosexual relationships being so unstable. When the needs for love, security, and identity, which for so long have been essentially unmet, and are now being partially met, will also be marked by the emergence of the underlying hostility felt towards the father, which is then transferred to the homosexual partner. In many situations where the homosexual condition is simply marked in the person’s relational capacity, authority figures can include civil authorities, i.e., police, and can be the underlying reason for criminal behaviour in some instances. Authority figures can also include Pastors, which can be at the root of some divisive behaviour within the Church. The Female Homosexual Whilst the female homosexual can experience hostility towards her mother, which is then carried over to all females, this is not nearly as marked as it is with the male homosexual. This is because, in our society, the male is seen to have the authority and holds positions of power. Within our society this has a twofold effect … a. Another woman is not generally seen to be an authority threat b. Men are seen as being a threat With regards to the female homosexual, her problems concern relationships with the same sex. There has been no problem in establishing relationships with the opposite sex. However, due to the imbalance in her relational capacity bonding with the opposite sex, is seen as being oppressive in the absence of a compensating relationship with the same sex. This is probably at the root of the whole feminist movement. It is interesting to note, not all feminists are lesbian, yet the same authority problem is experienced. Same sex authority problems – Directly require resolutions of the same sex relationship. Opposite sex authority problems – Require no change in the opposite sex relationship as such, but only a restoration of the complimentary relationship that has been missing. 2. Identity An identity is the end product of a process of identification. Relating to a parent of the same sex is important in this process. Any disruption in this relationship will, in turn, affect the identification process. The blocking of the capacity to receive love implies the blocking of the ability to identify with the love source i.e., the parent. Aversion to the parent of the same sex implies an aversion to identifying with that parent – i.e., a dis-identification from that parent of the same sex. This then becomes a dis-identification – an aversion to identifying with the same sex. An extreme form of this is transexualism. There is little difference between homosexuality and transexualism. There may be some difference in degree, but none in the nature of the problem. In both instances the normal process of receiving love from, and hence identifying with the parent of the same sex, has been blocked by hurt, usually in the early years of childhood. The difference between the two conditions lies in the subjective awareness of the fact of dis-identification. Only in certain instances do we find a specific awareness of not being psychologically a member of one’s own anatomic sex, which is a sufficiently strong sense of aversion to lead to the demand for reclassification from one’s anatomic sex. It is logical for a person who experiences a sense of gender dislocation to press for reassignment in accordance with this sense of self-awareness. It would be wrong to regard this as imaginary or illusory. Rather it marks an accurate and realistic representation of how that person feels, However, where there is no specific awareness, this is usually expressed in effeminacy in the male homosexual and quasi-masculinity in the female homosexual. The important point to note is that, this isn’t an identification with the opposite sex, but rather a dis-identification (or rejection of identity) from the same sex. The Male Homosexual Where there is a lack in a sense of identity, according to the homosexual condition, there must be a corresponding drive to make good this need. As male homosexual relationships’ most prominent feature is in the area of sexual expression, so the underlying motivation is within the area of a search for identity or completion of identity. The male homosexual’s longing for masculine love is, in fact, a desire to attain masculinity – to resolve and complete the identification process with the parent of the same sex that had been blocked in a greater or lesser degree. The Homosexual believes that he may absorb strength through contact with a man of strength and thus, through contact with masculine men, become masculine himself. It is important to note that, simply because a man has a desire to have sex with another man, does not imply an inability to establish a sexual relationship with the opposite sex. It must also be noted that, once sexual expression is seen as a process by which this need for identity is fulfilled, it becomes a habit. Therefore, whenever the man experiences insecurity, pressures of work, or pressures of family life, he may only be able to see a sexual relationship with another man as a form of coping and getting through those situations. The Female Homosexual As with the male homosexual, so the female experiences a corresponding drive towards completing her femininity. However, sexual relationships receive less prominence as a means toward achieving this goal. Identity needs are attempted to be fulfilled by other means; i.e., emotionally dependent relationships. 3. Dependency needs Childishness in the psychological make-up of the homosexual is another feature that deserves comment. If a normal channel of attachment has remained blocked since childhood, the person is in certain respects, a psychological child; i.e., there is incomplete growth within certain areas of their personality structure. If someone behaves like a child, might this not imply that they still have the actual needs of a child of that age and that something has occurred at that particular age to prevent further maturation? Two characteristics … a. Dependency needs are childish in that they relate to actual deprivation in childhood. b. Are only likely to become apparent within the context of a really deep renewed relationship which is seen to be fulfilling those needs of love, security, identity, and affirmation. Two main features of childishness are … i. Possessiveness – this marks the urgent desire to retain the restored relationship – a relationship that is so much needed in that these needs have for so long remained unfulfilled. ii. Jealousy – stems from the fear of renewed loss or deprivation of those needs. Jealousy is likely to involve hostility towards the love source, and thus may link itself with that of the same sex-parent. The hatred that may sometimes re-emerge in the dis-identified person indicates how great a hurt was experienced within their childhood. 4. Inferiority Not all feelings of inferiority are the product of dis-identification, but where dis-identification has occurred there is a marked sense of inferiority, whether fully conscious or not, the sense of personal worth which the child normally receives from it’s parent’s love, cannot be received if the child’s capacity for the relationship with that parent has been damaged and they have cut themselves off from that parent. Whether or not love is offered, it can no longer be received. If love cannot be received, then neither can a sense of self-worth. 5. Depression Consequently, a sense of loss exists with the child cutting itself off from the parent of the same sex, and therefore not having those needs for love, security, identity, and affirmation met, may manifest itself in a state of depression. This is a quite frequent occurrence within the homosexual scene. Suicidal thoughts or attempts may occur. Some statistics estimate that as many as one in four homosexual women and one in ten homosexual men may attempt suicide. Since the loss is one of relationship as an adult, the restoration of a relationship with another person which is seen to be fulfilling these needs, may result in the lifting of the depression, and conversely the healing up of the relationship – which implies the renewal of the loss – may result in depression of a greater magnitude or some other manifestation in response to the loss. …by Nick Kuiper For further information about homosexuality or about other areas of sexual brokenness, please contact: LOVE IN ACTION G.P.O. Box 1115 ADELAIDE SA 5001 Phone (08) 371-0446