We are so accustomed to equating holiness with purity or ethical perfection that we look for the idea when the word holy appears. When things are made holy, when they are consecrated, they are set apart unto purity. They are to be used in a pure way. They are to reflect purity as well as simple apartness. Purity is not excluded from the idea of the holy; it is contained within it. But the point we must remember is that the idea of the holy is never exhausted by the idea of purity. It includes purity but is much more than that. It is purity and transcendence. It is transcendent purity.
R.C. Sproul

Through the Valley of the Shadow

Through the Valley of the Shadow Through the Valley of the Shadow

By Mark Perry

If it’s time for me to go, I’m happy with that. I know I’m ready.God has shown me that something far better is waiting for me…

Mark Perry knows what it is like to look death in the face-andtriumph. In the fall of 1984, a mysterious growth occurred on theback of his neck. Finally, a biopsy from another growth on his armrevealed the devastating news: he was diagnosed with AIDS. The datewas March 8, 1985. Mark had been out of the homosexual lifestyle foralmost four years and was married to a beautiful Christian woman. Hewas given six months to live. Recently, he shared his story with LIAstaff member Bob Davies.

LIA: Mark, how did you get into the gaylifestyle?

MP: Back in 1972, I was in college, and engagedto be married. I took a psychology course called, “HomosexualPerspectives.” I found the whole issue really intriguing; somethingwas tugging me in that direction. Eventually, my relationship with myfiance broke up, and I ended up in a sexual relationship with anotherman for three years during my college days.

LIA: What happened after you graduated?

MP: I started my own architecture business inPortland, and the relationship ended. I became blatantly gay-I didn’ttry to hide it. The doors opened for me to move to San Francisco, soI came here and started over. I was introduced to the homosexualcommunity, and I plunged in. But as I got more involved, I feltpulled into a downward spiral that I couldn’t get out of.

LIA: So you weren’t happy during this time?

MP: I tried to be successful and happy, butnothing satisfied. I smoked dope, used cocaine occasionally, droppedacid – the whole trip. I got involved in relationships with manypeople from every aspect of the gay community. Fortunately, I wasprotected from any bad experiences. I know the Lord’s hand was on methe entire time. But it got to the point where it was just one personafter the next. I thought, This is getting ridiculous. There’s got tomore to life than this.

LIA: What events brought you to the Lord?

MP: I started looking into mysticism and otherspiritual things. But I could see that they were not the truth. Onenight at home, my eyes fell on an old Bible that belonged to mymother. I had never noticed it before. I picked it up and startedreading. The passage dealt with something I was experiencing thatvery day. I thought, This is spooky. There’s something here.

I promised myself that I would read the Bible until I gotsomething out of it. I started isolating myself from old friendships.The Lord spoke to me, “Clean up your act.” I went through a cleansingprocess of burning my dope, my pornography and other things. As I gotrid of them, there was a wonderful release inside. I knew I was doingthe right thing. This all happened over a period of about six months.

LIA: Were you a Christian at this point?

MP: Not yet. But I went to my brother’s house forChristmas, 1980. He and his wife are Christians and there was aspecial atmosphere in their home I couldn’t quite put my finger on.Then we started talking about Jesus, and I ended up accepting theLord that same day.

They called up some friends, and asked about a good church I couldgo to. When I walked in the next Sunday, I immediately felt right athome. I prayed that God would bring others I could relate to and thatvery Sunday, I met an artist who had come out of homosexuality.

LIA: Did you ever think you’d be married?

MP: Not at all-I was happy being a eunuch for theLord! Then I attended a conference for Christian artists. I met awoman named Shireen and we talked for a few minutes. She told meabout some of her artistic endeavors, and we got together for lunchabout a week later. But I was just being polite-I wasn’t interestedin a relationship at all. I thought, She’s such a nice gal. We’lljust be friends.

Shireen and I kept getting together, and one thing led to another.One night, I was looking at her and saw this angelic-like aura abouther. I thought, Wow, what is this? I began looking at her differentlythan I had before. I’d known her about six months at this point, so Iwas very cautious about the whole thing.

LIA: How long had you been out of homosexuality?

MP: About two years when we first met. Back then,the incubation period for AIDS was thought to be three years, but Ireally didn’t suspect that I may have the virus. After about a year,we started talking about marriage and got counseling through ourchurch. Shireen said she knew right from the beginning that she wouldmarry me. Our wedding was a really neat experience. That wasSeptember 1, 1984.

LIA: What were the first symptoms that somethingwas wrong?

MP: My architecture business was expanding. Ihired two other Christians, and God gave me the name for the company:”Masterplan.” We were rolling right along and I really enjoyed it.Then I started feeling depressed, which was unusual for me. I alsobegan feeling tired and one day in December, I noticed a spot on myside. I didn’t think much about it, but decided to go in for aphysical.

When I called in March to check the test results, they told me,”We want you to come in and get a biopsy on that spot.” In themeantime, another spot appeared on my arm. So I went back for furthertests.

LIA: Can you see how the Lord prepared you forthe results?

MP: Definitely. Something I’d been reading theday before in the Bible really touched my heart, a passage aboutrelying on the Lord, trusting in Him, something about illness andhealth. When I got the diagnosis, I was totally blown away. I hadKaposi’s sarcoma, a form of skin cancer. They told me I had sixmonths to live. I thought, How can this doctor tell me that? Hedoesn’t know what my God has in store for me.

My wife and I went home and cried a lot. We wondered how we weregoing to tell our families and friends at church. As time went on, wewere able to share with our closest friends, including our pastor. InSeptember, I got up in an evening service and told the wholecongregation what was happening. I told them of my fears ofrejection, my doubts and questions: “Why is this happening to me?”The response was wonderful. We have some real prayer warriors, andthey went to work. As a whole, the church has been very supportive.

LIA: What other adjustments were necessary?

MP: I switched over to natural foods, and avoidedsugar, coffee and all the things which are such a part of social lifetoday. In fact, even the smell of sugar began making me sick, so Icouldn’t even be around it. Shireen and I felt increasingly isolated.Then I had to start letting go of my business, which was painful. Irealized a lot of my self-worth was wrapped up in my work. Now we’redown to one income, but we’ve seen the Lord provide for all our needsin some incredible ways.

LIA: How have others helped you through the hardtimes?

MP: One example was the last time I came out ofthe hospital for pneumacystis pneumonia. I was so disappointed withGod, so angry and hurt that He had allowed it. I was ready to giveup; I’d never been that far down. I confessed all this to a friend onthe phone, and she said, “Mark, it’s OK to be angry with God.”

My wife walked in, and I was weeping. I loved the Lord dearly, butI felt so let down by Him. Shireen came over and started praying,”God, please give Mark some point of encouragement.” I was so sickand nauseated that I was thinking, God, just take me home. Dosomething, I can’t stand it any longer.

Well, about an hour later, He lifted the depression, thenausea-everything. It was so dramatic that I couldn’t believe it. Iwas so excited that I couldn’t sleep all night. God really revealedHimself to me.

LIA: Are you afraid, Mark?

MP: I think anyone in my position has to dealwith some fear. But God’s Word says, “Perfect love casts out allfear,” and that’s what I have to focus on. What has God promised?What can I really stand on? I know it must sound strange, but I’mreally happy. I’m doing better in the Lord than ever. OtherChristians have told me they think I’m going to be healed, and Godhas spoken to me through my own times in the Word.

But I’m just taking it one day at a time. God has shown me whattrue values are. His priorities are different from the ways of theworld. If it’s time for me to go, I’m happy with that. I know I’mready. God has shown me that something far better is waiting for me,far superior than what I’m struggling with down here. He helps mehave the right perspective. I’m surrendered to His timing, not myown.

Copyright (C) 1985 by Bob Davies. Distributed by Love InAction, PO BOX 753307, Memphis, TN 38175-3307; 901/542-0250

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