Transference Of Responsibility
TRANSFERENCE OF RESPONSIBILITY
Kevin, a member of a Metanoia support group, was seen by Dan, another group member, at the Brass Connection, a gay bar. In the group Kevin admits to having “a difficult week.” Slowly, details emerge. Change is difficult; he’s tried hard; no one cares, and suddenly he is back on Capital Hill — looking for something to do. “I just went in for a beer,” he protests.
The group agrees — change is difficult. No one really understands — or cares what we’re going through. Slowly, despair, and self-pity set into the whole group. Stories of failure begin to abound at group meetings. One by one, members drop out, others pick up a new partner — from the very group that is supposed to help people find a way out of homosexuality. What’s going wrong?
Answering this question calls for self-examination. Where are the Metanoia counsellors failing in their responsibilities to their clients? As the director of Metanoia, I am constantly examining our programme and counselling philosophy. Is it consistent with God’s proclamation of hope and healing? Are we using the best counselling models available to us? Do we continue to improve our skills? Upon reflection, I have a clear conscience that the staff is doing the best job possible and that we are consistently working at improving our skills. We do care, and we are consistent in expressing that personally and corporately.
Still something is not quite right. I believe the problem is two-fold and the solution lies with the client:
1, there is a failure to implement the tools available. 2, clients are engaging in a transference of responsibility.
Too often, they want the hard work to be done by others.
Besides being given the opportunity for the expression of emotion and identification of behaviour patterns, the client is given many tools and resources ranging from educational helps to support groups and seminars. Within each of these categories, the client is given several practical steps to implement these tools.
In counselling, feelings are uncovered and motivational dynamics are explored. Techniques are taught to identify and disrupt former destructive behaviour and thought patterns. Frequently, clients say, “I had a bad week, I fell.” They almost appear shocked when asked, “How did the event take place? What led up to it?” Possibly this is the question the counsellor may ask — but seldom does it appear to be a question that the client has taught himself to ask. The client should be asking himself regularly, “What can I do about my life — as I am living it?”
In support group meetings the same dynamics occur. Each week the step is taught; frequently with the challenge to do something during the week: “I learned, I came to believe, I praised, I made my fearless inventory, I confessed, I made direct amends, I lived, I matured, I sought, I carried.” Yet when asked, “How do you do a step?” — the response is often a blank stare! Attending the support group is not the answer to freedom from homosexuality; implementing the program is!
Besides support groups and counselling, Metanoia offers many educational resources — books, a newsletter, seminars, etc. How often are these used by our clients? Used to discover what is going on? For some, Nexus (the newsletter) is the only support they have. They often write back saying, “I use the articles as a devotional daily! I live my life by them!” Praise God! That’s why they were written and published!
This leads to the second issue which arises out of our culture, the transference of responsibility. Doctors are responsible to provide the perfect, painless cure. If treatment is not 100% successful, then sue! Doctors practice medicine,however, because they don’t know exactly what will happen with any particular patient. Education only insures an educated guess.
Locally, a logging company is being held responsible for the death of a number of its loggers in the May, 1980 eruption of Mount St. Helens. Who was responsible for knowing exactly what the mountain would do? I do not deny that the logging company and doctors have responsibility. The issue is, they can only do so much and no more. A doctor’s responsibility ends when his patient does not follow through on his part. A doctor cannot prevent a heart attack when the patient refuses to practice good health techniques.
As a result of our society’s tendency to blame others, people tend to transfer responsibility to someone else. The doctor is responsible for physical health, the psychologist for emotional health and the pastor for spiritual health. This phenomena was known from the beginning of creation: Adam transferred his responsibility to Eve, who in turn passed it on to the serpent.
Transference of responsibility springs from bitterness. “I’m gay because my father didn’t love me,” some will say. But, Dr. Moberly has pointed out that the love deficit often resulted because the client built a defense mechanism, a defensive detachment, to protect himself from perceived, as well as actual, hurts from the same-sex love source. The client created the deficit by withdrawing from the relationship himself! His bitterness actually precipitated the break!
Freedom from homosexuality will not occur until one takes responsibility for what is happening in his life. Coming to counselling sessions, attending support group meetings, reading the newsletter, etc., will not free a person from homosexuality. Freedom only comes as the client takes the information learned and radically applies it to his life.
Many steps to owning responsibility and working it through are fairly straightforward and simple. Review the step card daily or whenever hit by temptation.
The steps out of homosexuality are designed to be used personally. Meetings are a time of encouragement, but if the teachings are not put to practice, they will do nothing to bring health or freedom from homosexuality. Those who have made the most significant gains are the ones who have applied the program in every way they could figure out. They have taken responsibility for their actions, for their life.
The Metanoia counsellors are not responsible for the success or failure of their clients. The counsellors are responsible to know their material, to be skilled people helpers, to encourage and prod along a client, and to facilitate their relationship to Christ. That is all.
The tools are available, but one has to take the responsibility of using them. Those who do, make significant gains in their process to health. Those who don’t, tear everyone down. Let’s resolve to take responsibility for our own healing process.
- Douglas A Houck
For further information about homosexuality or about other areas of sexual brokenness, please contact:
LOVE IN ACTION
G.P.O. Box 1115
ADELAIDE SA 5001
Phone (08) 371 0446
This article is reprinted by permission from
Metanoia Ministries
P O Box 33039
Seattle WA 98133-0039
U.S.A.