#17-4: The Simple Yet Mighty Gifts of Acceptance and Affirmation (Plus Road Trip 2014)
Posted by: virginiaknowles <virginiaknowles@...>
The Simple Yet Mighty Gifts of Acceptance & Affirmation
At age 50, as part of my year of Pilgrimage and Jubilee, I’m looking back at my meandering life path. I’m amazed at how many times that simple, subtle gift of acceptance and affirmation from another human being – whether close friend or random stranger – has created not just a ripple effect but a surge of change. Appreciation and admiration carry this even further.
I could share dozens of personal examples, but it would take too long for you to understand the context and the significance, and some of the stories are just too personal. I am brought to tears just thinking of one chain of events sent into massive domino effect by a single conversation. What moves me even more is to think that because of this, I dug deeper into my faith, took a hard look at my life trajectory, and found my voice just when I needed it most. That in turn had a powerful effect in the lives of even more people, some of whom I have never met. What will they do with that? Where will it go from there?
What about these little ideas with potentially big results? How many have blessed you when someone else did them? How many can you do this week, starting today?
- Write a thank you letter to someone whose acceptance and affirmation has made a difference to you.
- Say “I love you” and “I know you can do it” and “I’m proud of you” and “you are so special” often.
- Make eye contact, even if you are “too busy” at the moment.
- Hug your child every day and tell how much you love being their parent.
- Call your parents and siblings to say how much you appreciate all they have done for you.
- Display your child's art work in a prominent place.
- Pay for supplies, equipment, or class tuition for a family member to pursue building skills in an area where they show aptitude or talent. Your investment is a vote of confidence in their abilities. If you don’t know exactly what to buy, get a gift card to a store that specializes in that area.
- Share a web link in an area of interest, showing that you notice what makes them tick.
- Write a favorable on-line review for a product or service.
- Tell your spouse what you appreciate from the last day, like balancing the checkbook or fixing a favorite meal or even fixing any meal at all. The mundane daily things count, too!
- Compliment your child in the presence of others.
- Congratulate or compliment a friend or family member on even a small success.
- Have a celebration dinner for a special accomplishment.
- Ask for advice, which acknowledges their expertise.
- Jot a personal note to someone you know is discouraged telling how much you admire who they are and how they are handling their difficulties.
- Acknowledge, “You are right,” when it’s true, even and especially if it’s during a conflict.
- Ask “What do you mean by that? Help me understand what you are thinking.”
- Choose a thoughtful gift to say how special this person is to you – and not just for a special occasion.
- Leave a “secret admirer” surprise.
- Include someone outside of the usual “inner circle” in your group plans so they can get to know others better.
- Create a photo album (tangible or digital) of special moments you have shared.
- Speak a kind word to a hardworking store employee or a mom with toddlers in the checkout line.
- Write a list of things you admire about someone. A friend gave me a list of 50 on my 50th birthday – what an amazing gift!
- Slip an affirmation into a child’s or spouse’s lunch.
- Tape a note to the bathroom mirror or write it with dry erase markers.
- Write a personal reference for a student or employee.
- Smile and a wave across the room – because you’re happy to see them! Then walk over for a chat.
- Write a letter to your favorite author with an explanation of how their book has touched your life.
- Show your excitement about good news – even if you are jealous!
- Leave a positive comment on a blog post.
- Take a friend or family member to lunch to nurture your relationship – even if it is going on an inexpensive picnic.
- Make amends with someone you have offended, to let them know they are important to you and you want to rebuild the relationship.
Try these! You might never even know how many lives you affect.
As I wrote this, I noticed overlap from a broader list I wrote last week about strengthening and encouraging others: Follow the Way of Love.
You might also like this article by Sam Crabtree at Family Life: 20 Ideas for Encouraging Others.
Quiet in Our Own Land
“I gather you want to conquer the whole world,”
replied the philosopher. “What will you do when you have conquered all?”
“Why then,” said the king, “we will return and enjoy
ourselves in quiet in our own land.”
“So may you now,” said Cineas, “without all this ado.”
So goes the story about King Pyhrrus, as told in Awake
My Soul: Practical Spirituality for Busy People by Timothy Jones.
As history tells us, Pyhrrus won battles, but at a devastating price.
That's where we get the phrase "Pyhrric victory" - the
struggles that end up ruining the victor.
Just something to think about as we go about our
days. Why do we do what we do? Is it to conquer for the sake of
conquest -- to get more but enjoy less? Or is to live authentically with
a love of peace and beauty? There is a time to go out and fight against
injustice. I, too, find ways to make a global and local impact, not for
my own glory and gain, but for the sake of real peace and prosperity for real
people. As a writer, I live by the maxim, “The pen is mightier than the
sword.”
But then there is this family, this home, this quiet life that I
treasure. As they also say, “The hand that rocks the cradle rules the
world.” My kids aren’t babies anymore, but they still need me. I
still need to restore more calm and order to our chaotic little world. I still
need to delight in the joys of the simple life. I will take the quiet in
my own land.
"The fruit
of that
righteousness will
be peace;
its effect will
be quietness
and
confidence forever.
My people will
live in
peaceful dwelling
places,
in secure homes,
in undisturbed places of
rest."
Isaiah 32:17-18
~~~~~
OK, on to other recent posts, family news, and our road trip!
I've written two posts on Watch the Shepherd. The most recent, Psychological Socialism: Manipulating through Equalizing Blame, is on how guilty people try to wiggle out of responsibility for their actions. Follow the Way of Love has my thoughts on 1 Corinthians 13-14 about what authentic love is and is not. Since school let out, I've been working a lot on getting organized through the use of systems & strategies, decluttering, technology, home assignments, and tools. You can read and see it here: Order & Organization (What I Want & How I'm Doing It - Part 1)
My four youngest children and I are in Maryland now visiting my dad and my sister's family. This weekend, we'll all drive to northern Pennsylvania for a reunion with my late mother's extended family, as well as a memorial service for my grandparents. (They requested that we wait until both of them had passed away, and then schedule their memorial along with a summertime family reunion.)
In other news, my youngest grandson was
dedicated in a church service on Father's Day. You can see the pictures
here: Baby Dedication and Father's Day. We had even more
get-togethers the following weekend, including the monthly homeless outreach.
More here: Family, Friends,
and Community.
- Order & Organization (What
I Want & How I'm Doing It - Part 1) - Follow the Way of Love
- Psychological Socialism:
Manipulating through Equalizing Blame - Family, Friends, and Community
- Baby
Dedication and Father's Day - Santee State Park
- A Raleigh Good Time
- My Maryland Home Away from Home
- A Day in D.C. at Air & Space and American Indian
Museums
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