Quote from Forum Archives on April 16, 2007, 11:02 am

Posted by: bigguyhereagain <bigguyhereagain@...>

"Accident Prayer"

 

 

As my five-year-old-son and I were headed to McDonald's one day, we passed a car accident.
Usually when we see something terrible like that, we say a prayer for those who might be hurt, so I pointed and said to my son, "We should pray."

 

From the back seat I heard his earnest request: "Please, God, don't let those cars block the entrance to McDonald's."

 

"Sermon Follow-Up"

 

 

A minister told his congregation, "Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying. To help you understand my sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17."
The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the minister asked for a show of hands. He wanted to know how many had read Mark 17.

 

Every hand went up.

 

The minister smiled and said, "Mark has only sixteen chapters. I will now proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying."

 

"THINGS ONLY A MOM CAN TEACH"

 

 

My Mother taught me about ANTICIPATION:
"Just wait until your father gets home."

 

My Mother taught me about RECEIVING:.
"You are going to get it when we get home!"

 

My Mother taught me to MEET A CHALLENGE:
"What were you thinking? Answer me when I talk to you...
Don't talk back to me!"

 

My Mother taught me LOGIC:
"Because I said so, that's why." &
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck,
you're not going to the store with me."

 

My Mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE:
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that
way."

 

My Mother taught me to THINK AHEAD:
"If you don't pass your spelling test, you'll never get a good job."

 

My Mother taught me ESP:
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you're cold?"

 

My Mother taught me HUMOR:
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

 

My Mother taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT:
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

 

My Mother taught me about SEX:
"How do you think you got here?"

 

My Mother taught me about GENETICS:
"You're just like your father."

 

My Mother taught me about my ROOTS:
"Do you think you were born in a barn?"

 

My Mother taught me about WISDOM OF AGE:
"When you get to be my age, you will understand."

 

My Mother taught me about JUSTICE:
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you.
Then you'll see what it's like."

 

My mother taught me RELIGION:
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

 

My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL:
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of
next week!"

 

My mother taught me FORESIGHT:
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

 

My mother taught me IRONY:
"Keep crying and I'll *give* you something to cry about."

 

My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS:
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"

 

My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM:
"Will you *look* at the dirt on the back of your neck!"

 

My mother taught me about STAMINA:
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is finished."

 

My mother taught me about WEATHER:
"It looks as if a tornado swept through your room."

 

My mother taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS:
"If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you,
would you listen then?"

 

My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY:
"If I've told you once, I've told you a million times: Don't
Exaggerate!! !"

 

My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE:
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

 

My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION:
 "Stop acting like your father!"

 

My mother taught me about ENVY:
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do!"

 

 

Have a Blessed Day
Dave and Barbara

 

 

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