Beef PricesMonday

#1 · April 2, 2007, 11:16 am

Quote from Forum Archives on April 2, 2007, 11:16 am
Posted by: bigguyhereagain <bigguyhereagain@...>
Thank you for all the cards and e-mails sent last week. The surgery is over and the new meds are taking effect and hopefully soon everything will be back to normal.
Dave

"Beef Prices"

It's a summer holiday weekend and a man walks into a butcher shop which has a sign in the window saying "Ground Sirloin: 29 cents per pound"
The man says, "I'm having a cookout this weekend. I'd like 5 pounds of yourground sirloin, please."

The butcher shakes his head and says, "Sorry. I'm all out."

The man, disappointed goes down the street to another butcher shop and asks, "How much is your ground sirloin?"

The proprietor replies, "It's $3.29 per pound."

"Three twenty nine!?!" exclaimed the customer. "Just up the street he sells it for 29 cents!"

The butcher smiles calmly at the gentleman and asks, "Does he have any?"

"No. He's out of it right now."

"Well," says the butcher. "When I don't have any, I can sell it for 19 cents per pound!"

"Military Man"

A career military man, who had retired as a Master Sergeant, was telling the new recruits how he handled officers during his years of service.
"It didn't matter a hoot if he was a full bird colonel, Major General, an Admiral, or what! I always told those guys exactly where to get off."

"Wow, you must have been something," the admiring young soldiers remarked. "What was your job in the service?"

"Elevator operator in the Pentagon."

"Old Age"

I have always dreaded old age. I cannot imagine
anything worse than being old. How awful it must be
to have nothing to do all day long but stare at
the walls or watch TV. So last week, when the mayor
suggested we all celebrate Senior Citizen Week by
cheering up a senior citizen, I determined to
do just that. I would call on my new neighbor, an
elderly retired gentleman, recently widowed, who,
I presumed, had moved in with his married daughter
because he was too old to take care of himself.
I baked a batch of brownies and without bothering
to call (some old people cannot hear the phone), I
went off to brighten this old guy's day.
When I rang the doorbell, this "old guy" came to the
door dressed in tennis shorts and a polo shirt,
looking about as ancient and decrepit as Donny
Osmond.
"I'm sorry I can't invite you in," he said when I
introduced myself, "but I'm due at the Racquet Club
at two. I'm playing in the semifinals today."
"Oh, that's all right," I said. "I baked you
some brownies..."
"Great!", he interrupted, snatching the box,
"Just what I need for bridge club tomorrow!
Thanks so much!"
"...and just thought we'd visit a while, but that's
okay, I'll just trot across the street and call on
Granny Grady..."
"Don't bother," he said, "Gran's not home. I know,
I just called to remind her of our date to go dancing
tonight. She may be at the beauty shop. She mentioned
at breakfast that she had an appointment for a tint job."
I called my Mother's cousin (age 83), she was in
the hospital... working in the gift shop.
I called my aunt (age 74); she was on vacation in China.
I called my husband's uncle (age 79). I forgot, he
was on his honeymoon.
I still dread old age, now more than ever. I just
don't think I'm up to it.....
Author Unknown

Have a Blessed Day
Dave and Barbara

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Posted by: bigguyhereagain <bigguyhereagain@...>

Thank you for all the cards and e-mails sent last week. The surgery is over and the new meds are taking effect and hopefully soon everything will be back to normal.
Dave

"Beef Prices"

It's a summer holiday weekend and a man walks into a butcher shop which has a sign in the window saying "Ground Sirloin: 29 cents per pound"
The man says, "I'm having a cookout this weekend. I'd like 5 pounds of yourground sirloin, please."

The butcher shakes his head and says, "Sorry. I'm all out."

The man, disappointed goes down the street to another butcher shop and asks, "How much is your ground sirloin?"

The proprietor replies, "It's $3.29 per pound."

"Three twenty nine!?!" exclaimed the customer. "Just up the street he sells it for 29 cents!"

The butcher smiles calmly at the gentleman and asks, "Does he have any?"

"No. He's out of it right now."

"Well," says the butcher. "When I don't have any, I can sell it for 19 cents per pound!"

"Military Man"

A career military man, who had retired as a Master Sergeant, was telling the new recruits how he handled officers during his years of service.
"It didn't matter a hoot if he was a full bird colonel, Major General, an Admiral, or what! I always told those guys exactly where to get off."

"Wow, you must have been something," the admiring young soldiers remarked. "What was your job in the service?"

"Elevator operator in the Pentagon."

"Old Age"

I have always dreaded old age. I cannot imagine
anything worse than being old. How awful it must be
to have nothing to do all day long but stare at
the walls or watch TV. So last week, when the mayor
suggested we all celebrate Senior Citizen Week by
cheering up a senior citizen, I determined to
do just that. I would call on my new neighbor, an
elderly retired gentleman, recently widowed, who,
I presumed, had moved in with his married daughter
because he was too old to take care of himself.
I baked a batch of brownies and without bothering
to call (some old people cannot hear the phone), I
went off to brighten this old guy's day.
When I rang the doorbell, this "old guy" came to the
door dressed in tennis shorts and a polo shirt,
looking about as ancient and decrepit as Donny
Osmond.
"I'm sorry I can't invite you in," he said when I
introduced myself, "but I'm due at the Racquet Club
at two. I'm playing in the semifinals today."
"Oh, that's all right," I said. "I baked you
some brownies..."
"Great!", he interrupted, snatching the box,
"Just what I need for bridge club tomorrow!
Thanks so much!"
"...and just thought we'd visit a while, but that's
okay, I'll just trot across the street and call on
Granny Grady..."
"Don't bother," he said, "Gran's not home. I know,
I just called to remind her of our date to go dancing
tonight. She may be at the beauty shop. She mentioned
at breakfast that she had an appointment for a tint job."
I called my Mother's cousin (age 83), she was in
the hospital... working in the gift shop.
I called my aunt (age 74); she was on vacation in China.
I called my husband's uncle (age 79). I forgot, he
was on his honeymoon.
I still dread old age, now more than ever. I just
don't think I'm up to it.....
Author Unknown

Have a Blessed Day
Dave and Barbara

Necessary Legal Information

We do not mail clean-hewmor unsolicited. If you are receiving this newsletter from us it's because you have subscribed to this mailing list. If you receive this newsletter and are not a subscriber then someone, other than us, has forwarded it to you.

Normal Subscribe: clean-hewmor-subscribe@welovegod.org
Normal Unsubscribe: clean-hewmor-unsubscribe@welovegod.org

Web Subscribe: clean-hewmor-allow-subscribe@welovegod.org
Web Unsubscribe: clean-hewmor-allow-unsubscribe@welovegod.org

Clean-Hewmor is only as good as the humor YOU contribute.  Please take a few moments to send something funny so we can all get a good laugh! -- To unsubscribe, send ANY message to: clean-hewmor-unsubscribe@welovegod.org To subscribe, send ANY message to: clean-hewmor-subscribe@welovegod.org>