Quote from Forum Archives on March 25, 2007, 5:39 am

Posted by: bigguyhereagain <bigguyhereagain@...>

"Cured"

 

 

Two men sank into adjacent train seats after a long
day in the city.

 

One asked the other, "Your son go back to college
yet?"

 

"Two days ago."

 

"Hmm. Mine's a senior this year, so it's almost over.
In May, he'll be an engineer."

 

"What's your boy going to be when he gets out of
college?"

 

"At the rate he's going, I'd say he'll be about
thirty."

 

"No, I mean what's he taking in college?"

 

"He's taking every penny I make."

 

"Doesn't he burn the midnight oil enough?"

 

"He doesn't get in early enough to burn the midnight oil."

 

"Well, has sending him to college done anything at
all?"

 

"Sure has! It's totally cured his mother of bragging
about him!"

 

 

"Deer Hunt"

 

      

 

1:00 am. Alarm clock rings.
2:00 am. Hunting partners arrive, drag you out of bed.
2:30 am. Throw everything except the kitchen sink into the pickup.
3:00 am. Leave for the deep woods.
3:15 am. Drive back home to pick up gun.
3:30 am. Drive like a madman to get to the woods before daylight.
4:00 am. Set up camp. Forgot the darn tent.
4:30 am. Head for the woods.
6:05 am. See eight deer.
6:06 am. Take aim and squeeze trigger.
6:07 am. CLICK.
6:08 am. Load gun while watching deer go over hill.
8:00 am. Head back to camp.
9:00 am. Still looking for camp
10.00 am. Realize you don't know where camp is.
NOON Fire your gun for help - eat wild berries.
2:15 pm. Run out of bullets - eight deer come back.
2:20 pm. Strange feeling in stomach.
2:30 pm. Realize you have eaten poison berries.
2:45 pm. Rescued.
2:55 pm. Rushed to hospital to have stomach pumped.
3:00 pm. Arrive back at camp.
3:30 pm. Leave camp to kill deer.
4:00 pm. Return to camp for bullets.
4:01 pm. Load gun - leave camp again.
5:00 pm. Empty gun at squirrel that is bugging you.
6:00 pm. Arrive at camp - see deer grazing in camp.
6:01 pm. Load gun.
6:02 pm. Fire gun.
6:03 pm. One dead pickup.
6:05 pm. Hunting, partner arrives in camp dragging deer.
6:06 pm. Repress desire to shoot hunting partner.
6:07 pm. Fall into fire.
6:10 pm. Change clothes.
6:15 pm. Take pickup. Leave hunting partner and his deer in camp.
6:25 pm. Pickup boils over - hole shot in block.
6:25 pm. Start walking.
6:30 pm. Stumble and fall. Drop gun in mud.
6:35 pm. Meet bear.
6:36 pm. Take aim.
6:37 pm. Fire gun. Blow up barrel, plugged with mud.
6:38 pm. Mess pants.
6:39 pm. Climb tree.
9:00 pm. Bear leaves.
9:05 pm. Wrap stupid gun around tree.
MIDNIGHT Home at last.

 

Sunday Night: Watch football game on TV slowly
tearing hunting license into small pieces, place
in envelope and mail to Game Department with
detailed instructions on where to place it.

 

 

"Record Store"

 

 

A woman meant to call a record store, but dialed the wrong number and got a private home instead. "Do you have 'Eyes of Blue' and 'A Love Supreme?'" she asked.
"Well, no," answered the puzzled homeowner. "But I have a wife and eleven children."

 

"Is that a record?" she inquired, puzzled in her turn.

 

"I don't think so," replied the man, "but it's as close as I want to get."

 

Have a Blessed Day

Dave and Barbara

 

 

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