Quote from Forum Archives on March 2, 2007, 9:29 am

Posted by: bigguyhereagain <bigguyhereagain@...>

"Don't mess With Mom"

 

 

My son came home from school one day,
with a smirk upon his face.
He decided he was smart enough,
to put me in my place.
 
"Guess what I learned in Civics Two,
that's taught by Mr. Wright?
It's all about the laws today,
The 'Children's Bill of Rights.'
 
It says I need not clean my room,
don't have to cut my hair
No one can tell me what to think,
or speak, or what to wear.
 
I have freedom from religion,
and regardless what you say,
I don't have to bow my head,
and I sure don't have to pray.
 
I can wear earrings if I want,
and pierce my tongue & nose.
I can read & watch just what I like,
get tattoos from head to toe
 
And if you ever spank me,
I'll charge you with a crime.
I'll back up all my charges,
with the marks on my behind.
 
Don't you ever touch me,
my body's only for my use,
not for your hugs and kisses,
that's just more child abuse.
 
Don't preach about your morals,
like your Mama did to you.
That's nothing more than mind control,
And it's illegal too!
 
Mom, I have these children's rights,
so you can't influence me,
or I'll call Children's Services Division,
better known as C.S.D."
 
Of course my first instinct was
to toss him out the door.
But the chance to teach him a lesson
made me think a little more.
 
I mulled it over carefully,
I couldn't let this go.
A smile crept upon my face,
he's messing with a pro.
 
Next day I took him shopping
at the local Goodwill Store.
I told him, "Pick out all you want,
there's shirts & pants galore.
 
I've called and checked with C.S.D.
who said they didn't care
if I bought you K-Mart shoes
instead of those Nike Airs.
 
I've canceled that appointment
to take your driver's test.
The C.S.D. is unconcerned
so I'll decide what's best."
 
I said "No time to stop and eat,
or pick up stuff to munch.
And tomorrow you can start to learn
to make your own sack lunch.
 
Just save the raging appetite,
and wait till dinner time.
We're having liver and onions,
a favorite dish of mine."
 
He asked "Can I please rent a movie,
to watch on my VCR?"
"Sorry, but I sold your TV,
for new tires on my car.
 
I also rented out your room,
you'll take the couch instead.
The C.S.D. requires
just a roof over your head.
 
Your clothing won't be trendy now,
I'll choose what we eat.
That allowance that you used to get,
will buy me something neat.
 
I'm selling off your jet ski,
dirt-bike & roller blades.
Check out the 'Parents Bill of Rights',
It's in effect today!
 
Hey hot shot, are you crying,
Why are you on your knees?
Are you asking God to help you out,
instead of C.S.D..?"

 

 

"Doctor's Orders"

 

 

Doctor: "I see you're over a month late for your appointment. Don't you know that nervous disorders require prompt and regular attention? What's your excuse?"
Patient: "I was just following your orders, Doc."

 

Doctor: "Following my orders? What are you talking about? I gave you no such order."

 

Patient: "You told me to avoid people who irritate me."

 

"Shopping With Your Three Year-Old"

 

 

A man went to the store with his 3 year-old daughter
in tow. Since he was just there to grab some essentials
like milk and bread, he opted to save some time by not
pushing a cart around the store.

 

"That's not the way Mommy does it," his daughter informed
him.

 

"I know, dear, but Daddy's way is OK, too," he replied.

 

Leaving the store in the rain and without a cart, he
carried the bag of groceries, his daughter, and the milk
quickly to the car. Not wanting to set anything down on
the wet ground, he set the jug of milk on top of the car,
efficiently whisked open the car door with his now free
hand, scooted the groceries in and daughter into the car
seat in one swift motion, and hopped in himself.

 

"That's not the way Mommy does it," his daughter informed
him again.

 

"Honey, there's more than one way to do things," the
father replied patiently. "Daddy's way is OK, too."

 

As they pulled out and headed down the street, he became
aware of the scraping sound on the roof as the jug of
milk slid down the length of the rooftop, bounced off
the trunk of the car and splattered to the ground,
sending a froth of white milk in every direction.

 

In the millisecond he took to process his mistake, his
young daughter looked at him, and in a most serious
voice said, "That's NOT the way Mommy does it."

 

 

Have a Blessed Weekend
Dave and Barbara

 

 

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