Quote from Forum Archives on April 20, 2007, 10:12 am

Posted by: bigguyhereagain <bigguyhereagain@...>

"Gates Of Heaven"

 

 

After a long illness, a woman died and arrived at the Gates of Heaven.
While she was waiting for Saint Peter to greet her, she peeked through
the Gates. She saw a beautiful banquet table. Sitting all around were
her parents and all the other people she had loved and who had died
before her. They saw her and began calling greetings to her -- "Hello"
"How are you! We've been waiting for you!" "Good to see you."

 

When Saint Peter came by, the woman said to him, "This is such a
wonderful place! How do I get in?"

 

"You have to spell a word," Saint Peter told her.

 

"Which word?" the woman asked.

 

"Love."

 

The woman correctly spelled "Love" and Saint Peter welcomed her into
Heaven.

 

About six months later, Saint Peter came to the woman and asked her to
watch the Gates of Heaven for him that day. While the woman was guarding
the Gates of Heaven, her husband arrived.

 

"I'm surprised to see you," the woman said. "How have you been?"

 

"Oh, I've been doing pretty well since you died," her husband told her.
"I married the beautiful young nurse who took care of you while you were
ill. And then I won the lottery. I sold the little house you and I lived
in and bought a big mansion. And my wife and I traveled all around the
world. We were on vacation and I went water skiing today. I fell, the
ski hit my head, and here I am. How do I get in?"

 

"You have to spell a word," the woman told him.

 

"Which word?" her husband asked.

 

"Czechoslovakia. "

 

 

"Bran Muffins"

 

 

The couple were 85 years old, and had been married for sixty years. Though they were far from rich, they managed to get by because they watched their pennies.

 

Though not young, they were both in very good health, largely due to the wife's insistence on healthy foods and exercise for the last decade.

 

One day, their good health didn't help when they went on a rare vacation and their plane crashed, sending them off to Heaven. 
      

They reached the pearly gates, and St. Peter escorted them inside. He took them to a beautiful mansion, furnished in gold and fine silks, with a fully stocked kitchen and a waterfall in the master bath. A maid could be seen hanging their favorite clothes in the closet.

 

They gasped in astonishment when he said, "Welcome to Heaven. This will be your home now."

                                             
The old man asked Peter how much all this was going to cost. "Why, nothing," Peter replied, "remember, this is your reward in Heaven."

 

The old man looked out the window and right there he saw a championship golf course, finer and more beautiful than any ever-built on Earth.

 

"What are the greens fees?", grumbled the old man.

 

"This is heaven," St. Peter replied. "You can play for free, every day."

                                               

Next they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch, with every imaginable cuisine laid out before them, from seafood to steaks to exotic deserts, free flowing beverages.

 

"Don't even ask," said St. Peter to the man. "This is Heaven, it is all free for you to enjoy."

 

The old man looked around and glanced nervously at his wife.

 

"Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol foods, and the decaffeinated tea?" he asked.

 

"That's the best part," St. Peter replied. "You can eat and drink as much as you like of whatever you like, and you will never get fat or sick.

 

This is Heaven!"

                     

The old man pushed, "No gym to work out at?"

 

"Not unless you want to," was the answer.

 

"No testing my sugar or blood pressure or..."

 

"Never again. All you do here is enjoy yourself."                             

The old man glared at his wife and said, "You and your bran muffins. We could have been here ten years ago!

 

"Are You Ever"

 

 

One evening I was driving my eight-year-old daughter to her
grandparents' home for an overnight stay.  It was late,
there was very little traffic, and we were enjoying a
peaceful ride.  It was a far cry from the usual chaos
surrounding us when I drive her to various activities
during rush hour.

 

My daughter seemed deep in thought when she said,
"I have a question."

 

"What do you want to know?" I responded.

 

"Mom, when you're driving," she asked, "are YOU ever the idiot?"

 

 

Have a Blessed Weekend
Dave and Barbara

 

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