In every society, there must be authority vested somewhere, and some ultimate authority, some last and highest tribunal established, from the decision of which there lies no appeal. In the family constitution this authority rests in the husband – he is the head, the law-giver, the ruler. In all matters concerning the “little world in the house,” he is to direct, not indeed without taking counsel with his wife. But in all differences of view, he is to decide – unless he chooses to waive his right; and to his decision the wife should yield, and yield with grace and cheerfulness.
John Angell James

Forums

Forum Navigation
You need to log in to create posts and topics.

Last Will & Testament Of A Farmer Friday

Forum Archives
2,360 Posts
#1 · June 8, 2007, 10:59 am

Posted by: bigguyhereagain <bigguyhereagain@...>

"Last Will & Testament Of A Farmer"
 
I LEAVE:
 
To my wife:
My overdraft at the bank. Maybe she can explain it.
 
To my son:
Equity on my car. Now he will have to go to work to meet the payments.
 
To my banker:
My soul. He has the mortgage on it anyway.
 
To my neighbour:
My clown suit. He will need it if he continues to farm as he has in the past.
 
To the farm credit corporation:
My unpaid bills. They took some real chances on me. I want to do something for them.
 
To the junk man:
All my machinery. He's had his eyes on it for years.
 
To my undertaker:
A special request. I want six implement dealers and six fertilizer dealers for pallbearers. They are used to carrying me.
 
To the weatherman:
Rain, hail and snow for the funeral please. No sense in having good weather now.
 
To the grave digger:
Don't bother. The hole I'm in now should be big enough.
 
And lastly
To the monument maker:
 
Set up a jig for the epitaph. "Here lies a farmer who has now properly assumed all of his obligations."
 

"Bubba And The New Twins"
 
 
Bubba's pregnant sister had a bad car accident, which caused her to fall into a deep coma. 
 
After nearly six months, she awakens and sees that she is no longer pregnant. Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby. 
 
The doctor replies, " Ma'am, you had twins - a boy and a girl.  The babies are fine. Your brother came in and named them."
 
The woman thinks to herself, "Oh, no! Not Bubba; he's an idiot!" 
 
Expecting the worst, she asks  the doctor, "Well, what's the girl's name?"  "Denise," the doctor answers.
 
The new mother thinks, "Wow! That's a beautiful name, maybe I was wrong about my brother. I really like the name Denise. "What's the boy's name?"
 
The doctor replies, "Denephew."
Thanks Neil for sending this to us.
 
"Dear Pastor"
 
 
Dear Pastor, I know God loves everybody but He never met my
sister. Yours sincerely, Arnold. Age 8, Nashville.
 
Dear Pastor, Please say in your sermon that Peter Peterson has been a good boy all week. I am Peter Peterson. Sincerely, Pete. Age 9, Phoenix
 
Dear Pastor, My father should be a minister. Every day he
gives us a sermon about something. Robert Anderson, age 11
Dear Pastor, I'm sorry I can't leave more money in the plate, but my father didn't give me a raise in my allowance. Could you have a sermon about a raise in my allowance? Love, Patty. Age 10, New Haven
 
Dear Pastor, My mother is very religious. She goes to play bingo at church every week even if she has a cold. Yours truly, Annette. Age 9, Albany
 
Dear Pastor, I would like to go to heaven someday because I
know my brother won't be there. Stephen. Age 8, Chicago
 
Dear Pastor, I think a lot more people would come to your
church if you moved it to Disneyland. Loreen. Age 9. Tacoma
 
Dear Pastor, I liked your sermon where you said that good
health is more important than money but I still want a raise in my
allowance. Sincerely, Eleanor. Age 12, Sarasota
 
Dear Pastor, Please pray for all the airline pilots. I am
flying to California tomorrow. Laurie. Age 10, New York City
 
Dear Pastor, I hope to go to heaven some day but later than
sooner. Love, Ellen, age 9. Athens
 
Dear Pastor, Please say a prayer for our Little League team.
 
We need God's help or a new pitcher. Thank you. Alexander. Age
10, Raleigh
 
Dear Pastor, My father says I should learn the Ten
Commandments. But I don't think I want to because we have enough
rules already in my house. Joshua. Age 10, South Pasadena
 
Dear Pastor, Who does God pray to? Is there a God for God?
Sincerely, Christopher. Age 9, Titusville
 
Dear Pastor, Are there any devils on earth? I think there may be one in my class. Carla. Age 10, Salina
 
Dear Pastor, I liked your sermon on Sunday. Especially when
it was finished. Ralph, Age 11, Akron
 
Dear Pastor, How does God know the good people from the bad
people? Do you tell Him or does He read about it in the newspapers?
Sincerely, Marie. Age 9, Lewiston
 
Thanks Jack for sending this to us.
 
Have a Blessed Day
Dave and Barbara
 
Necessary Legal Information
 
We do not mail clean-hewmor unsolicited. If you are receiving this newsletter from us it's because you have subscribed to this mailing list. If you receive this newsletter and are not a subscriber then someone, other than us, has forwarded it to you.
 
 

 

Clean-Hewmor is only as good as the humor YOU contribute.  Please take a few moments to send something funny so we can all get a good laugh! -- To unsubscribe, send ANY message to: clean-hewmor-unsubscribe@welovegod.org To subscribe, send ANY message to: clean-hewmor-subscribe@welovegod.org>

Click for thumbs down.0Click for thumbs up.0