Quote from Forum Archives on June 8, 2007, 10:59 am

Posted by: bigguyhereagain <bigguyhereagain@...>

"Last Will & Testament Of A Farmer"

 

I LEAVE:

 

To my wife:

My overdraft at the bank. Maybe she can explain it.

 

To my son:

Equity on my car. Now he will have to go to work to meet the payments.

 

To my banker:

My soul. He has the mortgage on it anyway.

 

To my neighbour:

My clown suit. He will need it if he continues to farm as he has in the past.

 

To the farm credit corporation:

My unpaid bills. They took some real chances on me. I want to do something for them.

 

To the junk man:

All my machinery. He's had his eyes on it for years.

 

To my undertaker:

A special request. I want six implement dealers and six fertilizer dealers for pallbearers. They are used to carrying me.

 

To the weatherman:

Rain, hail and snow for the funeral please. No sense in having good weather now.

 

To the grave digger:

Don't bother. The hole I'm in now should be big enough.

 

And lastly

To the monument maker:

 

Set up a jig for the epitaph. "Here lies a farmer who has now properly assumed all of his obligations."

 

"Bubba And The New Twins"

 

 

Bubba's pregnant sister had a bad car accident, which caused her to fall into a deep coma. 

 

After nearly six months, she awakens and sees that she is no longer pregnant. Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby. 

 

The doctor replies, " Ma'am, you had twins - a boy and a girl.  The babies are fine. Your brother came in and named them."

 

The woman thinks to herself, "Oh, no! Not Bubba; he's an idiot!" 

 

Expecting the worst, she asks  the doctor, "Well, what's the girl's name?"  "Denise," the doctor answers.

 

The new mother thinks, "Wow! That's a beautiful name, maybe I was wrong about my brother. I really like the name Denise. "What's the boy's name?"

 

The doctor replies, "Denephew."

Thanks Neil for sending this to us.

 

"Dear Pastor"

 

 

Dear Pastor, I know God loves everybody but He never met my

sister. Yours sincerely, Arnold. Age 8, Nashville.

 

Dear Pastor, Please say in your sermon that Peter Peterson has been a good boy all week. I am Peter Peterson. Sincerely, Pete. Age 9, Phoenix

 

Dear Pastor, My father should be a minister. Every day he

gives us a sermon about something. Robert Anderson, age 11

Dear Pastor, I'm sorry I can't leave more money in the plate, but my father didn't give me a raise in my allowance. Could you have a sermon about a raise in my allowance? Love, Patty. Age 10, New Haven

 

Dear Pastor, My mother is very religious. She goes to play bingo at church every week even if she has a cold. Yours truly, Annette. Age 9, Albany

 

Dear Pastor, I would like to go to heaven someday because I

know my brother won't be there. Stephen. Age 8, Chicago

 

Dear Pastor, I think a lot more people would come to your

church if you moved it to Disneyland. Loreen. Age 9. Tacoma

 

Dear Pastor, I liked your sermon where you said that good

health is more important than money but I still want a raise in my

allowance. Sincerely, Eleanor. Age 12, Sarasota

 

Dear Pastor, Please pray for all the airline pilots. I am

flying to California tomorrow. Laurie. Age 10, New York City

 

Dear Pastor, I hope to go to heaven some day but later than

sooner. Love, Ellen, age 9. Athens

 

Dear Pastor, Please say a prayer for our Little League team.

 

We need God's help or a new pitcher. Thank you. Alexander. Age

10, Raleigh

 

Dear Pastor, My father says I should learn the Ten

Commandments. But I don't think I want to because we have enough

rules already in my house. Joshua. Age 10, South Pasadena

 

Dear Pastor, Who does God pray to? Is there a God for God?

Sincerely, Christopher. Age 9, Titusville

 

Dear Pastor, Are there any devils on earth? I think there may be one in my class. Carla. Age 10, Salina

 

Dear Pastor, I liked your sermon on Sunday. Especially when

it was finished. Ralph, Age 11, Akron

 

Dear Pastor, How does God know the good people from the bad

people? Do you tell Him or does He read about it in the newspapers?

Sincerely, Marie. Age 9, Lewiston

 

Thanks Jack for sending this to us.

 

Have a Blessed Day

Dave and Barbara

 

Necessary Legal Information

 

We do not mail clean-hewmor unsolicited. If you are receiving this newsletter from us it's because you have subscribed to this mailing list. If you receive this newsletter and are not a subscriber then someone, other than us, has forwarded it to you.

 

Normal Subscribe: clean-hewmor-subscribe@welovegod.org
Normal Unsubscribe: clean-hewmor-unsubscribe@welovegod.org
       
Web Subscribe: clean-hewmor-allow-subscribe@welovegod.org
Web Unsubscribe: clean-hewmor-allow-unsubscribe@welovegod.org

 

 

Clean-Hewmor is only as good as the humor YOU contribute.  Please take a few moments to send something funny so we can all get a good laugh! -- To unsubscribe, send ANY message to: clean-hewmor-unsubscribe@welovegod.org To subscribe, send ANY message to: clean-hewmor-subscribe@welovegod.org>