From Being Different to Making a Difference From Being Different to Making a Difference
By Frank Worthen
Love In Action’s founder shares how Jesus changed his lifeforever.
My pastor took me into his office and said, “Frank, you are ahomosexual.” Being only thirteen, I needed him to explainsame-sex attraction. He did. Then he added that homosexuals weredifferent from other people.
I’d been called different before! When my mother took me tokindergarten, my teacher told her, “Your boy is very differentfrom the other boys.” And she was right; I’d detached frommy family’s constant arguing by hiding in the attic and creatingmy own fantasy world. In response to my patterns of isolation, mypeers called me names (which I later learned meant“homosexual”).
When I was ten, I began taking piano lessons. My piano teacherknew the Lord in a powerful way. She was ecstatic when, three yearslater, I accepted Him. She took me to her church, where I began tostudy organ.
My father died that year. The pastor took an interest in me,assuming the “father” role in my life. He was everything Ilooked for in a father! But in my heart, I hoped he was wrong aboutme being a homosexual. Certainly, I was different; I had no friends,I wasn’t into sports, and I devoted a lot of time to music.Still, I hoped that I was just late in developing opposite-sexattractions.
When I turned eighteen, I met a young lady. We went together forabout a year. It was very exciting to think, Thank God, I’mnormal! I love this woman and I want to marry her. So I proposed. Sheanswered, “There are only two things that I love: horses andother women.” Crushed, I returned to my pastor, who told me thatI’d been attracted to my girlfriend’s masculinity. Hereasoned, “I’ve been telling you for years that you are ahomosexual.” I left the church that day, making the decision toaccept my homosexuality. Since “God’s man” hadconvinced me that I was homosexual, I hoped that God would accept me.
I entered the gay life-style at that time. By accepting myhomosexuality, I believed I’d found where I belonged. The malehomosexual life-style, however, is built on youth. And so, by thetime I was 40, it was pretty much over for me. The only steady loverI could find wasn’t even really homosexual — he just stayedwith me for the money! But even then, we both cheated on each other.It was very depressing. The business I owned required me to travelaround the world a great deal. During one of my trips, the manager ofmy biggest store hired a “hippie” boy. Though I didn’twant Michael there at all, the manager promised to keep him out ofthe customers’ sight if I’d let him work in the stock room.I agreed, reluctantly.
Returning from another trip, I was startled to see Michael withshort hair, properly washed, and working at the front counter. He wasefficient, the customers loved him, and he smiled all the time.Finally, after a week of watching him, I asked, “What in theworld happened to you?”
He answered, “I accepted the Lord.” I wondered ifMichael’s Christianity would last. During the following year,his life kept getting brighter and brighter. I began to wonder if Godcould change me the way He had changed Michael. But I told myself,“No. God has never changed a homosexual person.” Ivacillated between hope and despair.
One day, the Lord spoke to me, saying, “Today I want youback.” I knew, without a doubt, that this was the voice of God.I ran to the store and located Michael, gasping, “I’ve justheard from God, I don’t know what to do.” I was besidemyself. Michael responded that he had the keys to his church, andsuggested that we go over there to pray.
Michael had me kneel on the altar’s marble steps as he led methrough a 20 minute sinner’s prayer! Because he knew nothingabout homosexual activity, he had me confessing all kinds of thingsI’d never done. But I wanted everything God had for me, so Ithought, “If I have to do this to change, I’ll confessanything!” When the prayer ended, the Lord’s Spirit camealive in my heart. I came out of the church a changed person!
When I went to Michael’s church, the people expressed lovefor me. Later I learned that they’d spent two years praying for“Michael’s gay boss.” And for the next year and ahalf, people from that church came to see me every day! Thataccountability kept me from going back to the homosexual life-style.
At Michael’s suggestion, I made a testimony tape to reach outto people who were trapped in the homosexual life-style. I decided toadvertise the tape in the worst sex paper in town. The ad read:“Do you want out of homosexuality? Send for a Brother Frank tapeon a Christ-centered way out of homosexuality.” During the firstyear of its run, my ad brought in 60 people who wanted out ofhomosexuality! Men in my own church sought me out for counseling onleaving homosexuality. After a while, I started meeting with thesemen on Saturdays.
Eventually, the Lord put me in contact with a pastor who neededhelp in counseling homosexuals. Since he was a writer, he and Iproduced a book called “The Third Sex?” (the firstChristian book on homosexuality). Going all over the English-speakingworld, that book generated an average of 200 letters a month.
Though I’d had no intention of leaving my business, the Lordimpressed me with the need to enter ministry full-time. Thus, Love InAction began with weekly support group meetings.
After a little time had passed, I received a distraught phone callfrom Barbara Johnson, a woman in Los Angeles. Barbara’s son hadentered the homosexual life-style, but the ex-gay ministry theredidn’t offer ministry to parents. This was the first timeI’d ever heard of any ex-gay ministry besides Love In Action!Intrigued, I hopped a plane the next morning and went down to seethem.
When I met with the ministry down there, we wondered if any otherex-gay ministries existed. We didn’t really know how to findout, but we managed to locate a number of ex-gay ministries aroundthe world. So, in the middle of 1976, we had our first conference.Sixty people, representing twelve ministries, attended. Exodus wasborn!
My busy life satisfied me. I enjoyed my work and loved my church.I felt secure and complete, able to settle into a life of comfortablecelibacy. After five years, I sensed I was ready for marriage, butwas unwilling to make the time commitment involved. I often worked inthe office from morning to midnight. How could I give a wife properattention? I saw no compelling reason to seek marriage.
Around the tenth year of celibacy, however, I began to growuncomfortable with the single life. Intensely lonely, I began to prayfor a mate. During this time, the Love in Action team held a seminarin Eugene, Oregon. I noticed the lady who sponsored the event acrossthe room rapidly talking with a group of people. I thought,“What a hyper lady! I don’t think I want to get involvedwith her!” So I kept my distance. I felt quite sure I neverwanted to meet her!
A year and a half later, I visited Los Angeles with Chris Medcalfof Exodus’ London ministry. We were on our way to Disneyland andhad stopped by Barbara Johnson’s house to pick up some passes.Barbara told me that she was obligated to take this woman toDisneyland, but that she just didn’t have the time. Essentially,I would be doing her a favor if I could take this woman with us.
I was not happy at the prospect, but there is not much Iwouldn’t do for Barbara. So I said: “Yes.” Sheintroduced Chris and me to Anita (whom I had no idea I had ever seenat Barbara’s seminar the day before, and much less that she wasthe woman I’d so carefully avoided in Eugene!) The day atDisneyland proved to be the most fun I had known for years. Anita wasfull of jokes and the life of the party. I thoroughly enjoyed hercompany and dreaded to see the day come to an end. The next day,Chris and I returned to San Rafael and I became immersed in theday-to-day pressures of the ministry. The memory of that relaxing dayfaded until Barbara called to say that Anita had apparently liked me.Excitedly, I thought, “A woman really ’likes’ me!Guess I did something right!” But calmly, I told Barbara that Icouldn’t remember having a better day. I asked her to tell Anitathat I liked her very much also.
A month or so later Barbara called again. She said that she andfour other women were coming north to visit me. Since my late hoursat the Love In Action office had never given me reason to furnish myhome, I frantically prepared my condominium so that they would have acomfortable stay. As I talked with Barbara it became clear that onlyAnita would be able to make the visit. I panicked. How would thatsound?! “Director of Ex-Gay Ministry Hosts Single Woman in NewlyFurnished Apartment!”
Lori Thorkelson, a lady on Love In Action’s staff, came to myrescue by agreeing to stay with Anita in my guest room. As a resultof that week, Lori built a firm friendship with Anita and she wasinvaluable in helping me keep my romantic relationship on an evencourse. (Later, when I went to Europe for three months, I left astack of cards for Lori to send Anita every few days, so Anita wouldknow I was thinking of her.)
For Anita, it had been love at first sight. She became completelyenamored with Love in Action. She loved all the staff and the work wewere doing. She wanted to be part of it all. She cried all the way tothe train station. It would take time for Anita’s love for me tomatch her love for LIA.
Late one night Anita called me and wanted to see me. I suggestedthat she get in her car and drive to San Luis Obispo, the half-waypoint between Los Angeles and San Francisco. She was a littlesurprised that I was so impulsive, but she wasn’t willing to acton the spur of the moment. So we agreed to meet there in a few days.This rendezvous inaugurated a series of long drives to our half-waypoint (about a 500 mile round trip for each of us).
During these times, we had many meaningful talks about marriage. Iwas already fifty-five, which made me uncertain that I couldconsummate our marriage. We decided that a life together was farbetter than our long-distance relationship. We would have each other,and that would be enough. (As it turned out, my worries wereneedless.)
In November of 1984 we were married. We’ve just celebratedour 10th Anniversary. It has been far better than our greatestexpectations. The honeymoon continues.
Frank Founded Love In Action in 1973. He and his wife,Anita, founded, and now direct, New Hope Ministries in San Rafael,CA. Copyright c 1995 by Frank Worthen. Distributed by Love In Action,PO Box 753307, Memphis, TN 38175-3307; 901/542-0250