Doc's Daily Chuckle 5/28/14
Posted by: drpkaine <drpkaine@...>
DOC'S DAILY CHUCKLE
Always Clean Chuckles
Laughter is the Best Medicine!
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From Archie. I recommend his uplifting e-mail.
Doc
Today's Chuckles
1. You've Had Too Much Coffee When...
2. Fire Safety Training
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You've Had Too Much Coffee When...
- You answer the door before people knock.
- Juan Valdez has named his donkey after you.
- You just completed another sweater and you don't know how to knit.
- You spend your vacations visiting "Maxwell House"
- You ski uphill.
- You get a speeding ticket even when you're parked.
- You can type sixty words per minute with your feet.
- You speed walk in your sleep.
- The Nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.
- You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.
- You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
- You sleep with your eyes open.
- You have to watch videos in fast-forward.
- You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not plugged in.
- The only time you're standing still is during an earthquake.
- Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house.
- Instant coffee takes too long.
- You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.
- You help your dog chase its tail.
- You speak perfect Arabic without ever taking a lesson.
- Your first-aid kit contains 2-pints of coffee with an I-V hookup.
- You short out motion detectors.
- You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore.
- You think CPR stands for "Coffee Provides Resuscitation."
- You lick your coffee pot clean.
- Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
- You chew on other people's fingernails.
- All your kids are named "Joe"
- Your only source of nutrition comes from "Sweet & Low"
- You buy 1/2 and 1/2 by the barrel.
- You can jump-start your car without cables.
- You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.
- You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.
- You've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.
- When someone asks, "How are you?", you say, "Good to the last drop."
- from Laugh and Lift
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Archie, who has become my right hand man, regularly sends an
uplifting e-mail. You would just need to cut-and-paste the
new uplifting e-mail http://www.spiritisup.com/asap.html
He also now sends out gospel music 5 days a week plus
takes requests. Just send an email to the e-mail address
below with which you would like to have in the subject
line. To Subscribe just send an email with subscribe in
the subject line to HeIsLordTo@aol.com
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Making the decision to have a child - it's momentous. It is
to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside
your body. - Elizabeth Stone
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Fire Safety Training
When the employees of a restaurant attended a fire safety seminar,
they watched a fire official demonstrate the proper way to operate
an extinguisher.
"Pull the pin like a hand grenade," he explained, "and then press
the trigger to release the foam."
Later an employee was selected to extinguish a controlled fire in
the parking lot. In her nervousness, she forgot to pull the pin.
The instructor hinted, "Like a hand grenade, remember?"
In a burst of confidence she pulled the pin ... and hurled the
extinguisher at the blaze.
- from GCFL.net
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Please pray for: Mary Ann, Annie, Terri, Steve, Brent, Lange, Inez, Lindsay.
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