ACURA: All Customers Undergo Repair Anxiety

ALFA-ROMEO: All Loosely Fitted Accessories Remain On Motorway Enraging Others

AUDI: Automated Unwanted Debt Invitation

BMW: Big Money Wasted

CADILLAC: Can American Designers Invent Lovely Lines? Apparently, Can’t.

CHEVROLET: Cheap Heaps: Expect Very Routine Owner Letdowns, Excessive Trouble

CHRYSLER: Can Hear Revs, Yet Sense Little Engine Reaction

DODGE: Drips Oil, Drops Grease Everywhere

EDSEL: Every Day Something Else Leaks

FERRARI: Fragile, Expensive Rides Repel All Reasonable Individuals

FIAT: Failed Italian Automotive Technology

FORD: Failing Old Rusty Dump

GMC: Greatest Made Chevy

HOLDEN: Holes, Oil Leaks, Dents, Engine Noises

HONDA: Happy Owners Never Drive Anything (else)

HYUNDAI: Hope You Understand Nothing Driveable And Inexpensive

JAGUAR: Just Another Gearbox Under Annual Repair

JEEP: Just Expect Excessive Problems

KIA: Kick It Again

LAND ROVER: Lame Americans Need Dumb, Really Oversized Vehicles, England Realized

LOTUS: Lots Of Trouble, Usually Serious.

MAZDA: Made After Zero Design Analysis

MERCEDES: Many Expensive Repairs Can Eventually Discourage Extra Sales

MG: Merciless Garbage

MINI: Moron Inside Notably Insane

MITSUBISHI: Mechanics Investigate Trouble, Some Understand, But It’s Sure Had It

NISSAN: Needs Imminent Salvage So Abandon Now

OLDSMOBILE: Old Ladies Driving Slowly Make Others Behind Infuriatingly Late Everyday

OPEL: Old People Enjoying Life

PONTIAC: People On Narcotics Think It’s A Cadillac

PORSCHE: Proof Of Rich Spoilt Children Having Everything

SAAB: Sadly Absent, Always Broken

SATURN: Simpletons Attracted To Unconventional Retail Network

SCION: Sad Cars Inspire Only Nausea

SUBARU: Shift Up, Because Always Revs Unnecessarily

SUZUKI: Sadly Uninspired Zip Ultimately Kills It

TESLA: Technology Excesses Seem Lame, Actually

TOYOTA: They Overcharge You On Their Accessories

TRIUMPH: This Really Is Unreliable Man, Please Help

VOLKSWAGEN: Vehicle Owners – Losers Knowingly Suffering With All German Engineered Nonsense

VOLVO: Very Odd Looking Vehicular Object