Thinking I Was a Christian….
Thinking I Was a Christian…. Thinking I Was A Christian, But Wondering If It WasTrue
My Name Is Betty Wagner and This Is My Story
Growing up around Christians, and attending a church thatpreached the Gospel, gave me a knowledge of Jesus Christ. Atthat time I thought that knowing about being a Christian made you aChristian. I knew people who professed to be born again, and I saw adifference in their lives. I just did not quite understand that Ineeded to be born again to have a personal relationship with JesusChrist. (Note: “Saved” and ” Born Again” are biblical termsreferring to the forgiveness of sins by God and the rescue of theperson from the power and penalty of that sin. This is God’srequirement for everlasting life.)
Although I had attended church pretty regularly as a child, I didnot attend faithfully as I got into my young teenage years. AlthoughI said I believed in Jesus, and thought I was a Christian, I stilldid not understand the full implications of having a personalrelationship with Jesus and living fully as he would have me do.
Later in my teen years, I was influenced by my friends who werenot Christians and I fell into all sorts of sin: smoking,drinking, drugs, etc. At 18, I was pregnant and chose to getmarried. The first six years of my marriage was a disaster. In May,1984, my husband wanted a divorce. He saw no otherway. At this time I still was not attending church and did not havethat positive influence in my life.
One night, two men from a nearby Baptist church came to visit myhusband. That same night my husband accepted Christ as his Savior.When I came home from work, he told me what had happened. I wasn’ttoo surprised. I was familiar with the terms Saved andBorn Again. I really believed I was saved as a child, and Itold his so.
At about that time we started to attend church, mostly at myhusband’s urging. I was still concerned for my shaky marriage and Iprayed and asked God to do whatever it would take to save mymarriage. He did that, but not the way I thought he would.
We joined Victory Baptist Church and started serving the Lord. Idid, and said, all the right things, so I thought, for nine years.
In July, 1992, the Lord led my husband and our family to LehighValley Baptist church. At that time I was away from all my friendswho had a more shallow standard of what it meant to be a Christian. Ibegan to hear messages on salvation by repentance and by faith. Myfocus turned to what God really wanted: a change of heart. I startedseeking God’s will for my life. I knew something wasmissing. I began to realize that there must be sin that Icould not see. I really needed for God to reveal it to me. This wenton for quite a while. I began thinking that maybe I was not saved.Then I thought how stupid that was. Just look at all I do for theLord. Although I still did not see it, my self-righteousness wasthe root of my sin of pride.
On September 12, 1993, the pastor preached on the theme ofdiscerning the will of God. One thing that struck my heart was thatGod never pushes us, but He gently urges us, to do what is right.That topic was right on target. God’s will- that’s what I had beenseeking. Then God spoke to my heart, gently asking me if I was trulysaved.
I could not truly answer “yes”. There was doubt and confusion inmy heart. After the service, I went with my husband to talk to thepastor and try to get some assurance from him. The pastor talked tome about real repentance and faith, which included a change of heart.As he said that, it occurred to me that I had changed everything butmy heart. The pastor said that he could not tell me if I were lost orsaved. Only God can know my heart.
My husband could not help me the answer the question of whether ornot I was saved. He was confused also, because he remembered how Ihad told him that I was saved as a child. I believed that I wasprobably a Christian because I knew who Jesus was and what he did.And I thought that I must be saved because when I asked the Lord tosave my marriage, it appeared that He did just that.
That’s when God opened my eyes. For the first time I saw that Iwas lost. But, it was God’s perfect will and desire to save me onSeptember 12, 1993. That night I bowed my head, repented of my sin,and in faith, asked Christ into my heart and Him to change me and toforgive me, a sinner in need of salvation. Recognizing my own sinfulcondition in God’s eyes, I knew I had to change my heart. I couldn’tdo anything to earn my salvation. It is His free gift, only to beaccepted.
That night I knew I was in God’s perfect will–His perfect plan ofsalvation as found in the Bible, Second Peter 3:9, The Lord is notslack concerning his promise, as some men count slackness; but islong-suffering to us-ward, not willing that any should perish, butthat all should come to repentance. I was included in theall.
If you have grown up around Christian people as I had, you mayfeel comfortable that you might be a Christian. But a sinner cannotmake himself or herself a Christian. Jesus said, “Ye must be bornagain, to enter the Kingdom of God.” Just like we are born intothis world and into a particular family, we must be born into thefamily of God. Repenting of our sins and exercising our faith inbelieving that God sent Jesus to be our Savior– that is the onlygate to enter Heaven
If you would like to know more about the Savior that changed thelife of Betty Wagner, and her husband, Myles, you are welcome at the
Lehigh Valley Baptist Church4702 Colebrook Avenue
Emmaus, PA 18049
Or call us at (610) 965 4700 or 1-800-893-9586.