Led To The Living Waters Led To The Living Waters

By Andy Comiskey

After being gang-raped, beaten up…and hit with several bouts ofVD, I decided to reevaluate my “liberating” move and give my life toChrist.

Childhood has become a fond memory. My parents were loving, ourenvironment nicely suburban and the major crisis seemed to be chickenpox or what instrument to play in the school orchestra. AsEpiscopalians, we learned the church’s rituals and creeds, but not alot about salvation. (When I say “we”, I mean my two older brothersand younger sister, all spaced apart by two years.)

But for me, there was a difference. I remember an early andunusual desire for “feminine” things, such as playing house insteadof war, wielding a paint brush rather than a baseball bat. Theambiguity of not being quite secure in a little girl’s role or alittle boy’s was developing. With age, the situation became morecomplicated. Life was not miserable, just confusing. There was anincreasing hypersensitivity to remarks about masculinity, or lack ofit. With puberty came the realization of another difference,my sexualdesires were geared toward other males.

Now that’s a heavy secret to have in junior high school,especially when the term “fag” connoted a fate worse than death. Thename-calling continued, as did the inner struggle. My self-identitybecame increasingly blurred. I didn’t understand what I wasdeveloping into, or why. High school didn’t shed much light on thequestion until I met a couple others with the same struggle. We beganto frequent the Hollywood disco scene, thinking ourselves very chic.By graduation, we were ready to embrace the lifestyle.

One friend and I moved out together into the “gay ghetto” area ofLong Beach but soon found the whole thing draining and dehumanizing.The bars, beaches and parties seemed to create a bigger void thanthey filled. One’s sexuality became foremost and I becameincreasingly absorbed with my appearance, while losing sight of themoral standards taught me as a child. The downward spiral quickened.After being gang-raped, beaten up at a party and hit with severalbouts of VD, I decided to reevaluate my “liberating” move. A greatneed had arisen that nothing in sight could meet.

Then my two older brothers claimed to have become Christians. Iwas skeptical at first-people were always throwing out bits of dogmaand they had inoculated me. But the need was great, and when a goodfriend from high school came back into my life reborn and full ofpeace and joy, I didn’t hold back. In November of 1976, I gave mylife to Christ at a concert and vowed through my ignorance to livefor Jesus.

I had acquired a hard shell to break. Drugs, booze and sex weren’tthe main obstacle, the social perspective was. My roommate and gayfriends thought of me as increasingly flighty, while I was having myown problems adjusting to the Christian subculture. Most of myproblem was a shaky spiritual foundation, due in part to pride and alack of sensitivity on the part of fellow believers. But home wasnear, so I moved back and made a greater effort to get fellowship andto reach out to others in Christ’s name. It worked, slowly butsurely.

Sexual struggles hit, though they didn’t floor me. I guess fromthe start I had the idea that if homosexuality was wrong, then Godwould grant me the victory. Sometimes, the tension between the fleshand the Spirit seemed almost unbearable. But each time I sought Godinstead of giving in, the closer victory became the next time.Masturbation was a release at first, but then became a burden as itonly perpetuated the desire I wanted to be free of. My slate was farfrom clean, but it became clear early on that either God or a sexualappetite could guide me. I had to make the choice. Choosing Himprovided the strength and grace to move ahead of that which only keptme down.

After two years in Long Beach, I transferred to the University ofCalifornia (Los Angeles) where God directed me to a Christianfraternity house. Fifty people in one small building, all of diversedenominational backgrounds, what an opportunity to grow! God changedmany misconceptions I had about straight people and even saw fit tomake me the house’s chaplain, as well as the leader of severaloutreaches.

While witnessing on campus one day, I met some members of a localchurch, who told me about their group meetings for formerhomosexuals. Though I didn’t join that fellowship, a hope for beinginvolved in ministry to gays was sparked.

During the summer of 1979, I participated in an outreach projectat Hope Chapel, a Pentecostal church in Hermosa Beach, CA, where Ihad a chance to share my testimony. From then on, doors began openingfor ministry to gays.

In the meantime, the Lord was dealing with me. That fall, I metAnnette, a warm and forbearing girl who extended herself to me,regardless of my past. She won my heart, and taught me whatresponsible one-on-one love is, something unchallenged in my previous”pious” independence.

We grew a lot together, and became involved in the VineyardChristian Fellowship, an independent church similar to one of ChuckSmith’s Calvary Chapel congregations. My burden for gays deepened,and as a church counselor, I had several opportunities to minister tothem. After sharing my testimony before the congregation in thesummer of 1980, I was called upon a number of times to counsel gays,which prompted the church elders to suggest I start an ex-gay supportgroup. In October, Desert Stream was born, a Bible study aimed toChristians seeking victory over homosexuality.

The growth of Desert Stream was gradual, and this permitted a firmfoundation to be laid. Within six months, we were counseling anddiscipling about fifteen individuals; at the end of the year, aboutthirty. Because of the increasing numbers, we began a ten-week seriescomposed of what we found to be the most practical and importantissues to consider in the homosexual transition. Alongside of theongoing Bible study and the series, our one-on-one counseling loadgrew heavier and thus I was put on staff as assistant pastor of theVineyard.

Annette and I have been married almost seven years. Growth hasbeen wrought through honest communication and Christ’s calling, whichstretches our capacity to love beyond what we alone are able. In theprocess, both of us are maturing into His intentions. For me, thatmeans allowing God to pare off the misconceptions I’ve held about mysexual identity, and thus freeing me to stand upright and firm as aman of God. Upon that foundation, no doubt or temptation can topplethe work God has begun.

“Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord…He will be like atree firmly planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit inits season, and its leaf does not wither; And in whatever he does, heprospers.” Jeremiah 17:7; Psalm 1:3.

Andy Comiskey is the director of Desert Stream and theauthor of Pursuing Sexual Wholeness. You can contact him through:Desert Stream, PO Box 17635, Anaheim Hills, CA 92817-7635.

Distributed by Love in Action, PO Box 753307, Memphis, TN38175-3307; 901/542-0250.