The Way We Were

by Kathy on 2001-04-06 06:54:53

Sandy was 19 when she met Tom. They met at the junior college they were both attending. He was not at all the type she was looking for, but he was persistent until she gave in. After 19 years of marriage and four children later, just after Sandy’s 40th birthday, Tom announced that he was leaving.

The words “until death do us part” promised at the wedding ceremony seemed to mean nothing now. Sandy was devastated. Her whole life had been built upon her marriage, and now it was completely shattered. Their oldest daughter was to graduate high school a couple of months after Tom made his announcement, so the couple decided to wait until after the graduation to initiate the divorce and separate.

On June 1, Tom moved out. He wouldn’t allow the children to visit his new apartment, and was very secretive about his address. Two months later, he took his children for an unexpected visit to his apartment where they met his 23 year old live-in girlfriend for the first time. It was a devastating meeting for all concerned.

Sandy learned that Tom had been seeing his girlfriend for several months. She was the wife of one of his best friends, and they had all known each other for five years. He also confessed that he had at least two other affairs in the earlier years of their marriage. Sandy’s emotions were completely shattered. The man she thought she knew no longer existed. Had he ever existed?

Tom has lost his wife of 19 years and his four children because his girlfriend is very jealous. Tom no longer has visitation with his children because his girlfriend will not allow it. Financially he is dependent now on the girlfriend and cannot afford to move away from her because she holds the financial keys to the apartment they live in and his transportation. His children are hurting and suffering emotional trauma, and Sandy is trying to go on with her life in spite of a hurt that seems it will never go away.

This is a true story about two people I know whose names have been changed for this article, however, many people have faced the same scenario.

For the past two weeks, I have written about adultery. In addition to adultery, many times sexual addiction is involved or mid-life crisis. For men, this is a real crisis in their lives. Some lose or give up everything during this time. Tom is suffering from mid-life crisis, lack of commitment, and most likely sexual addiction. Sexual addiction is real. I recently learned that 33% of the nation’s population is involved with sexual addiction in some form.

It is not God’s will for marriages to fail. It is His will for husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for it (Eph. 5:25). It is His will for women to honor their husbands (Eph. 5:22). It is His will for you to seek help today if you are having problems in your marriage or within yourself. Some day, maybe sooner than later, Tom will look back and be filled with sorrow for the great loss in his life. It does not have to turn out this way for you and your marriage!

If you are suffering from mid-life crisis or sexual addiction, I urge you to seek God and Christian counsel for the answers. There are some excellent support groups and web sites that can offer help and resources.

If you need prayer, Christian advice, or more information concerning resources, please contact me by commenting to this article or directly at kredwood65@integrity.com.

May His peace be yours today,

Kat

Disclaimer: Kathy Redwood is not a secular, professional counselor. The nature and purpose of her ministry is discipleship,
not professional/secular counseling, and she has not been trained in medicine or psychology, nor has she been trained in any
type of secular counseling. Kathy Redwood’s emphasis is in the direction of the Word of God, and she trains people to search
the scriptures (the Bible) for answers to life’s problems. Neither Kathy Redwood nor welovegod.org nor any of its owners,
members, or representatives are responsible for, and cannot be held liable for, any harm, injury, or loss occurring in the lives
of participants of this topic. Kathy Redwood cannot control decisions or events in participants’ lives or what participants may
decide to do in the future.